Dear KSD, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and about the doubt you feel now. That's absolutely normal, but I hope the doubt will pass soon. You have enough to deal with just adjusting to life without Jackson by your side physically. He will always be with you in spirit, but we all know that's not the same. You did make the right decision for Jackson. When I first came to this forum 6 years ago, someone posted something I will never forget. He said, "I would rather assist her (on her journey) a week too early than a moment too late." In other words, he would have done anything to have prevented her having even a moment's suffering. When we assist our best friends, we release them from the prospect of suffering even though we know our own immense suffering will just begin. There is no greater gift of love we can give them. I had to assist my cat, T.J. (aka: the Heart of My Heart" on March 9th. I had never had to make that decision before. My previous kitties had gone on their own. T.J. wouldn't have left this life on his own, he loved it so much. But his body had betrayed him, and a brain tumor had demolished any ability to navigate by himself. A dear friend whom I met here several years ago told me that he needed me to walk him to the gate and ring the bell for him. I love that analogy! It's so true. I am fortunate to have no regrets about any of the decisions I made on his behalf, or about when I made them, but then, I had more time to adjust to the idea that his time was drawing short than you did with Jackson. I also had the benefit of having been a member of this forum for a long time, so I knew ahead of time that I had all the support I needed and more from my forum family. Please come back and tell us all about Jackson and Cody and the wonderful stories of their life together. It really helps to tell their stories to other people who get it, and everyone here really does get it. I love his dignified attitude, and I'm so glad to hear that some of the memories have brought you smiles today. I'm just picturing your boys together. I once had a dog named John (Long John Lennon) who was 3/4 GSD and 1/4 Black Lab. He was absolutely adorable, and had the best qualities of both breeds. I hope he is cavorting and galavanting around the Bridge with Jackson, and introducing him to everyone there. Give Cody all the love you can and let him comfort you. He will bring you limitless comfort in these early days of adjustment. It's his job, and he loves it. He would do anything for you. You, your family, Cody, and your beautiful Angel Jackson are in my thoughts and prayers.
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)
"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley
BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery