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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #1 
God sure knew what he was doin when he brought us together! You are the love of my life babygirl and I will hold you close in my heart forever. Soon We meet again at Rainbow Bridge.
My Casey Girl was diagnosed on April 7,2010 with Liver and Bone Cancer. She was given 2-3 weeks to live. My baby was so strong and brave. She never once cried or gave up. The tumor in her arm got so big real fast and caused her alot of pain the last weeks to get up and walk. Yet she did it for me. Her Liver was 90% cancer in April and yet she went about her life as if nothing was wrong with her.
Everyday we layed in the pool 2,3,4 times, whatever she wanted. We cuddled and kissed and had long talks. She loves her belly rubs. We enjoyed snacks and dinner time,she never lost her appetite.
Last Friday she woke limping worse and seemed to be in alot of pain,almost giving up, wanting to lay back down. I encouraged her to keep going. She did it for me. She was so brave and never let me down.
The weekend grew worse, yet her will was still strong. She wasn't able to get comfortable and rest, always changing positions to find her cozy spot but sleep was near impossible for longer than an hour or so at a time.
Monday morning she woke at 1 am, panting hard,not able to rest, It took 2 hours to finally get her comfortable, then she took a 2 hour nap. We started our day as always, breakfast and a dip in the pool. She looked at me and said" Im so tired" We went inside and I cuddled her little wet body in bed and in 1 minute she was fast asleep and snoring. She took a 1 hour nap. I layed beside her thinking how peaceful she is when she sleeps. No pain,no discomfort,no worries. I knew the time had come.
I knew I had to let her go. They always say "you will know when it's time" For 3 months I waited for that sign. I didn't know in what form it would be,til the moment it happened. Her eyes and the way she always spoke to me with them. This time she was saying "I'm just so tired"
Last night around 6pm she went to sleep. I was with her for 3 hours. We spent our time together having biscuit snacks, playing ball, and what we loved to do most "cuddle" No tears were shed til the very end. I stayed brave and strong as she has always been. I told her to go find "Sam" her brother who just went to sleep 4 months ago. "I love you" was said too many times to count. My final words to her were "I will see you at Rainbow Bridge,I will be there in a minute"
I came home last night to an empty house for the first time in 12 years. No one went with me,no one has called and no support from anyone came. I was alone. I layed in bed last night cuddling her pillow that smells like her,smiling,content,happy that she no longer has to hurt. This morning I woke in the most pain I have ever felt in my life. I screamed, cried,cuddled her pillow,watched her videos,pictures. My heart is so empty and I feel so alone. I remember a letter I got from a company I ordered their supplies from when my Sam had gone to sleep. It was titled "Rainbow Bridge" I never read it til yesterday. I felt by reading it, I would find some comfort in letting my baby go. And I did. Someone told me once,dogs don't have souls. I strongly disagree. In fact, I feel with every part of my mind,body and soul, they do have. I logged online this morning to find some kind of comfort and ran across this site. Thank God I have you. And Thank God for answering my prayers giving me 3 months with my baby instead of 2-3 weeks.
Thank you so much for this site. I don't feel so alone now. My heart goes out to everyone who is missing their furfriends.

Attached Images
jpeg Casey.jpg (160.49 KB, 21 views)
jpeg Casey1.jpg (93.22 KB, 21 views)
jpeg Casey2.jpg (95.36 KB, 23 views)
jpeg Casey4.jpg (114.37 KB, 23 views)

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heavyheart

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Reply with quote  #2 
I cry as I read your post.  My heart aches for you and me for going thru the same pain.
Finding this site has been God sent for me. Everyone here has been so comforting and understanding of the pain we are enduring.  Casey was a beautiful furbaby never to be forgotten, treasured forever. Try to stay strong.


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Leeanne
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nicokudo

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Reply with quote  #3 
Casey's mom

I am so sorry about your loss.  Your baby was a beautiful Golden!!  I'm so glad that you had those extra months to say good-bye.  I had the same with my Kudo and although it is a bittersweet time, any additional time is a blessing.  I'm so glad that you stumbled onto this site; I found it to be a godsend. 

I lost my boys 7 and 3 years ago but continue to come to this site to pay it forward.  I was a wreck for almost a year and found comfort and peace here.  You will too.

