I miss my little sun cat so much. He passed this morning. I wrote him a letter and taped it to the wall. I'm hoping that if he comes to visit me in my dreams he will see it. I don't know how i am going to go into school tomorrow. I can barely keep it together. Knowing that I will never get to pet him, or look him in the eye again is breaking my heart. He was my best friend and I don't know what I am going to do without him. I want to just curl up in a ball and stay that way for a while, but what I want even more is to just get to see him at least one more time. I always used to hold my hand out to him at night and he would curl around or on my arm. I think that I will still do that every night. I tried distracting myself but everything reminds me of him. I'm scared to go on without my little buddy. Ever since I was a baby he has always been my protector. He lived to be 20 years old. I know I'm so lucky to have gotten so much time with him, but I still wish I had just one more day to tell him how much he is loved. I hope he was calm and peaceful when he passed. I don't know what I am going to do about tomorrow. I hope his spirit follows me around. I found this poem that has helped me a lot
I Walk With You
I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
“It’s me, I haven’t left you, I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I want to reassure you, that I’m not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said “it’s me.”
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It’s possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, “I never went away.”
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew …
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over and I smile and watch you yawning
and say “goodnight, God bless, I’ll see you in the morning.”
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I’ll rush across to greet you and we’ll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out . then come home to be with me.