Robin2003 Show full post »
Robin2003
(((((CKMP)))). The second part of my previous post didn't come through. I am so glad to be able to picture your girls now! I was thinking about you today on our way back from the mountains. Thinking of all of us here. What you said is so true - that we are all so fortunate to have had this profound love in our lives. Even if we knew when we got them as pups (and we must have known that it would come to this at some point), we would still have made the same choice to adopt them and have all the joy they brought to our lives over the years. It was worth it.

I am so sorry that you have had to deal with all the feelings that come with seeing a parent decline. Having to move your mother to the senior care living place must have been so stressful. My mother lived next door to us for 24 years until she died in 2011. This whole past year, my husband and I renovated her house in order to settle the estate. Just as we finished, it was discovered that my husband needed heart bypass surgery which was done two weeks before Annie died. This was a shock as he had been doing physical work and had had no pain or fatigue. I think that in some ways the shock of losing Annie made me lose the ability to hold it all together - which I'd been trying to do through my mother's last years, taking care of her, then her house, then dealing with the shock of my husband's health issues, etc.

My daughter seems to be doing well. My heart was broken for her. It is what led me on the path here - not being able to shake my depression over the loss of the puppy. I had been here before in 2013 when Maggie died of CHF. I called her Robin here, because that was my pet name for her when she was a tiny puppy weighing four pounds. She was brown and had a little bird snout. She had been diagnosed with a heart murmur in 2009 when she was 6 and she had a fairly good life, despite terrible stomach issues - and having to be on heart meds including the miracle drug Vetmedin. She had a good life, even on her last day when she had a seizure and we rushed her to the ER where it was discovered that a valve had let go, and she couldn't go on. There was no decision to make in her case, and we were with her as she passed. As expected as it was, it was also unexpected, but I felt peace - after sobbing for a couple of days, missing her.

I realized today in the car that your decision on March 10th is what I wish I'd done done for Holly back in 2003. If I'd had the courage, I would have let her go at the ER and not let the vets convince us that she'd be fine after having the surgery. A little voice was telling me that she was too old (for a Brittany), that she wouldn't like having to carefully eat her food and be monitored 24/7. Of course, I wanted to hope she would have another year of so with us and that we would delay the grief that we knew would be excruciating. It really would have been so much kinder for her to go peacefully then.... You did the right thing for Maggs, CKMK - you were courageous and thought of her welfare - and took on the pain to relieve her of her pain (someone here said that - and how true!)
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CKMP
Robin2003
I have been thinking of you too - and sharing my thoughts and feelings with you has made a huge difference for me.  I am so sorry too for your worries and troubles throughout the years - the loss of your mother, facing the heart surgery and then losing Annie.  It is amazing at times how much strength an individual can have - and yet there does come a time when it runs out and we need a helping hand, an open heart and a soft shoulder.  Losing Annie came at a time when you had already lost so much - and had much grief to bear.  
You are so right, there is no way I would trade a single day, or stop a single tear with and over the girls.  I am glad your daughter is doing better - it can not be easy to lose a young puppy that is so full of promise and life and enthusiasm.  And your Maggie sounds like she found the right persons to share her life with.  You gave her the opportunity to be a companion - to enjoy life and be loved and give love.  She sounds like she was a cute little 'bug' - and if her special name was Robin it had to be because of her loyalty and persistence to live life.  
I think there is no way you were not courageous with Holly.  I feel you did the hardest thing there is to do - and that is to weigh the options and trust in what the vet is saying is the best.  I think we love our companions so much, that often it is our hearts that take control and so we rely on our chosen medical care takers knowing that it is our heart that beats out our abilities to make the best decision.  Holly too had the love for you and courage to give it a try - and when the time was the time, you were courageous in releasing her without a minute more of suffering and discomfort despite knowing you could not be there - you were now giving her the opportunity for peace and rest.   Robin2003 that was an act of pure love and compassion and never should you think you were not courageous.  It is courageous in itself to love so deeply as you said, we know these days are ultimately coming.  I am so glad to have connected with you on this forum - and I can not thank you enough - it is uncanny but you seem to understand so well my feelings and emotions throughout this time.  I can feel your calmness, compassion and care through your notes and believe not only are the fur  companions quite lucky to have found you but so are the people companions around you.  Thank you for affirming the decision made for Maggs was best for Maggs  - it means a lot.  Many Hugs for You.
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