Karen




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Karen,Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #4 
I am so sorry and I understand the intense overwhelming feeling of helplessness and grief.  I lost my beloved Ted last week and am still crying my eyes out.  It does seem to subside a little each day.  There are so many people that truly do not understand the bond that is possible with an animal.  I feel sorry for them.  When I get totally overwhelmed, I turn to this site and the forums.  I find it extremely cathartic to know that I am not alone.  I am sorry you are in so much pain.  I wish there were words that could take it away.  The pictures are wonderful.  She must have been a great friend.

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Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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DebbieD

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Reply with quote  #5 
Casey's Mom,
I am so sorry for your loss, but glad you had that extra time - more than they predicted. I know you made the most of every second.

And I'm sorry that you didn't have anyone there to help you - know that there are many wishes being sent your way from those of us on this forum who understand and are there with you in spirit. I know it's not the same, but hopefully it's some comfort that we are here and understand.
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RoxanneA

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Reply with quote  #6 
Casey's Mom,

I'm so sorry you lost Casey.  She was a beautiful girl with such loving eyes.  Like you, I also mourn alone.  I lost my cat Quincy suddenly yesterday morning.  After 13 wonderful years together, I spent my first night without him to cuddle with.  He would jump up on the bed and if my arms were under the covers, he would use the top of his head to gently push on my face until I took my arm out and then he would curl up in the crook of my arm (purring the whole time) and we would fall asleep together.  He would wake up during the night and lick my face.  The older he got the more loving he became.  It hurts so much knowing that we will never have moments on earth like that again.  The pain is so bad that I want to scream and I also feel so alone even though I have my other cat Lionel.  Right now the only thing that helps me cope is knowing that some day we'll be together again in a better place.

My heart goes out to you because I know exactly how you're feeling.  As hard as it is now, we just have to keep believing that it will get better with time.

Roxanne
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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #7 
Oh, what a tender message of love!  Casey is a gorgeous girl, and now she is healthy, strong and young forever.  She's your special angel and she will never be more than a whisper away from you as long as you live.  Thank you so much for sharing your story and for showing us so many beautiful pictures of Casey.

Casey was so fortunate to have found her forever home with you.  As you said, God brought you together.  You were meant to be each others' best friends for life and beyond.  What a tremendous blessing!  May your beautiful memories of life with Casey lift your spirits as you find your path to healing.  Casey and Sam are together forever, and they will watch over you as long as you live.  Bless you for loving them both so well.

I noticed that your avatar is a bit distorted so I took the liberty of cropping the picture as close to a square as possible so it will not distort in the small space available for avatars.  I hope you don't mind.

You and your beautiful angels, Sam & Casey, are in my thoughts and prayers.




Attached Images
jpeg Casey_Girl_cropped.jpg (207.13 KB, 169 views)


