MyCaseyGirl Show full post »
Tikibarb/Mycasey: I am also telling myself that my dog Precious is in a better place free from pain and discomfort.  I knew May 22-23 that something was wrong with her.  My family didn't want to listen and I cried for days until I convinced them to take her in to the vet. We took her in Memorial Day weekend to hear the Bronchitis diagnosis.   She was diagnosed with Bronchitis but got worse then stopped eating. She spent nights roaming from room to room and making gagging/wheezing sounds. 
We found out 2 days prior to putting her down that she had a cancerous mass in her mouth (the vet who saw her 2 weeks before didn't notice her bulding eye--which is a common sign of a mouth tumor). Her regular vet did a biopsy/endoscopy June 9th and called with good news, the mass didn't spread.  However, because of the size and location the survival rate was grim (even with surgery/chemo and radiation) and the fact that she stopped eating worried the doctor as well.  My baby didn't want to leave the house, it's like she sensed that 'she wasn't coming back'. We put her down while she was still under anesthesia  (June 9, this was 7 days after she turned 12).We didn't want to put her through surgery, which meant reconstructing her mouth and going to chemo/radiation when we could have a few more months (possibly longer) with her.
She was also a fighter, the morning we brought her in for her biopsy, she found 2 handballs and ran down the hallway with them in her mouth.  she rolled on the rug and kissed me, then suddenly laid down again was lethargic and breathing heavy (she was on antibiotics and sedatives).  It hurt so much to see her laying there uncomfortable.
I recently looked online and saw that cocker spaniel's have an increased chance of getting oral cancers.  I was raised with cocker spaniels but this dog shared some adult milestones with me (high school/college graduations, sisters marriage and child, staying with my father since he retired 10 yrs ago). I am upset that the 1st doctor didn't notice her eye and her regular doctor didn't tell me how common this is and how Precious' future would be determined by the size and location of the mass.
I found all this out on my own after someone on this site suggested a form of oral cancer that her cat had (squamous cell carcinoma). Also it is possible that the tumor started in her head (causing the buldging eye).  The vet thinks she had either squamous cell carcinoma or melanoma.  Both cancers have a very slim survival rate when masses are large and located in the back of the mouth.
I too, am very thankful for all the support I have received on this site.  It is reassuring to see that I am not the only one fighting this battle.  It has gotten easier these past few weeks but the apartment is still empty without her and it hurts to see neighbors walking their dogs (Precious used to fight with all the dogs in the neighborhood). I am thankful that we caught the mass before it spread and saved her from a future filled with pain and discomfort. My boyfriend keeps saying that "she's just a dog, let her go".  To me and my dad she was more than a dog.  She was a close friend and a companion.  My dad is broken hearted without her and I miss her so much but I know in my heart that she is in a better place and I'm thankful for the time I had with her.

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and all of the support.
Quote 0 0

Precious is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. Casey was my best friend. I really do feel compassion for you. I know how it feels. "Just a dog" Dogs are so much like humans. "Mans best friend" Anyone who says this to you has no heart and certainly no place in my life. I am sorry your boyfriend said that to you. No one knows how you feel inside except you. You never have to "let go" You made the right decision and did the best thing you could ever do for your baby. Always know that. We have to go through this pain, so they dont have to any more. Hang in there - sending (HUGS) to you and your dad.

