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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #31 

Mornin Case, Last night's candle Ceremony was so amazing. I felt God's presence all around me. I had a picture of you and Sam man on the table next to me, 3 tiny tea lights sat in front of it as I prayed with some amazingly strong people who are missing their babies too. Juls and Misty also were there to hold my hand and pray with me. They lit candles too. Misty shared her cam with me and I saw her beautifully lit room. You didn't make it home but I know you were with me. When you come home, I will figure out what to do. It was 1 week yesterday,feels much longer. Today is my mom's birthday,will you give her a hug and tell her Happy Birthday for me. She will cuddle with you and go swimming and play ball. She has such a good heart and will keep you close to her til I can be with you again.

I don't know. My life is so different now. It feels so empty, so lonely, so unfullfilling. I haven't started praying yet in regards to my own life, the next Chapter. It's so much easier to pray for you than for myself. God answered all my prayers,he truely did. I guess I'm just floating around taking my days one minute at a time. My days drag on forever. I just miss you so much. I picked up some of the rugs yesterday. It doesn't feel right walking around now. I almost slipped once,which is why they were there for you and Sam man. I started to vacume, but that didn't feel right either. I like looking at your fur on the floor. So for now, everything is still the same. I haven't washed the sheets or pick up your water bowl. I just wanna keep things the way they are.
Girl, I just love you more than anything else in the world. Can I ask a favor from you babygirl? Will you please help me figure out what to do now? A sign? Or I don't know, a little push in the right direction. Only if you have time. I know you are with God and maybe you are just really busy. I just don't know what to do now.
Well, I hope you feel my love today and everyday cause I sure do love you and miss you so much!
"I be back in one minute"
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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #32 
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.  I understand the loss of direction.  I have been floundering about myself.  Just know that you are not alone...
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Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #33 
Mornin babygirl, Layla came over yesterday. She is so sweet. Her mama works so much, if I didn't bring her over, she would be alone in that hot room for 12 hours. I can't stand seeing her like that. She was so happy when she saw me and ran around playing. She just loves the doggie door. I closed it last night before I took her home. I took her outside to potty one last time before goin home,she ran up to the deck and charged through the doggie door and hit her little head, all I heard was a big thump LOL she turned and looked at me as if to say "I sure wasn't expecting that" haha I had to laugh but I also felt bad. Now she approaches the door very carefully lol
I'm glad I get doggie time,I feel like it helps me from bein so lonely. She loves laying on your pillow I placed in the spot you always layed. She has her own little personality but she is alot like you. She's so loving and happy. You can tell her other mother was mean to her. I tell her, it's okay now, no one will ever be mean to you again. Her new mama is good to her. I was making dinner, had 2 tortillas on the counter,came back into the kitchen and they were gone. Hmmm Layla just looked at me and smiled. Little girl has some bad habits lol But I did laugh,no harm done.
I'm dreaming of you at night but I wake up and can't remember them. I only know you were with me. I'm trying so hard not to let this whole thing consume me. I know we had to part. It doesn't help the loneliness go away. I miss your purdy little face. I miss cuddling you. But I feel at peace knowing you are with God. I feel pukey sick all the time. I sometimes think it really hasn't hit me yet. My life is so different. It's only been 9 days and it feels like a lifetime away from you.
I received a beautiful inspiring email yesterday. Those pennies we find in the parking lot that we step over cause it's just too much trouble to bend down and pick up. I found out they are sent from Angels. So this was my first sign, well, at least it was a prelude to my first sign. Now I just have to get out of the house to find one :)
I really miss you girl. I just can't believe how fast our time together went. It seems like just yesterday I was holding a 4 week old baby in my arms. You stole my heart that day. You never once let me down or broke my heart. You are the best dog in the whole wide world. I love you more than anything else in the whole wide world.. I just do!
I be back in 1 minute :)
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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #34 
Mornin babygirl.
I just wanted to say I'm thinkin of you and miss you so much. I miss your smiling face and the way you always wag your tail. The sparkle in your eyes when you see me, even if I've only been gone 5 min, you acted as if it was a lifetime. I sure know that feeling. I miss cuddling with you soooo much. And the way you roll over onto your back and push me wayyyy over just so I will rub your belly. You make me laugh and smile. You just are the best thing that ever happened to me. You truely are a gift from God. There's a sadness in my eyes that doesn't seem to go away no matter how much I try to smile. An emptiness in my heart that will never be filled again. You are my best friend,the love of my life. You have such a hold of my heart that will never go away. No matter what.  I must have told you "I love you" a million times in your life. They aren't just words, I meant it. I've been staying busy and playing with Layla alot. I also have been chosen as the dog sitter now by all my friends. I have my first job this weekend. Fri-Sun I will have Romy with me, she's a Doberman. You never met her, but the other night I had dinner at her house, she felt my pain. Her mama said she never cuddles up to anyone, this girl just layed her head on me and gave me so many kisses. Never left my side. Her family was amazed. It's funny how all the dogs I come into contact with, do that very thing. THEY KNOW the love I have for dogs and I think they feel my heart is acheing for you.
I am so happy you are at peace now and with God. I am so glad you don't hurt or feel any pain or worry. I really am doing okay. Thank you baby for holding on for me for so long. You have such a big heart girl. God answered ALL my prayers and I just feel so blessed :)
I love you
I be back in 1 minute :)
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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #35 
You are right about other animals knowing.  My Jack Russell who is usually very independent has been sticking very close to me.  It's very unusual of him.  Every so often, he gives me a lick.  Just one, as if to say, I understand and I am here for you.  Though he and Ted were not that close, I think he is missing him as well.  So together we are muddling through.  I think you will have a great time with the dobie this weekend.  They can be very fun and most affectionate.  Try to enjoy your time with him.  I know it will be hard.
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Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #36 
Hey girl, I had the worst night last night, just woke up with pains all over my body. My stomache felt horrible. Just acheing everywhere. You came home yesterday and I think maybe this whole thing hasn't hit me yet. The lawn guys showed up this mornin, I went out to pay him, he already knew, I didn't have to say anything, you didn't go out to greet him with me. I broke down and cried and just said sorry and went back in. God I miss you. Today seems to be a bad day already. I'm gonna say a prayer and be on my way, Romy is comin over this mornin so I will have company all weekend. I hope she does okay without her family.
God I ask you to be with me right now and help guide me towards the next chapter in my life. Father I know what I have to do, it just seems to be over powering me. Please help me to find the strength and courage to take this next step towards something that needs to be done. God, I Thank you for answering every one of my prayers for Casey. Thank you for being there with us and helping her and I get through it all. You are truely amazing and I feel so blessed you gave us more time together. I know she is with you now and I know she is my Angel. Thank you Lord for not making her suffer and for giving me the strength to get through it all. To love one of your precious creatures was the greatest times of my life. She was a gift from you and I will forever be Thankful for allowing me to have such happiness. May she forever live with you in your kingdom and never feel pain again. Amen.
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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #37 
I had the same reaction when I brought Ted home.  I am glad you have Romy coming over.  She will keep you company and hopefully some joy.
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Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #38 