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My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thank you Susie for the pic. She is so beautiful! And Thank you for your support.
Thank you to everyone who replied to Casey's Story.
Roxanne,Debbie,tiki. Karen, heavyheart.
A letter to My Casey: Girl, I miss you sooo much! I look at all the spots where you layed and you're not there. A pillow lays in your place in the living room so I don't have to see it empty. Your necklace purdy hangs on my rear view mirror in the car. A picture of you is there too, the one of you smiling at me,like you always did. Your toys are still where you left them. I went to bed last night and kept looking at the doorway waiting for you to come to bed. I cuddled your pillow so tight, I can smell you and feel you. God, I miss your fluffy soft fur. I'm going out today to buy a special heart locket,inside will be your fur that I saved and that toe nail I found laying next to you that day. "You have such a hold of my heart girl,and you know it" You always wagged your tail when I said that, yeah, you know how special you are to me. I was so blessed God answered every one of my prayers. We were so blessed to have shared those last few months together. Thank you baby girl for holding on so long and being so brave. You are so brave. God,I just miss you so much girl. Everyone says take it one day at a time. But all I can do is take it one minute at a time. I woke this morning and got my coffee,your "peanut butter pills" weren't there. I broke down and cried. I screamed. I walked through the doorway, and you weren't there to step over. You didn't follow me to the office "to check messages" you're not laying at my feet right now. When I was driving home yesterday, I was in such a hurry, like always, to get home to you, cause I never liked leaving you alone. Even knowing you weren't there, all I wanted to do was to come home to you. Smell your pillow, look at your pictures. I played with the little neighbor dog yesterday hunny. "Are you cheatin on me" No baby, never. No one will ever fill my heart with the love you gave me,, never. But I needed some play time and Amanda said Layla could come out to play with me. We went inside for a minute and I taught Layla how to "shake toes" baby girl, In 10 min. her mama was so excited - she's a new mommy and is seeking guidance,she knows I hold a special place in my heart for dogs and will be there as a guardian mama to little Layla. Baby girl, I will never be able to let you go. this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I know you love me and you know I love you more than anything else in the world. I just wish I could hold you forever. I wish we could be like this forever and one day we will be together forever. I hope my mom is with you and Sam man too. I hope and pray you have peace in your soul. Baby please come to me in my dreams any time you want and as often as you can cause I just miss you so much. I can't even begin to tell you how badly my heart aches for you. But I know you were hurting so bad,and probally more than you let me know, and for that I must feel my own pain for taking yours away. I just miss you so much. I love you more than anything else in the world and you know that. I will write to you again tomorrow. I don't know what Im going to do today, but I know I will be thinking of you all the time and just missing you so much. OH GOD BABY I LOVE YOU !!!!
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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #9 
I know that there is nothing I can say that will take the devastating heartache away.  I am glad you are letter writing.  I have been doing the same and it really has helped me.  I have also started making blankets to donate to a a local shelter to ease the pain of another animal.  I have had many animals in my lifetime and loved them all but I have never felt the pain I have felt losing my precious Ted.  I think that we are lucky to have found a soul mate to share our happy times and sad times with, even if it was only for a short time.  Some people never have that.  I keep thinking about the song "The Dance".  I could do without the pain but I would never give up the dance. 
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Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #10 
Thank you Barbara. She truely was my soul mate. Speaking of blankets. When I took Casey in to go to sleep, they unknowingly brought Sam's blanket I had donated to them 4 months earlier. She layed to rest on her brothers blanket.

To My Casey girl: Its almost time for bed "sleepy tired" and I dred that so much knowing you won't be following me. And I dred waking up in the morning without you by my side to cuddle. Today I stayed busy and played with my friends little dogs. One little guy is tired like you were and he will be joining you soon. My friend said he never loves on anyone or cuddles with them, this was my first time to meet the little guy and he was just so sweet and adorable, I think he knew I was missing you. He licked my face and gave me kisses. Watch for little Sparky soon, he will need some help playin ball :)
Good night babygirl, I know I will be crying myself to sleep again tonight. The best part about bed time is I get to smell your pillow BIG SMILES.
Sleep tight babygirl, I love you more than anything else in the whole wide world.
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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #11 
Casey will always follow you at sleepy tired time.  She's just in a different form now, and it's hard for us to adjust to that.  The two of you share a bond that cannot be broken, and she will always be just as much a part of your daily routine as ever.

I am so deeply touched that they brought Sam's blanket to Casey that day.  What an amazing sign that Sam was right there with you, waiting to escort Casey on her journey to the Bridge, and to comfort you as you let her go.  Love drops are falling at the thought of it.  What a mighty and righteous angel Sam is!  And now Casey is at his side.  If she can't be with you physically, that's the best place for her to be.. 

xoxoxo



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My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #12 
As you are going to sleep tonight, think about your beloved Casey and how she is well now and able to play without pain.  I have asked Ted to seek her out and to tell her how much you loved her.  I hope tomorrow will be a little less painful for you.  
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Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #13 
I keep looking at the pictures you uploaded in your first post here.  Every time I look at Casey, I remember my sister's first dog, Munchie.  We called her a German Whorehound because my sister and her husband adopted Munchie when they were stationed in Germany, and she was a girl of...ahem...unknown ancestry (lol).   Our entire family adored her to the ends of the earth and beyond.  She has been at the Rainbow Bridge since August 12th of 1987, and I still love her as much as ever. 

Heeeeere's Munchie!




