Babyteddysmom
It lost my baby on Sunday. I've had gut wrenching cries since then. Just today, as soon as I start to cry, it immediately goes away. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm just feeling so negative, and in disbelief. I keep looking at his pictures and up until today, I couldn't look without crying, and now nothing. I'm feeling very guilty. 😔
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Mistysmama
Babyteddysmom,
Grieving doesn't follow any set pattern. You could even be laughing at something funny but it wouldn't mean you didn't love, and it wouldn't mean you won't cry some other time.
It's been only three days. There is some emotional shock involved too in that short space of time, and that can bring numbness.

It honestly doesn't matter. What emotional rollercoasters you experience do not negate the love. If you can't cry suddenly, that doesn't negate the love either.

I remember feeling that awful sinking feeling in my gut, the first time I woke up in bed and accepted that my dog was no longer down the bed by my legs in the morning. I hated that acceptance. I hated waking up and just being able to carry on, and not getting an awful shock any more that she wasn't there! I remember that feeling clearly. I guess it took about a week or two after she left this world when that happened one morning, and was always like that from then on. I didn't like it.
I guess I horrified myself, that a part of me could just accept she was gone like that and get up in the morning without her. But it didn't bring the world or our love crashing down. Our love goes on.

I remember also the first day I didn't cry. And that was the day I sensed her presence only for a few moments, and knew she lived on. I believe she was sending me strength and hope and so much love. Her love dried up my tears for a few days.
Oh...but of course they came back another time.

Now, even five years and more on, I don't cry much....and then suddenly I do for a few minutes, and I know it's not necessary any more because I know how well she is where she's gone...but it's just a process of my own emotions which have to do what they need to do at their own pace and in their own time. I let them do what they need to do.

There is no reason to feel guilt about what is happening with your feelings.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Babyteddysmom
Thank you so much for your response and sharing your experience. Im so confused and I lost such a special part of my life. Xoxox
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Mistysmama
Yes of course you feel confused. You spent years with your loved one and life had a certain shape and meaning. Now suddenly that is snatched away. It is horribly confusing. And there's a sense that your life is torn in half and the "good half" has just somehow been thrown away!

But in a sense they are still beside us. Not exactly literally....but more on a heart-felt level. There is a new shape, and something can rise from the ashes. Something which shows us they live on in Spirit, and truly never went far away at all, not from our Hearts anyway.
But that is very hard to see or believe in, in those early days.

The love is not thrown away.  But we sense a split in reality....our world, without them. It hurts very much. Sometimes feelings can't handle that shock, and shut down for a while. So we can't cry, or we feel numb somehow.
All that is a natural part of grieving.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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