Thanks Barbara, yes Romy is settling in fine. She will keep me company this weekend. I'm sure last night was a panic attack. Picking Casey up wasn't too hard on me, but I had Little Layla with me, I'm keeping alot of my grief buried deep inside I think. So it hit me in my sleep. I scheduled a massage for later today. I mean I have never felt such pain in my life, to see my babies in a box is just too much to handle. I need to set up their Memorial soon and get closure to allow my heart to heal. I had a friend pick up Sam cause I knew I couldn't see him that way, got him last week and it wasn't as bad as I was expecting, then when I got Casey and to see both my babies like that, just too much for my heart to handle. I'm so glad I have you all here with me. ((HUG))

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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #39 
My babygirl, You are with me every where I go. Your picture is in my car. One on the table next to the couch. I look over and see you sitting in front of me like you always did. I pass our picture in the dining room, I just smile and laugh. You always make me smile and laugh. Girl you just have such a hold of my heart. I have spent alot of time with Layla, we are in love already. I feel so bad for her spendin so much time alone. She sees me outside and cries for me to come over. If it's Gods will, her mama will let her stay with me forever. If not, I know I am helping this little baby as much as I can. Romy, a Doberman, has spent the weekend with me. Last night she slept in bed with me, sideways of course and taking up my spot. I woke up happier than I have since you were here. I miss cuddling with you soooo much. Romy didn't fill an empty place I have in my heart. I cuddled her and thought of you. She's precious and WOW such a watch dog. This is my first time with a Doberman and let me tell you, she is very protective. I don't think she wants to go home lol No one ever wants to leave our house. I have been appointed "dog sitter" for the time being. It suits me and I know if I had someone like me to take care of you and Sam when I was away, I would have been happy. But I chose to never go any where. To me, being happy was to be at home with you and Sam man. I'm no closer to knowing what I'm supposed to do. I have looked around and my heart comes up blank. I don't think it's time yet to make any decisions. I feel empty and lost. As if I have no purpose any more. I feel like I'm just floating around. I miss taking care of you guys. I miss sharing my life with you. My life is so different now. I'm taking it one minute at a time. My days are long. It's been 2 weeks and it feels like forever. I have tremendous pain all over my body. My heart is suffering a great loss. I need to talk to God soon and ask him for guidance. I think I'm just afraid of what I'm supposed to do next. Change is hard.
I just miss you so much and love you more than anything else in the whole wide world, I just do!
I be back in one minute :) 
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CarolS