Attached Images
jpeg Munchie!.jpg (59.82 KB, 127 views)


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My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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CHASMOM

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Reply with quote  #14 

MyCaseyGirl, I am crying along with you.  I am so sorry for your loss of Casey and her brother too.  I know exactly how you feel.  All those years she was there and now it's empty.  I know, I know.  I also hate walking into my house without my Chas there.  It will be 3 weeks tomorrow since I said goodbye.  I am still grieving but time and tears are healing, albeit slowly.  You were a wonderful mommy.  You stayed with her til the very end.  She isn't in anymore pain and she is in a beautiful, peaceful place.  Soon you will have a dream or a sign.  Sometimes we grieve so deeply that we don't see the signs in front of us.  She is still with you.  She is waiting for you to take a deep breath and then when you least expect it you will get your sign from Casey.  My heart goes out to you.  Sending a hug your way.

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MyCaseyGirl

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Reply with quote  #15 
Thanks everyone for your support. Susie,Munchie is beautiful. I have such a weak spot in my heart for Goldens. They are so gorgeous when they smile. When I first saw her pic, I couldn't remember taking that of Casey lol I thought she had come to me from another place.
chasmom: Im glad Im not alone in feeling the emptiness when walking thru the door and not seeing a wagging tail and a big smile there to greet me. Im thinkin of you today. Its been 3 days since Casey went to sleep,it feels like years.
Kiss to Ted :)

Good Mornin Casey: God I miss you girl. Last night was so painful. I layed in bed watching the doorway for you to walk through, to hear your little toes as they cross over into our room. I cuddled you so tight but its just not the same. I layed there remembering how you used to watch the kitchen door, where you last saw Sam walk out, Im sorry you grieved for him, I hope and pray I was some comfort to you. Im so so sorry I got sick after he left and I know I wasn't there for you as much as I should have been. I hope I made it up to you when I got better. I sure tried. Everything I did was for you. I loved taking care of you. All those times I had to leave, and you were so sad, just broke my heart more than I think you know. Im all you have and I know that. I drove home as fast as I could to be with you.
I got the locket yesterday. Its a silver heart and has a rose on the front and says I LOVE YOU and on the back it says Sam and Casey. When I told the engraver what I wanted it to say, I broke down right there and balled my eyes out. Its just perfect, Im wearing it now, although empty still, I need to put y'alls pictures in it. You are forever in my heart. And right now it's breaking so bad. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I told you this a million times. Even way back when you were 4 weeks old, I dredded the day when I would have to let you go. I Thank God sooo much that you didn't have to suffer more than you did. I can't help but to think maybe you hurt more inside than you let me know. Thats because you love me so much and didn't wanna burden me. You are so brave, so brave, so brave. I keep thinking of you lifting your beautiful little head that day. I hope you weren't scared. I hope you just felt sleepy tired. You were so tired baby, I saw it in your eyes. And our last nap together was so special to me. You layed down and fell asleep so fast, your body was just plum wore out. I layed there listening to you snore just smiling so big. I knew later that day you would be at last able to rest the way you deserved. I miss playing in your pool with you. Watching you dip your head under the water to get the ball. Your pool is still filled,I havent been able to go out back yet, I have the drapes closed so I dont have to look at it. I remember that morning at 5 am I looked out and saw you laying in the water lol you always made me laugh. I went out there with you and sat in the dark and played with you. You were never a burden to me. Taking care of you was the best time of my life. When I said, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, I wasn't just saying it, It was true. I will never be able to find a love like yours again. I Thank God for keeping us strong and getting us through those last few months. Baby I miss you sooo much! I think of the times I was away and the pain you must have felt missing me. I never left unless I really really had to. I miss your little face and the way you smiled at me. The way you layed your head on me. And shake toes. And I don't know how many thousand belly rubs I gave you but I could just lay there all day for the rest of our lives doing that for you. Hogging the bed, rolling over and taking my spot. And you always got your way "Yeah,yeah, you're the boss" I knew I wasn't LOL
Baby, I dont know what today holds for me. I have to go face people who are going to say "Im so sorry, shes not hurting any more" and Im so sick of that. I know you aren't. I was with you every minute of your life. People make me angry sometimes. You're the only one who knew just what to say to me. I just miss you girl. More than you will ever know. God I love you more than anything else in the world.
I will talk to you again soon.
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