Sweaty
my sweet lily left us on the 4th but a couple of days ago we were able to pick up her ashes.

its been hard to let go of such a sweet cat i’d raised since birth as a child as an adult... this cat was as much a sibling to me as my bother is and it’s been so hard to continue without her. 

We have her ashes now and she’s resting soundly at home in a special spot next to my father. it’s just been so hard since she’s left us,,, the routine is broken and i feel like the longer we go without her, the more lost me and my family feel... 

Its something that will eventually come to pass but having someone i your life for 15 years suddenly vanish is so hard to deal with... 

i keep thinking about the night we put her down and how the last time i saw her i was holding her body in my arms... 

it’s just been so hard for everyone and i don’t regret letting her go when i did,,, in fact i wish i did it sooner since i knew she was suffering... 

i just want to put my feelings out into the world,,, it’s so hard and i miss her everyday,,, every morning i expect her to greet me but now the world feels so empty and idk how i can go on with her... my 25th birthday is coming up and lily had just turned 15 in april.... i’m so heartbroken still it physically hurts at this point... idk how to cope i just miss her so much...
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Ophelia__May
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can very much relate to your experience: I too had to put my beloved dog to sleep 2 months ago, just 5 days before my birthday, having to go through the trauma of holding his dead body in my arms, and to pick up his ashes a few weeks later. It's a terrible, terrible thing to have to go through, and you can't blame yourself for not knowing how to cope yet. 
Your loss is very fresh and everything that you're feeling (or not feeling) is perfectly normal. I tried to rationalize my grief by telling myself that the pain I was feeling was a way of thanking the universe for letting me share all these happy years with my dog. It's the price we pay for the love they give to us during their lifetime. 
I know how difficult it is to have to say goodbye, not only to them but also to the routine we had with them. The old habits are difficult and painful to break. Allow yourself to feel your sadness, your anger and your fears, and to take as much time for yourself as you need. 
I would recommend talking about her, talking to her,  writing about her, celebrating her life in any way that feels appropriate, so you can remember all the love you had for her and all the love she had for you. Just know that she will never be truly gone from your life.  
Stay strong, and remember that separation is an illusion.
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