Danielle388
Hi All,
On April 1st my sweet Casey was euthanized is my home.  We had a veterinarian come to our house since she was always afraid of their offices.  She was going on 20 years old…I had her for 19 years.  My first pet…my first love.  
My partner and I left for the coast immediately after her transition.  I underestimated how difficult it would be to return home and face her absence.  We were a packaged deal, Casey and I.  Wherever I went…she went.  In her latter years, due to her being deaf and blind, the level of care indicated increased.  As long her that sweet tail kept wagging, I so didn't care.  She was so heroic and found joy in spite of her limitations.  This past year, the emergent vet visits increased as she was in her first stages of kidney failure.  
Then she started having seizures and she lost mobility in her hind legs.  The last one she had, the mobility never returned.  We were going to construct a walker for her but the morning of April 1st, we looked at each other and there was a knowing….It was time.
I miss her sooo much! Incredibly depressed and bedridden for two days.  I'm scared I won't get over this.  Seriously, I think I've fallen into a clinical depression!  I'm wondering how long this lasts.
Thanks for listening.
Peace ~
Danielle
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Bellamum
Hi Danielle,
I am so sorry that you had to say goodbye to your precious Casey.  I know the overwhelming heartache that you are describing because I have lived it too. 
In your post you said, "I'm scared I won't get over this"... I actually don't think we ever get over it.  I think we gradually learn to cope with our "new normal", but we never actually get over it.  When we say goodbye to our dear friends we become changed in some ways.  I think that we will grieve in some way forever.  The pain does become "less raw" though.
I said goodbye to my gorgeous beagle, Bella, 12 months ago.  We too, decided to let her go as she was suffering from kidney failure too.  I spent a lot of time feeling depressed and extremely guilty after we lost Bella, but as time has moved on, I now have more control over my emotions and I am more at peace.  I will love Bella and miss her forever, but now I am able to really focus on the feelings of immense gratitude that I feel.  I feel so privileged that I had her in my life for almost 10 years and when times become tough (which they still do), I put all of my energy into those thoughts.  It doesn't take away the pain, but it does give me a sense of perspective.
You gave your beautiful Casey the greatest gift of love that you could ever give her.  You recognised when she had fought all she could fight and then you ignored your own desire to have her with you forever and only concentrated on what was right for her.  It takes great courage and deep, deep love to do that.  That is how I feel about what my family and I did for Bella.  While it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, it was also the easiest.  I would never want to knowingly leave her suffering.  It was our love for Casey and Bella that allowed us to make that difficult decision.  Be proud of yourself for putting Casey first.
It is going to take time...lots and lots of time and lots of effort to focus on the positives.  Casey gave you many, many, many reasons to smile and only one reason to cry.  As hard as it is, try to focus on those many, many happy memories.  I hope that soon those memories will bring you more smiles than tears.  Be gentle with yourself and let yourself cry and grieve as much as you want to.
I would love to see a photo of Casey...I love to see who Bella's new friends are.  I also have found that posting photos of Bella has helped my healing.  It has given me opportunities to pay tribute to my most loyal friend.  The people on this forum are wonderful.  They are supportive and compassionate and they truly understand the depth of feelings that we have for our companions. 
I wish you peace and healing.
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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tuxtails
Sorry for your loss, there is no way to describe the pain that you are feeling. Casey was fortunate to have you...post some pics


Toni 
(Tux's Mom)
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Danielle388
Thank you…..I'm sobbing now….I don't know what to do with myself….so lost.  Tried to upload a pic but was unsuccessful the first time.  Will try again.  Thank you for witnessing me in my grief and braving the storm before me…your words are a breath of comfort. 

Wasn't able to post again….I guess it uses too much space….
Peace ~
Danielle
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Danielle388
IMG_0019.jpg 
Peace ~
Danielle
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mybaby1robert
You did the incredible and had the most rewarding relationship bestowed on humans.  The sadness and heartache last for a long time.  I still feel the sadness for my Robert who was 15 when I had to put him down.  That was about a month and a half ago.  I think we are here at this place to help each other as we are all very heartbroken over our fur babies.  They are doing well but we are not.  May peace come to you.  I have yet to find it but I come to the rainbow bridge for some comfort.  That is all anyone can give to me.   Bless your sweet Casey and you for your devotion and love.
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tuxtails
Cute picture! I had the same problem uploading a picture, I was so upset and crying.  We are all fortunate to have this site, it helps tremendously! Take care of yourself and think of happy memories with your baby.
Toni 
(Tux's Mom)
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