Dear Kris, First of all, I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I can hear your pain in your words and it brings me to tears. Going through the grief that follows the passing of your baby is a terrible thing. This forum can be a great place to heal and find comfort.
Second, I want to assure you, you didn't leave your baby when she needed you most. You are FAR from a coward. A dog would never love and live with a coward....ever. You WERE there for her everyday and on her last day. You gave her everything she needed, you were sensitive to her needs, you knew her pain and challenges, and knew you were there at the vet's office. She saw you, came to you, and felt you. Even though you didn't stay until the very last moments and it was so hard, she knows she was loved and cherished without a doubt. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You were a great mom and your dog knew that. she Something that has helped me and others here regarding our babies at The Rainbow Bridge is to write notes to them. I don't know if it will be too painful and fresh for you since it's barely been a week, but, perhaps, it's an idea to assist in finding closure. Tell her how special she was and what she meant to you and yours. Tell her what a good job she did and how brave she was. Tell her that she was loved and adored and that'll you'll never forget her. I've said it before, but this time, I'm sure....there were plenty of members of the welcoming committee there for your girl when she arrived at The Rainbow Bridge recently. My boy Memphis, Mr. Murphy, lovely Bella, little Charlotte, Kia, Buddy, Pal, Charlie, Jinx, Matilda, Hannah, and so many others were there to greet her and show her where to have fun. They'll make sure she's ok. She's at peace now, no longer suffering, and waiting for the days she is reunited with you, her beloved mom. Please be kind to yourself during these hard days. Thinking of you and all the best, Erin (Memphis's Mom)
If love would have been enough to keep you here, you would have lived forever. (Memphis 2001-2014)