SadL7
My cat, Carlos, was just a kitten 4 years ago at the humane society, he was found in a thunderstorm, alone, at 1 week old with no parents around. We adopted him. He turned out to be a very timid cat, our older cat made him live in terror as a young kitten. As he got bigger, he became braver and braver, and though he was never likely to come up to a stranger, he was comfortable around my family. Whenever I left a room, he would look at me form that room very sadly, like he was already missing me. When I say "CarlyCarl" or "Carlos" in a high voice and snap my fingers, he would always come running. When I pet him, it felt like he was being petted but I was getting the benefit. He always was a lean cat and just a month ago, we got him a WunderBowl. He began to eat a healthy amount of food every day. I was so happy, I thought that he was going to be fine, his hunger issues finally over. After a week, he hadn't gained weight. We took him to the vet and found he had kidney failure. We never found out why. FastForward 3 days, he isn't eating and his mouth is bleeding. We took him to the hospital, his kidneys couldn't work at all anymore and his mouth hurt far too much to eat. He was in severe pain and he was hungry. We had to send him off. I don't know if there is heaven, and even if there is, how long do I have to wait to see him? I miss him. This is the day after we decided to put him down, and I am walking in circles, crying at his grave, sobbing while watching videos and pictures of him, and sometimes I collapse onto my bed and I find that I can't move. I keep calling him and just hoping, he doesn't magically appear and I'm all sad again. I'm afraid that if he's still out there somewhere, that he's afraid. He was always afraid of new things, and now he doesn't have me there with him. Every time I think of him I get sadder than sad, and when things are just ordinary sad, the only thing that could possibly make me happy is the feeling of him brushing against my leg. He was only 4. Thats too young.
I know I'll never forget him, but I can't live without him. I am normally depressed, even with Carlos, and this past day I noticed that its so much worse. I don't know if I can do this without you, Carly.
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nosunshine36
My sincere condolences on the loss of your Carlos. It seems to me he was very lucky when you decided to adopt him and give him so much love! It’s very sad indeed that he had kidney failure. Sometimes there really is no rhyme or reason.
I know the horrendous pain you’re feeling now. It will get better in time but cry as much as you feel like. It’s normal to miss him so much because you were so very close. It’s also unfair that he only had 4 years and you only had that short amount of much time together!
Do you still have your other cat? Animals can be very comforting and also so intuitive. You might want to pet your other cat and he/she will want to comfort you, I’ll bet!
Please write more about Carlos when you feel up to it.
Take Care of yourself during this tough time.
Blessings,
Sharon
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SadL7
nosunshine36 wrote:
My sincere condolences on the loss of your Carlos. It seems to me he was very lucky when you decided to adopt him and give him so much love! It’s very sad indeed that he had kidney failure. Sometimes there really is no rhyme or reason.
I know the horrendous pain you’re feeling now. It will get better in time but cry as much as you feel like. It’s normal to miss him so much because you were so very close. It’s also unfair that he only had 4 years and you only had that short amount of much time together!
Do you still have your other cat? Animals can be very comforting and also so intuitive. You might want to pet your other cat and he/she will want to comfort you, I’ll bet!
Please write more about Carlos when you feel up to it.
Take Care of yourself during this tough time.
Blessings,
Sharon

Thank you Sharon. He was very special to me.
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jerigraehl
I just lost my cat Khaomanee Sunday 7-21-19. I feel exactly like you. I have also lost a cat at age 4 and it broke my heart. Khaomanee was 15 and he was with me day and night through everything and our bond was very very close. We are both in the acute stages of grief. I have been there before but each time it is almost like you grieve for all of them at the same time. I don't know. I too can't think straight, can't eat, can't sleep and all I do is cry. I am so horribly sad and even guilt ridden about how I handled things - second guessing every choice and would it have made a difference. You could not save your cat. You gave him a loving home. We both did that. They knew we loved them and would meet thier every need. Someday you and I will be in their position. We can only hope someone will care as much about us. Perspective is so hard at this stage and we have not even accepted that they are really gone. I am waiting for the call that his ashes are at the vets. I actually asked for them to be sent there since his spirit was left there last so maybe he could come home with me if he needs to with the ashes. How crazy is that? I really want him to go the rainbow bridge/white light of God and wait for me there. I told him that before he died. I wish I knew where he was and that he is ok and I will see him again. Jeri
jerigraehl
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SadL7
jerigraehl wrote:
I just lost my cat Khaomanee Sunday 7-21-19. I feel exactly like you. I have also lost a cat at age 4 and it broke my heart. Khaomanee was 15 and he was with me day and night through everything and our bond was very very close. We are both in the acute stages of grief. I have been there before but each time it is almost like you grieve for all of them at the same time. I don't know. I too can't think straight, can't eat, can't sleep and all I do is cry. I am so horribly sad and even guilt ridden about how I handled things - second guessing every choice and would it have made a difference. You could not save your cat. You gave him a loving home. We both did that. They knew we loved them and would meet thier every need. Someday you and I will be in their position. We can only hope someone will care as much about us. Perspective is so hard at this stage and we have not even accepted that they are really gone. I am waiting for the call that his ashes are at the vets. I actually asked for them to be sent there since his spirit was left there last so maybe he could come home with me if he needs to with the ashes. How crazy is that? I really want him to go the rainbow bridge/white light of God and wait for me there. I told him that before he died. I wish I knew where he was and that he is ok and I will see him again. Jeri

I really, really can only hope that the rainbow bridge poem is true. I can't stand the thought thats he's really gone forever, or that he's alone and scared wherever he is.
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Memories_of_Marmalade


I do not believe Carlos is alone or scared, as he is still very much connected to you in spirit. Now he truly is your "Spirit Animal." Acknowledge his presence, feel his presence, honor his presence and speak to him when you can. Let him know how you feel and that he and you are still together. Tell him how much you love and miss him. He will sense you and that means he will hear you. I believe Heaven, for all living things, is another dimension. And we can reach over to that dimension and visa versa, but it is very subtle at times. 

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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