Hi there. I'm new. I adopted Bartholomew on December 1, 2017. He was a 12 year old beagle at the Humane Society. He had limited vision, was undernourished, and was scared. The first time I met him, I couldn't force myself to get him out of the cage. The prospect of adopting a senior dog terrified me. I went back the next day, though, and took the little guy out and went to the meet and greet room. He immediately fell asleep on my leg and I knew he was mine. I knew that I was bringing him home to finish out his journey, and we had a wonderful year and a half. He loved car rides, adored his toys, and was the pride and joy of my life. He went down hill suddenly and rapidly, and my vet was kind enough to come to our home to help my little guy with the transition to the next leg of his journey on June 8. Needless to say, I was devastated, and still am. I got the print of his paw tattooed on my leg, and I still can't bring myself to get rid of his stuff... his toys, blankets, beds, diapers, medicine. His food bowl still sits on the ground where we used to eat his meals. 

In all, I thought the sadness had found its place. I figured I would just keep missing him and know that a little piece of me was gone, but that I would otherwise be fine. And for the most part, I have been. 

Been then today I got an email I hadn't been expecting. It would have been time to renew Barty's home again microchip for the next year. The subject line announced my little guy's name, and I just wasn't ready to see it. I knew I had to log in as soon as possible and turn off the account because I couldn't bear to keep getting emails about it. I logged into the website and started clicking around, trying to figure out how to unsubscribe. What I discovered is that the Humane Society had posted a picture of Bartholomew I had never seen before. A picture of my little guy before he entered into my life. I had to mark Bartholomew as "deceased" and enter his date of passing. Man. I was not ready to do that. I was not ready to cut that off and know that my little guy is never coming home. I did it, and got a message: "Sorry for your loss!" 

I had no idea how quickly and heavily that little act would impact me. I'm sitting at my desk at work holding back tears. I just needed to write this in hopes that someone will read it. I can't say these things to the people around me, they are sick of hearing about it. But I need to say it and I need it to be heard. 

I loved my little guy and will forever. Thanks for letting me have a space to write this. 
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Thank you so much for opening your heart and home to a senior canine! Giving them love and shelter for what you know will be a shorter journey than most says a lot about what a beautiful soul you have❣️ You made a difference in his life by enriching his last journey with all the little things that made his soul happy and his tail wag.
I understand how difficult it was to close that account. All the little things seem to have the most profound meaning and scream of loss.
His belongings are in your care and they are all cherished parts of a happy life. With the exception of some medical things I have all of my girls belongings. I wear her ID tag, one day I’ll return it to her. You have a tattooed paw print🐾 they are part of us and death doesn’t break that bond,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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As Lynn stated, it is those little things that make the loss real and final. I am sorry for your loss. What a wonderful person you are to open up your heart to a senior dog knowing that their time with you is short. Bartholomew is forever grateful to you for making his final days on this earth worth living and full of joy and happiness. You are not the only one trying to hold back tears at work, I think I've become a professional at it myself. You can say anything your heart feels here on this forum, you will not be judged, we will not get sick of hearing about it, no one here thinks you should get over it, we all understand because we are going through it ourselves. 
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JR, I agree with Tankie, thank you so much for adopting a senior! I personally don't think i'm strong enough to do that, so I really admire people like you.
I completely understand about having to cancel a subscription. My Rookie was on a prescription medication I was ordering from petmeds. I had to cancel so I wouldn't keep getting the reminders. I still get generic emails from them, and wish I wouldn't, because it just reminds me (not that I could forget though, but i'm sure you understand what I mean) that my Rookie isn't here, and that i'm currently without a dog. Anyway, all that to say I get it, and I'll be thinking about you.
When you're ready, maybe you can share a picture of your boy. 💜
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I am sorry for your loss of Bartholomew and bless you for opening your heart and your home to a senior doggie.  Knowing that it was for a short time, but did it and gave this doggie the love and security that any doggie needs and deserves.  Like everyone else stated "you have a beautiful soul".  I too lost a very special male doggie..... everyone in this forum understand your pain and grief. (((Hugs)))

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So sorry for your loss. But know that although your time with him was short he at least got to know he was loved. Had a warm dry place to sleep and food to eat. He was a happy dog who is forever greatful for the compassion you gave him at an important time of his life.
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