Quote 0 0
Heyyyy ( I love saying that to you) Mornin babygirl.
This is the first day I don't have alot scheduled. I've been keeping busy and trying to stay out of the house. Even while I'm away, I keep thinking I have to hurry and get home to you. I always hated leaving you home alone. Even when Sam man was still with us. I think what's helping me alot is not having the constant worry that I always carried with me your whole life. Are you okay? Are you missing me? Did something happen to you? And I couldn't wait to walk through the door and hug and kiss you. I would give anything to have you in my life for another 100 years :) I guess God will bring us back together in his own time. Til then, I must go through this pain of missing you so you don't have to hurt any more. I wonder if you hurt worse than you let me know. You were so brave. Even the Doctor didn't know how you made it through all you did. Well, we both know how!! Babygirl, my heart is so empty. People keep waiting for me to break down in front of them and let them comfort me. They weren't there for me when I needed them and I won't give them the privelage of sharing my grief now. You brought me back to God. He got us through and was always there for us. He answered all our prayers. ALL our prayers! I'm counting the days til our candle lighting. I signed up for Sam too. You both grew up together and went to sleep together. I know my mom is taking care of you. I know how she is and she is just loving every minute. She has a good heart baby and she will get you through. She told me so in my dream Friday night. I think Im going to get Sam tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to getting the call from the Doctor to come get you. But I think if Sam man is here first, it would make it easier. Then I will have you both together again. I never thought I would be able to have you in a special place to sit and look at , but now Im feelin  that's what I want more than anything.
I got the car washed yesterday, first time in months, all the dog fur and stuff from weekly trips to the Doctor. Anyways, I was reading a newspaper while waiting for it to be done and stumbled upon our Horoscopes. I don't usually follow this but a sign (the first sign) since you went to sleep, came to me. Both our Horoscopes were so perfectly suited for us and I wanna share them with you. You (Sagittarius) Some places have such a vibrant energy that you can just tell something good is going to happen there. There are big benefits in hanging out in the "right place" The longer you stay the more likely you are to be there at that magic moment called the "right time" Me(aquarius)You'll be encouraged to keep going even when you're not sure you want to. Listen to your body,and let it speak more loudly than any other person's voice. Friends and coaches and even doctors cannot really know how you feel.Trust your own intuition about your body. You hang tight girl and we will be together again when its the right time. I can't wait to see your smiling face again and hold you tight and tell you how much I love you. Tomorrow little Layla is comin over to stay while her mama is out of town. I get to have some company at the house. I haven't picked up your toys yet but I will before she gets here, then I will put them back again when she leaves. Maybe I can teach her another new trick. I saw you made peace with her before you left, lol you're so funny, you so crazy girl, but I saw it, I know what you did and that's just how you are. And I love you for everything you ever did for me. For every time you made me smile and laugh. For every time you rolled over onto your back and cuddle close to me for a belly rub. I just miss you so much. Well, I have to go now and figure out what Im gonna do today. I hear the birds singing outside. And it reminds me of spending mornings with you, getting your pool ready and going potty ourside and just sittin on the porch watchin the sunrise. Sending hugs to you and Sam.
Quote 0 0
Dear Casey, first of all, hugs I was crying when I read your story. I'm sorry for your loss, but in a way, also comforted that she passed away peacefully. We are so lucky to have such beautiful and kind companions. I lost my Potpot just last week, and I find it hard to come here everyday because my heart is still breaking. I couldn't stop my tears when I read about what happened to you when you came home and didn't find your Casey there waiting for you. I was exactly the same as you are. I'm glad that you found this site, it has really helped a lot of us get through- day after day. Thank you for sharing your wonderful stories about Casey, I wish you peace and comfort Casey's mom.
Quote 0 0

Thank you luvupot- The site has been a huge part of my well being during my mourning process. Its what I do when I wake since I have no one to take care of, no one to let out to go potty,nothing to do to start my day. So I just write to casey and talk to her.  Your baby is so beautiful, I would just kiss her face all day long :) I love dogs and feel like my life isn't the same. May today bring you a million smiles when you think of your baby :) ((HUG))

Quote 0 0
Oh, it's just so hard and to worry that maybe they were suffering more than we saw is awful too. I think sometimes we feel like we were so close to them - how could we not know? But it's often been said that it's in their nature to hide pain to not show weakness.

Maybe this has been said by someone else, but I wonder if maybe it's not that we should let them go, but we should try and let the pain go. We will never let them go because I don't believe any of us want to forget all the love and memories we have.
Quote 0 0

I'm so sorry about your loss.  What touching stories you have shared!  She was a beautiful girl!  I hope you know that your your babies are together again.  My, what a wonderful vet, to keep the blanket so you could have it this week for Casey.  Don't regret letting her go when you did, you are right that she was probably will feel like it at times, because WE ALL have felt that way, guilt does it, but when my George left, the vet said, "he was ready, he went fast, and they don't go fast if they aren't ready"  I was there with him at the end and brought his bed with us so he could rest on it.  I knew he was tired, he was uncomfortable I'm sure and he didn't sleep a lot, restless he was at the end.  So, they are ready, they hang on for us because they feel they must do it for us, but like George, I believe Casey was ready and you read it right.  I hope my George and Casey run into each other.  Casey sounds like a fun dog!  I lost him on March 29, so it does take time...I'm still having days where I can't believe he's really gone for good.  I wish you peace.  I found writing journals about his memories helped.  I think your stories are a great release.  I love that you are going to pick up her toys so another dog can't play with them, I would do the same...the toys are a precious reminder of them...all the best to you!

