Im very sad and depressed from the loss of my best friend.
Grieving gets harder every day.
There so much self blame.
I just cant handle it.he was connected to me every hour of the day i was home (except when i go to work off course)
Other wise he went with me to the store appointments,gym friends every where i go he is there, sits in the front passenger seat paw on the dash board just like a person.
He loved going for rides.
About two weeks ago maybe a bit long he started getting sick throwing up,not eating drinking lots of water i thought it was food poisoning because i gave him a bit of new food i thought that was what made him sick then he got better it seemed was eating then about 5 days later he got sick again then stopped eating drinking alot of water loss energy got week i couldnt get him in my jeep (this was his jeep for 12 yrs ) then one day he had a horrible seizure never seen one i was so scared i started screaming i thought he was dying.
Well they continue until it got so bad he couldn't walk, layed on his bed for two days he was rushed to the animal hospital they said he was critical he decline so fast he was diabetic with high blood sugar and liver an kidneys were having problems.
They said he wasn't going to last 1 day we rushed over there spent over an hour with him talking and singing to him they said he was in a diabetic coma
We said our good byes and let him go.
Never in my life was something so hard.
My heart feels empty im so so depressed cant stop crying i miss him so so much.
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i lost my cat
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So sorry it hurt so much
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I am so so sorry for your loss of Choco.  It is a terrible shock - and it is a tough and difficult road through grief.  Everyone here understands these feelings and there are so many kind and caring shoulders here to lean on.  It seems our fur companions as so good at never letting us know when they are hurting or are ill - and they live life as much as they can until they just can not. A constant friend and companion like yours is like your shadow - always there and never far.  When you feel you can you might want to share a bit more of your story . . .
Self-blame and guilt seems to be something we all pin on ourselves. . .  We wonder through our grief as if in a fog - with tears constantly in our eyes or not far away - and then we continually hurt ourselves even more by finding all sorts of reasons as to why we are to blame and at fault.  Would have, should have, could have, did, did not - these all go on and on in a continual loop in our heads.  And, really only because we are caring and responsible friends to our fur babies.  Please do not let guilt in - I know from experience with my own gone girl how tough it is to 'kick it out' once there.  
The first days, weeks, months are going to be as if you are merely going through the motions - As if you watch yourself, outside of yourself doing things by rote or just doing. . . . You spent 12 years with your friend - and life is now drastically different.  His love for you and your love for him is indicated by your grief.  And, maybe this is the last gift we give to our friends - the last open display of that bond and how much it meant to us.  Your friend is still with you . . . 
Come here often - it does help to share and also to read others' thoughts and feelings - also to reach out and help someone else through this. . . Warm thoughts.
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I'm so sorry for your loss of your dog. Hugs to you <3
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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Amamarie  Accept my condolences for your loss.  Yes the pain is unbearable.  I was devastated when my Winston passed.  He also had some of the symptoms your baby had.  I couldn;t stand by and watch him decline rapidly like he was.  It was much to heartbreaking for me.  I hope he didn't suffer too long.  I think I caught his suffering and decline when it was just beginning.  I will miss him forever.  I love you Baby and I love you Max   Mommy  XOXOXO
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