My sincere condolences on the loss of your Carlos. It seems to me he was very lucky when you decided to adopt him and give him so much love! It’s very sad indeed that he had kidney failure. Sometimes there really is no rhyme or reason.
I know the horrendous pain you’re feeling now. It will get better in time but cry as much as you feel like. It’s normal to miss him so much because you were so very close. It’s also unfair that he only had 4 years and you only had that short amount of much time together!
Do you still have your other cat? Animals can be very comforting and also so intuitive. You might want to pet your other cat and he/she will want to comfort you, I’ll bet!
Please write more about Carlos when you feel up to it.
Take Care of yourself during this tough time.
Thank you Sharon. He was very special to me.