Melissad75
Today I had to make the choice to let me beloved beagle Scottie go. He was diagnosed with a grade 2 heart murmur 2 months ago. Vet didn’t think it was the serious and said have him rechecked in 4 months. He had a cough and symptoms of heart disease so I had him rechecked a month later. Still grade 2 but an ekg was needed to determine future. We scheduled it for the next month since I had to wait until I had enough $. We just relocated to Florida and I had not found a job yet and my husband is disabled. Vet said it was fine no rush it wasn’t anything that alarming. He was acting fine until Monday when he woke me up panting. All he wanted to do was be next to me. After a few hours he settled down but I took him in for an emergency appt. in just 6 weeks his heart murmur went up to a grade 4 ( 6 is the worst) they said let’s do some X-rays of his lungs. While doing that they found he had a large mass on his spleen. There was a 2/3 chance it was cancer. If it wasn’t cancer it would still have to come out and he could live 1-2 years. If it was cancer the survey would give him 1-3 months. And at anytime it could rupture and kill him. Of course we could not afford the surgery. I did some research and reached out to groups who could help. One place donated 500 the next day! And my father opened a care credit account for me to use. I had some hope that I would be at least able to give him a chance and scheduled him for surgery on Monday. Then last night he started panting and could not get comfortable. It lasted a few hours then he was fine. I ran to the market and while I was gone my husband said he peed in the house then started freaking out, whimpering baying like crazy. He lost control of his bowels and urinated all over himself. After a minute he was fine. I rushed him right to the vet. They said his glucose was very low. Sent him home with instructions to give him corn syrup. I was home for only 15 mins and he started to have a seizure. Took him back to vet ( which is up the street) in the waiting room he had another one followed by another 2. The last of which they had a hard time getting him out of. They told me they could do the surgery then but he would be alone all night and there was a chance he would die. The other option was to send him to the er but it would cost 3500. There was no way I could come up with this much $. And he could still not make it especially since he had the heart disease and now the seizures. The thought of him sitting there all night and if he was in pain and died alone I couldn’t take the chance. So I made the heartbreaking choice to him euthanized. They gave him Valium and still he was panting and seemed in distress. I couldn’t stand to see him hurting like that. I sat there stroking his soft beagle ears until I had to leave. This was a few hours ago and I can’t stop crying. I don’t know if I made the right choice. I just want my baby back. The thought that I’ll never see him again or take him for another walk is killing me. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and think he’s still here but he’s not. I know this is a long list and maybe no one will read it but I’d love to hear from people going through the same thing. I feel so alone without him.
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Ginger4256
Oh I'm so sorry for your pain. You've definitely come to the right forum. All of us here are in pain having lost our babies and it helps to be here with people who understand. I lost my 11 and half year old Boo 7 weeks ago. He had congestive heart failure and I didn't know until the day he passed. I won't tell his story on your thread but I can tell you that the only way I have been able to make it so far is because of this forum. Please take care of yourself. You are in just the beginning now but you are not alone. The first weeks are horrible and you will doubt everything thing you did. There will be all of the "but if" and "maybe I should have " feelings. Keep coming here. Everyone here is suffering and gets it.
Sending hugs your way
Boo' s mommy
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Tankie12
You’re not alone and I’m so very sorry for all you and Scottie have gone through and so quickly. I know your pain is overwhelming and harsh. We love our babies so very much and never want them to suffer. Those decisions are the most gut wrenching ones we’ll ever make. The days ahead will have you feeling so much pain, I wish I could tell you differently. The love they give us and the love we feel for them is so incredibly strong that the pain to follow can be no less. This is grief, each of us is at some stage of it and we’ll be here for you, to offer words of comfort. Write as often as you want/need it helps,,,,,be extra kind to you
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Melissad75
Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry for your loss as well. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone and others are going through the same thing.
I’ve been through this with my other 2 dogs and it was incredibly hard. I think because I had other dogs to focus on . Within 2years all 3 of them are gone. I loved all my dogs but me and Scottie had a special bond.
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JennyTeddy
Oh my heart aches for you. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. you came to the right place. Everyone is very understanding, sympathetic, empathetic and supportive here on this forum. I loss my baby Teddy to Congestive Heart Failure 6 weeks ago Sunday May 6, 2018 he passed on his own he was 10 years 8 months. He battled it for 8 months with medications and everything. Majority of the time he did really well but with heart failure they can go unexpectedly at any time. Like Ginger said, I won’t share Teddy’s story in your thread but you’re more than welcome to read our thread and maybe will provide you some comfort. I just want you to know, don’t feel guilty. You were doing everything you could and going off what the Vet was telling you. You trusted their knowledge. That’s all you could of done. When I first took Teddy to the vet I took him to a smaller one in town and he said “oh it’s nothing” and I had this feeling in my gut like nooo something isn’t right so I took him the Emergecy Vet and he saw a Cardiologist (gold bless that man he is an absolute blessing) and that’s when I Teddy got diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. Without that amazing Cardiologist, I don’t know what would of happened. If I didn’t take him to the ER Vet and Met that specific vet who’s a cardiologist (which that man is an absolute blessing to this earth) I don’t know what would of happened I would of never known. So Please know that you did everything you could and you were doing they best you could. Be gentle with yourself, your baby knows you did your best. It’s so painful losing our babies. It’s been 6 weeks and I still cry as if it happened yesterday. Sending you warm hugs and comfort your way. You’re in my thoughts.

💕💛
If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

  
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Melissad75
Thank you for your kind words. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone and there are people that get what I’m going through. My family feels bad but they don’t Truly understand what I’m going through. Last night was a tough one.
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