anyasmom
I am so sad. My baby Anya died yesterday. She has been the reason I get up, take the jobs I've had, and try to keep a roof over my head. I don't think she knew she had that kind of responsibility. Years ago, I found myself isolating so I decided to foster a dog. In a mix up that dog was given to someone else, so I walked around looking for another when I saw a sign on a door stating 'blind.' I was told she was only available for adoption. I left, but returned 3 more times before finally adopting her. Surprisingly, Anya liked to go on walks (sometimes I forgot she was blind). But within months, she became sick with numerous illnesses every few months from gastritis to glaucoma to IVDD to IMHA to a heart murmur. Each time it was suggested that I let her go. Each time I said no and she bounced back. About two weeks ago she passed out after just walking down 13 stairs. I took her to the big box vet who ran tests, told me just carry her down the stairs(she was only 8 pds) and see a cardiologist. I don't make enough money now to pay my rent (in the past I worked good paying jobs but ultimately were too stressful and proved way above my compatencies). So I took Anya home vowing not to do stairs. A week later she was passing out more. Back to the vet again where blood work and ecg were normal.I was asked to consider euthanasia. I said I would think about it but not in the big box.I took her home and started giving her hawthorn & dandelion and besides the diarrhea she was passing out less frequently. Because the diarrhea hadn't resolved itself and now she was eating less, I went back to the vet. This time blood work and an x-ray was done. Because the office doesn't interpret x-rays, Iwas told I would get a phone call the next day. The next morning, I left Anya sleeping to go walk dogs (that is now what I do for 8.00/walk). When I returned Anya had moved but was sleeping again. I starting making breakfast and she got up and came into the kitchen (something she hadn't done in a couple of days). I syringe fed anti diarrhea meds and her breakfast and then took her out. She still had diarrhea. She looked like she was about to pass out but just stumbled. When she did the same thing, I didn't catch her before she fell in stool. I took her inside, put her lower extremetres under the water, soaped, rinsed, and put on a sweat jacket. I layer her down and ate but noticed she was trembling. I got a baby blanket I bought the night before, wrapped her in it and held her for a few minutes before I noticed she stopped trembling and then breathing.I called the vets office to let the office know what happened. Four hours later, I got a voice mail message with her test results. I couldn't tell you what the message said. I cannot believe my baby is gone. I feel so sad. I am just laying in bed. I have another small dog but I haven't taken her out since Thursday night. I have a 19 year old cat and my mother said "well, I guess the cat is next." My Anya was only about 12? (she was a rescue the shelter said was brought in as a stray). I only had her 6 years, I don't know why this is so painful.
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et61
I am so sorry for your loss. Its amazing the effects our animals have on our lives, hearts. I am going through the same pain and feels like some times I just can't get out of bed. I haven't eaten for 3 days now. The pain is too much. I can understand your pain. I know in time we'll both be better but it's trying to get through it that makes it so hard. Will be thinking of you.
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winstonsmom12
Anyasmom.  What a Beautiful Baby Anya is.  I guess it doesn't matter how long we have the privledge of having our babies.  I often wished animals could talk.  They could tell us exactly what they are feeling.  I had my Baby for 12 years. It would still hurt as much if I only had him for 12 days. 

Prayers to you my friend.  Keep coming to this forum and posting your feelings.  Most of us do, and I have found it very, very helpful. 
Susan
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CK1991
Hi,
Right now your loss is still so fresh!
Your cat could still live for a long time - cats are known for it.
Why not let you cat and you other little dog comfort you? They are likely grieving too so you could comfort each other. I know it is probably the last thing you feel like doing but perhaps taking your little dog for a walk would be good for you both. Anya would be sad to see you so sad - but I know you need to grieve for her. You may have formed a greater attachment because she was blind so you were her protector as well.
I am so very sorry for your loss! I hope you are able to find some peace.
Hugs to you!
CK
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Eddiesmom
anyasmom, i understand completely.  In addition to losing Eddie March 9th, I lost my foster dog Henry March 31st.  He was blind and disabled, he was a rottweiler so he was a lot of work as he was 100 lbs so not easy lifting him etc.  I only had him 14 months but LOVED him so much...my name here should be eddiesandhenrysmom but that's too long.  Anyway it takes a special person to adopt a blind dog so she was very lucky to have you.  I think the bond with a blind animal.....it is different, it's very strong because they really trust you COMPLETELY.  Your touch means more to them than a regular dog because that's all they have, they can't see that you are there.  It's very special indeed.  You are needed SO much more.  I am so sorry you are feeling this way.  I am the same, the only reason I get up is for my last dog left my little Chewy.  With 3 dogs, one disabled I didn't realize how much of my time was spent caring for them, now that my 2 big guys are gone....seems I have very little to do and things I can/should be doing I don't because I'd rather just sleep so I don't have to think and feel.  Of course sleep doesn't come unless I take pills and I'm running out of them and I know the doctor won't give me more so now I have to just lay here day and night thinking of my beloved dogs.  You are not alone in feeling like giving up or being crazy.  Your other pets need you though and we have to remember how our dogs lived, loving each moment and being happy.....lessons we all can learn from our pets.  So hard.  I'm sorry.
Sue E
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Evie123
Anyasmom, I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby. I know you feel like you don't want to go on and are in the deepest grief and suffering my friend. It really is so hard and I sometimes thought what's the point of anything, only having my Molly back could make things better. But you must, sweetheart. You have 2 other lovely souls who need you. You did all you could and Anya lived a good long life, some dogs I have known from shelters haven't had anywhere near as much love and time on this earth as your baby and you are to thank for that for being such a wonderful mum to her. Please try to go out, even for a short walk, you can always go back at any point so take it in small steps my friend. I was so distraught I went to the doctors and am on anti depressants, I would recommend making an appt because when we are depressed we need to ask for help. Please try to take care of yourself as you deserve it and Anya loves you so much she wants you to find some way to heal. Sending you lots of love and hugs sweetheart. Xxx
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et61
I am heartbroken over your story. I've lost many animals but Sweetie was special to me. He was my favorite animal of all my 15 (yes 15). He adopted me and I lost him Friday. I can't eat or sleep. I spent over $1500 trying to get him better only to hear the vet call and tell me that my beloved pet cat had passed away. It's amazing the effect these animals have on our lives and heart. My heart goes out to you. I hope that in time you will begin the healing process. You never forget.
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