Quote 0 0
Mornin babygirl. Well I did it. I took down your pool yesterday. I went outside to sit and stare at it and try to decide if I wanted to clean it for you or...? Chip N Dale had it filled with so many apples I had to clean it and I put it away in the garage. That was one of the worse things so far. Our favorite thing to do. You love to swim. I loved watching you. Well, I balled my eyes out the whole time. It was so final. It hurt me to look outside at your pool,now it hurts to look out and not see your pool. EVERYTHING HURTS! I hated doin that. I hate doin alot of things cause you're not with me. I haven't done a whole lot of anything. I took the week off from work and just really takin it one day at a time. The house hasn't been cleaned still since you got sick, but I don't wanna sweep up "all this dog fur" I like lookin at it.  I know once I vacume, it will be gone for good. Your water bowl is there. Everything is the same.
Well, I was lonely yesterday and called Laylas mama and asked her if I could bring her over. She said yes. So I went over and she looked so happy to get out of the house and finally get to see inside our house. She had the sweetest look in her eyes. She took a tour of the house and followed me every where I went lol She was so quiet and she's so much smaller than you, I didn't even know she was behind me. When I looked down at her, she had this look on her face as if she was giggling at me. She is very precious, but we already knew that. You know that spot I always sat in? And you were always at my feet sittin there lookin at me smiling. I have a picture of you doin that on the table next to me. Layla sat there too,lookin at me smiling. But I looked over at your picture and felt you with us. She found your pillow, girl she must have sniffed it for 5 min. She knows Im missin my baby. She knows my heart is aching. She loved on me and showed me compassion. I took some pics of her on my phone and sent them to her mama at work. Her mama is so lucky to have her Layla with her, so young and just starting their lives together. But you know what? I fell more deeply in love with you the older you got. I am so in love with you Case, so deeply in love with you. I never loved anyone in my life the way I love you. And I know you felt the exact same way. I promised you I would always take care of you and I loved every second we had together. I think everything was perfect, everything happened the way it was supposed to,in perfect time. God gave us so much more than I had even asked for. He brought us together and stayed with us til the end. I prayed everyday for you. I haven't prayed at all this week. I feel as if I'm just floating around with no purpose in life. I have no one to take care of. The next chapter in my life is supposed to be about me. And I think that scares me. In fact, I know it does. I don't know where to begin. I'm sure once I start talkin to God, he will guide me. For now, I just think of you all the time. I look at your videos and pictures and smile. I don't seem to be crying as much,I laugh and smile more. I think that's because I know I did right with you and all is well with your body and soul now. I wasn't selfish in any way and have no regrets. I won't spend my days searching for some way of trying to make myself feel bad for something I may have missed along the way. Everything was done in God's time and now you're with him. I can't wait for Monday night candle lighting for you and Sam. I'm going to pick him up today at my friends house. It would be prefect if the Doctor calls me on Monday, to come and get you. I would have you both with me on Monday night.
I'm gonna close for now. "I have to do salon nails purdy" "I be back in 1 min" I miss you so much Case and I will be thinkin of you ((HUG))
Talk to you tomorrow, give Sam man a kiss for me , kisses to you babygirl!
Quote 0 0
Mornin babygirl. Yesterday I picked up Sam. I thought when I saw him, it would be more than I could handle. But instead, I felt like he was back home with me. Now I pray that you come home tomorrow so we can all be together again. I received a card from your doctor yesterday,everyone signed it and said they miss you so much. There was a poem attached inside I wanna share with you:
God looked around his garden and found an empty place
He then looked down upon the earth and saw your precious face
He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest
Gods garden must be beautiful ,he always takes the best
He knew that you were suffering,he knew that you were in pain
He knew that you would never ever,get well on earth again
So he closed your weary eyes and whispered peace be thine
Then he took you up to heaven with hands so gentle and kind
It broke my heart to lose you But you did not go alone
For part of me went with you
The day God welcomed you home!

I woke up this mornin with a happy little face staring at me. Miss Layla,the little neighbor dog, slept with me. I woke several times last night, and she was still right there. She seemed cold so I covered her with the blanket, and woke a couple hrs later, still covered in blankets, I laughed and said My Casey girl would NEVER sleep with blankets over her. She never left my side all night. I woke up smiling but I also felt a little sad for having another dog in your spot. But she did NOT get your pillow. I kept thinkin of all those times this little girl was neglected and abused by her first mama, and now she has a new mama to love her, and also me to watch over her when her mama is away. She had a sad beginning but she will live the rest of her life loved and treated the way she deserves. She loves your doggie door LOL just goes in and out all day long. She feels free and not caged or chained up. She's so happy with her new mama and new life. I'm glad you made peace with her before you left,so I don't feel bad for being there to help this little creature. I think you knew she had a rough life once before.
I miss you baby girl and I'm lookin forward to tomorrow night's candle ceremony. I really hope and pray you get home in time.
Holding you forever close to my heart. You got a hold of my heart and you know that.
Quote 0 0

I read your story and tears welled in my eyes. I am so sorry for your pain and loss. It can be unbearable at times and nothing anyone can say makes it any better. Take one day at a time and just breathe.  You are in my thoughts. Please come back and share your grief, we here all understand xx

