Larissa Show full post »
Larissa
Today started better,more positive. Half way through the day it's gotten pretty bad. My husband was off for almost three weeks. He left for work,so normal after Christmas life has started back up. I notice my little friend gone now even more than before. The lonely feeling is almost nauseating. Trying to stay busy. Oh Easter, I can't believe it's been a week already. How my heart aches for your companionship. Those beautiful eyes looking up at me, and all the little happy chicken noises. It's far to quiet and empty here.
Larissa
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Smudgesmom
I grew up on a ranch and I completely understand your connection to Easter. Many people do not realize how personable, affectionate, and clever chickens are. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't raised them myself. It is wonderful that you dedicated yourself to Easter so much, you gave her more joy than she ever could have hoped for otherwise. I lost my dear cat Smudge too early as well, much too early, to cancer, three months ago. I was inconsolable and it still hurts a lot, but time is the best medicine for grief. I have a new kitten now and while she can never replace Smudge, she gives me a lot of comfort, and it makes me feel good to know that I can give her a loving home. Best of luck to you.
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rachbu
Larissa wrote:
...I just can't find joy in anything and just want my little friend back. Loss of pets isn't new to me,this time it's just so different.


Okay, so it's not joy, but here is what I got from reading this:

You just illustrated so perfectly the beauty and tremendous blessings and gifts we receive when caring for other beings:  In caring for others, the caregiver receives gifts that are even more profound than those they give.

So, actually, it IS joy I have for you: find joy in knowing that the depth of your pain in losing them is at least as great as the depth of the pain you prevented them from experiencing as they were ailing.  All of those moments you remember, each one of them, every day, you took their pain away; you showed them love; you made living easier for those who suffered so greatly.  By making living tolerable, you enabled them to have life, regardless of how short it was, and the life they lived was one that showed them the very BEST that life can offer: they felt loved unconditionally, they felt cared-for unconditionally, they felt safety, security, warmth.  They didn't experience hatred, or anger, or pain, or suffering, or sorrow.  They only saw the beauty and the light in the life you allowed them to have.

You were like an Earthly angel to each little creature you nursed, no matter how great or small, and I think that is something in which you can find great pride and great joy.

Also, do you have pets that are healthy, without special needs?  Maybe you need to get one--a baby puppy or kitten, just to have something to raise, knowing it won't leave you so soon.  Why not get a healthy, beautiful, lovely baby and just "spoil" yourself a bit?  You can have that maternal bond, knowing you won't have to let go.  Just a thought.  You DO deserve that.
Rachel (Cuddles's mommy)
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Larissa
Rachel your words are so comforting. I love the way you described joy,and Smudgesmom it's nice to know you understand chickens and their capabilities to love. I live on a farm with lots of normal animals too. Horses,donkeys,goats,poultry,dogs,cats. We milk and breed dairy goats,and farm hay. We just have learned how to accommodate the ones needing a bit more help along the way,and somehow end up with the special needs ones. I'm trying to focus on everyone else. The normal healthy ones tend to get less attention. Not neglected or anything,just not as much as some that are more time consuming to care for. We have lots of baby goats due in a few months too so I'm trying to think about that. I'm REALLY struggling with the end of the day. It didn't matter what happened through the day,I always had my time with Easter in the evening and before bed. He melted all my troubles away. I have so much anxiety I just can't unwind. I can't stop thinking I just don't know how to live life without him. He even had a pen beside my milk stand,so when I milked he was right there. I'm trying so hard to be strong and positive, not doing great but trying. I have some video of him zooming around in his wheel chair. It's nice to be able to see him and hear his little noises like that. Clinging to every last piece of him that I can.
Larissa
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rachbu

Thank you, Larissa, I really meant every word.  I couldn't stop thinking about your post and really thought about it a great deal.

I still think it would be so soothing for your poor sad heart and soul if you have another "baby" that's really YOUR baby--not a farm animal baby, but a pet baby, regardless of the species you choose.  The love in your heart clearly knows no bounds, so you wouldn't love the others any less, but you just need someone special who you know will be there for a long time, a special little buddy you get to dote-on and pamper.  Your heart and spirit will heal right away when you have another baby who needs you.  It's not replacing one with another; it's honoring the memory, the life, the soul of your sweet lost love by giving the same tenderness and attention to another animal who needs it.  Maybe you rescue an otherwise healthy, but abandoned baby who needs you to heal his soul, but who will also blossom and grow and flourish under your warmth.

I think we're very much alike in terms of the rewards and joy we find in caring for others, and that is exactly what I did when a little angel fell into my arms, who had been abandoned and dumped outside twice, and who, under all of the fur, has scratches and cuts all over his body, but who I will heal and watch as he grows into a magnificent, proud, confident, healthy cat, and who in healing him, I am also healing myself--and honoring the life and the memory of my precious, princess kitty who I adored for 17 years, and who I will love always and forever.

This was how he looked after I pushed my forehead against his and told him he has a mommy now.

WP_20160104_15_46_34_Pro-small.jpg 

Rachel (Cuddles's mommy)
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rachbu
rachbu wrote:

Thank you, Larissa, I really meant every word.  I couldn't stop thinking about your post and really gave my reply a great deal of consideration.

I still think it would be so soothing for your poor sad heart and soul if you have another "baby" that's really YOUR baby--not a farm animal baby, but a pet baby, regardless of the species you choose.  The love in your heart clearly knows no bounds, so you wouldn't love the others any less, but you just need someone special who you know will be there for a long time, a special little buddy you get to dote-on and pamper.  Your heart and spirit will heal right away when you have another baby who needs you.  It's not replacing one with another; it's honoring the memory, the life, the soul of your sweet lost love by giving the same tenderness and attention to another animal who needs it.  Maybe you rescue an otherwise healthy, but abandoned baby who needs you to heal his soul, but who will also blossom and grow and flourish under your warmth.

I think we're very much alike in terms of the rewards and joy we find in caring for others, and that is exactly what I did when a little angel fell into my arms, who had been abandoned and dumped outside twice, and who, under all of the fur, has scratches and cuts all over his body, but who I will heal and watch as he grows into a magnificent, proud, confident, healthy cat, and who in healing him, I am also healing myself--and honoring the life and the memory of my precious, princess kitty who I adored for 17 years, and who I will love always and forever.

This was how he looked after I pushed my forehead against his and told him he has a mommy now.

WP_20160104_15_46_34_Pro-small.jpg 

Rachel (Cuddles's mommy)
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Larissa
Oh Rachel it does sound like you are healing with your new friend. That's uplifting. I can only imagine the joy he felt in his heart to know someone was finally going to love him. Maybe a new pet is a good idea down the road. I suppose my heart will let me know. My relationship with Easter was unique,and I don't think another handicap chicken will come along but yes maybe another species. I'm struggling tonight with wether laying him to rest the very next day was smart. I keep thinking of I just had another day with him to hold him.......or should I have had him cremated so I would have something to cling to. It probably wouldn't matter,I just keep thinking just one more day,just one more time to hold him....just one.....The night he died we lost power for a while so I did get to sit on the couch with him in my arms by candlelight one last time before he died. I didn't realize at the time that he was so close to the end.it was so dim lit. I layed him in a basket as he passed,maybe I should have held him. I stroked his head and talked to him and every so often he looked up at me. I didn't leave his side. I thought maybe he would be more comfortable in his nest,but now I'm agonizing over these details. Why am I obsessing over such things? Would I feel any better if he died in my arms than if he was just beside me.....probably not. I think tonight I just want to hold him in my arms so bad
Larissa
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