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Reply with quote  #40 
Dear Casey's Mom,
I wept reading your story.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  I know you will miss precious Casey, she was beautiful.  I lost my Misty three months ago, and I still cry, I miss her so much.  Time will help a little bit.  But you will always have the memories of Casey.  Casey is now in peace and with other furry babies.  You were a wonderful caring Mom to her.
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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #41 
I am happy that your weekend with Romy went well.  I think it helps to have some companionship even if you are still so empty inside.  I feel the same way.  It has been 22 days today and I still cry every day.  Some days are better than others but I do not go through a day without substantial dwelling on my beloved Ted.  I have been looking at rescues for a sign because I want to open my heart to another but just haven't been able to yet.  I have asked Ted to help me because I am still mad at God for taking him from me.  I just can't see any purpose in his death.  Of course every time I think about how mad I am, something nice happens like a butterfly will linger near me or a rabbit will suddenly appear.  It is the only thing keeping me going and believing that their is a Bridge and that I will see him again.  It is just so painful being here alone and feeling so lost.  I sooo understand how you feel.  One minute at a time is a good goal.  It is about all I can handle.  I really hope that we both find some peace and direction sooner than later.  This test of faith is almost unbearable.      
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Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #42 
Thanks Carol, I know you're missin your Misty too.
Barbara, I wasn't mad at God, he answered all my prayers. Casey was given 2-3 weeks and she stayed with me for 3 months. I prayed so much during that time. He was there for me. I'm not mad at him. I haven't been praying much since she left. I feel like I'm just floating around with no purpose. I hate this quiet house. Bein with the 2 other dogs have helped alot, but I also think it's caused me pain as well. I know I will have another dog one day but not right now. I think God will send her to me when the time is right. I'm very lonely but I have things to do for myself before another baby comes into my life. I could easily go get one right now, but I don't think it's time yet. I'm pouring myself into work and stayin very busy. I break down once or twice a day and then allow the moment to pass. It's hard but God always gathers up the good ones first. your baby will be there waiting for you with a big ole smile, I just know that with all my heart.
To Casey: I've been so busy and had alot of issues to deal with but you are always close by me. I adore you. I love you so much and always will. I am waiting for the sign, until then, I will keep my thoughts of you happy, cause you gave me the best years of my life.
I love you more than anything else in the whole wide world.
I be back in 1 minute
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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #43 
Mornin babygirl. Well it just doesn't seem to be gettin any easier. Not that I ever thought it would,but I was kinda hoping. It's been a month now. The house is so empty and so lonely without you and Sam man. My heart is even more empty. I have accomplished absolutely nothing in my own life. I don't even know where to start.
I finally vacumed. One room at a time. It took about a week. I kind of felt guilty. Especially when I vacumed the rug in our bedroom. I watched every one of your hairs disappear and talked to you the whole time. God I just want you back home. I miss cuddling with you. Talking with you. I miss your smile. And your purdy little face. You have such a hold of my heart girl. Today is a bad day. I could really use that sign right about now.
I was telling a friend this morning, I may have found my closure. A Memorial for you and Sam man. It says Live,Love,Laugh and under each one holds a candle, and between them 6 pictures I can add of you guys. The 3 candles to remind me of your candle ceremony. I measured the place on the wall and it's perfect. Now just one more thing to figure out. Maybe I'm just holding out so I don't have to have closure. Maybe I'm trying to hold onto you guys. Your pillow is still in the spot you layed in. I just can't stand to look over there and see it empty. Girl, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. The years with you just gave me so much happiness and good times. I laughed so much. You are such a hoot. Well, you didn't even have to do anything, just lookin at your purdy little face made me smile. "Are you smilin at me?"
I just wanna say I love you babygirl. I hope you and Sam man are playin ball and cuddling with my mother. I miss you so much. I hope what I feel in my heart is true,that one day we will be together again and live eternally together in love.
Til then,
I be back in one minute :)
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