Mia Jessie aged: 11 years. Always our puppy girl xxxxxx
Quote 0 0
Mornin babygirl, Layla went home yesterday afternoon, I cried my eyes out. She was so much joy to have around,I didn't even mind her laying in your spot. I sat staring at your picture and talkin to you, I prayed you would return back to me today. I hope the Doctor calls for me to come get you, in time for tonights ceremony. I feel like I will have some kind of closure with you and Sam back home together.
I tried to work yesterday after taking all last week off. I looked over and never saw you laying there by my side. It wasn't a great day. I managed to work 3 hrs. Maybe today will be better.
It's been 1 week today. Feels like an eternity. I am facing denial at times. Thinking you will walk through the door or bark for me to come find you. Then it hits me, and hits me hard, reality forces the uncontrollable tears to flow. I feel so empty inside. You are all I have. I spent the last 12 years taking care of you and Sam, now I have no one to care for. The house is quiet. Lonely. I still have us on a schedule. Last night at 6pm I thought of dinner time. Instead of being in the kitchen with you I sat alone on the couch crying,feeling like I had no purpose any more. I went to bed early just to end the day. Just so I could have a few minutes peace without the pain I constantly feel in my heart. Only to wake up feeling the same way. I know you are in heaven and at peace. I am so Thankful you are no longer in pain or faced with worry for me. I felt your eyes on me last night, the worry you must have felt for me was so intense at times. All I could do was hold and cuddle you. Now, I will wait for your sign, for your voice to speak to me and tell me it's okay to go on. I know God has a plan for me and when it's time, I'm sure I will move forward,always taking you with me. As of yet, I haven't done much more than sit and stare. I ask myself how can I go on? What's the next Chapter in my life going to be? I long to be loved. The way you love me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you more than anything else in the whole wide world, and you know it!
Please come home today in time for tonights Candle Lighting Ceremony,God I ask this in your name and from the bottom of my heart and soul.
Love you babygirl ((HUG))
Quote 0 0
Casey's Mom,
I'd recommend calling the vet to see if Casey is ready to come home. They could just be delayed in contacting you.
Quote 0 0

Great idea! I was trying to remember how long it was for Sam to come home. Thanks, I will give them a call.

Quote 0 0
Casey's momma,

My heart aches for you and what you are going through. I lost my CiCi on July 15th without warning and no time to say goodbye. I took CiCi to the vet on Tuesday as she was becoming weak and starting vomiting. The vet said her levels were all elevated and she needed to stay at the animal hospital in order to get better. I left her that Tuesday afternoon in hopes she would be better in a few days and I could bring her home. The next morning I called the vet for an update. She said CiCi was still weak and she would continue the IV and medicine to help he get better. At 5:00pm that day I called again and asked if it was okay to come and visit her. I didn't want CiCi to think I had abandoned her and wanted to tell her that I loved her and wanted her to get better and come home soon. The receptionist told me it was okay so I told her I would come on my lunch break the next day which she said would be a good time. I got up so excited to let CiCi know I was praying for her and I would see her soon. When I arrived to work my cell phone rang and the bad news began...Miss Rhonda I have bad news...CiCi did not make it through the night...the tears fell and my heart sank. CiCi was all I had as I lived alone with her. I have never in my life felt so empty inside as I knew no one loved me like she did. I cry everyday and have not been able to sleep in my bed since her passing because she was always lying against my back. I wish I would have had some time with her to make sure she knew how much I loved her and was going to miss her when she was gone....She was my baby girl for 11 1/2 years and the bond we shared was undescribable. I will pray for you and I asking God to help ease the terrible pain our hearts are feeling. God bless you and please try and be strong....

Hugs and kisses for Casey  <3 <3
Quote 0 0
Miss Rhonda, I have great news for you,your baby CiCi is with God in heaven. The most amazing place in the world. She must have been so special,since God seems to take the special ones first. She was chosen as your angel. Your baby is beautiful. I had a poodle growing up for 17 yrs. I know the special bond they have with us. They are so "human like" it's unbelieveable. I am so sorry for you. I know how heart breaking it is. I'm sorry you were'nt able to say good bye. Awww your baby loves you so much. She was just so tired and wanted to go to sleep, like my Casey.
 I know the feeling of loneliness, the house is quiet and you don't have your baby to cuddle. I know. It's just the deepest pain ever. I'm alone now too. I try to smile more than cry. When I look at her pictures and videos, or think about our lives together, I smile. How can I not? She brought so much happiness into my life. I loved her more than anything else in the world. When I cry, I cry hard.
I'm sure you think more about not being able to say your good bye's and tell her how much you love her, BUT, she does know this. That undescribeable love you two shared,needs no words. SHE KNOWS!
May God Bless you!
Quote 0 0