buddygrams
My cat just died this morning, and it is tearing me up.  Buddy was only 15 years old and very healthy until just 2 months ago.  This cat has criss-crossed this country moving with me to multiple states as I have relocated for work over the years.  He was the best cat I ever had the pleasure to be acquainted. The only thing Buddy wanted to do all day long, is hang out with you, just chill on the couch, snugged right up to you.  He even told you when it was bed time.  He had many great qualities.  He has always been a husky cat at 15 plus pounds, but recently he lost his appetite and went down to 9 pounds.  I kept taking him to vet (the vet couldn't figure out what was wrong with Buddy) and we were scheduled to go in today for a different treatment, but it was too late.  Buddy was still interested in the wet canned food, and so everyday for the last 2 weeks I've been feeding him wet food and cat treats that he still loved.  He would eat the treats but many simply crumbed up and fell out of his mouth.  He would eat about 20% of a can of food.  It appeared that he was putting on some weight, and I was pampering him, grooming him, picking him up to put on the bed, and picking him up to let him down during feeding and litterbox times.  It's been a pain these last 2 weeks for me, but now I feel like I could have done more.  Today, at about 10:15am, I got up to use the bathroom.  I was surprised that Buddy jumped down from the bed himself.  He was eating the dry food and drinking water.  My wife and I were surprised and said as much to each other.  Normally I would have been spending quality time with Buddy at this time in the morning, because I would have had to pick him up and put out some canned food for him, then carried him to the litterbox and let him do his business.  Then I would have put him back in bed and pet and pampered him and maybe took a late morning nap with him (i work evenings). The last two weeks, Buddy seemed to be having a little bit of incontinence problems, it was more of a seepage thing, but nothing I was not willing to deal with, he would kinda leave a mark when he would be laying a certain way. He lacked the energy to groom himself as well.  To help him out I've been bathing him once a week and using a wet warm cloth daily to groom him, and he didn't mind it, and he loved being hand dried and combed out afterwards.  But because Buddy seemed more mobile today, I decided to let him do his thing.  I laid back down and dozed off, and my wife went to take a shower.  After she was done showering and dressed, she started looking for Buddy, and she found him on my side of the bed, on the floor, with his two front legs stretched up to the top of the bed, his back side on the floor, so his body was stretched out.  She screamed, "WHY IS BUDDY HANGING OFF THE SIDE OF THE BED?"  I woke immediately and looked over to see his two paws, while saying, "well pick him up".  She picked him up immediately and exclaimed, "HE'S DEAD!"  Then she started balling her eyes out, as Buddy lay stiff on the bed.  I immediately picked him up in my arms to hold him.  I could still feel a little bit of heat, but his body was already rapidly feeling cold, and stiff.  His two front arms were stretched out and could not be manipulated.  I was dumbfounded because I had just seen this cat 45 minutes ago.  I felt such shame, because this cat was so close to me, I should have heard him attempt to get on the bed.  Needless to say we were both devastated and we are having Buddy cremated and we are getting his ashes back.  I just wish I would have heard Buddy in the apparently failed jump attempt onto the bed.  I could have picked him up and held him in my arms as he died.  All day long I wish I could have been there for him in those last 45 minutes.  I wish he would have made a mowing sound, but there was nothing. I'm glad I did everything I did in these last two weeks for Buddy.  I really believe that even if he was experiencing pain, he was also experiencing the joys of being loved, because he was purring constantly.  I have pain everyday of my life, I have to walk with a cane, and I'm going blind, but I certainly don't want to be "put down".  For anybody else going through this, I believe that if you know your pet is still able to be happy, even if there is some pain and some discomfort, then please do everything you can to maximize that happiness.  Buddy was there for me for 15 years, I was glad to go that extra mile to help him out at the end of his times. I still feel like crying everytime I think about it though.  Even hours later at work, every time I start talking about what happened, I find myself getting choked up.  After holding Buddy and caressing  him for about 15 or 20 minutes, I lay him down on the bed and wrapped his body (except his head) in a towel, then I put the towel bundle in a white pillow case with his head sticking out.  This is the last picture I took of my beloved, important and valuable family member, Buddy Bear.  Life will not be the same without you Buddy. RIP shane phone 298 (600x800).jpg
Life is too short.
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Bellamum
I am so sorry that you have had to say goodbye to your dear, sweet little Buddy.  He is so beautiful.  I know the overwhelming heartache that you are feeling right now.  It is a pain that we can never prepare ourselves for.  We grieve so hard because we love them so deeply.

I can also relate to all of your guilty thoughts.....I think everyone on this forum has gone through the guilty feelings for various reasons.  We seem to be able to torture ourselves with everything that we did wrong.  Now, 6 months after I had to say goodbye to my precious Bella, I am able to see all of the things that I did right for her.  I hope that soon you too, will be able to see what a good dad you were to Buddy.
 
In my most distressed times, when I am reliving my Bella's final couple of days I remind myself that her life is not measured by those final moments and they are not the moments that I should focus on remembering.  Her life should be remembered by the many, many, many moments of love, laughter and companionship that we shared.  That is the same for you and your beautiful Buddy.

We have been so blessed to have been chosen to be their family and we know it.  That is why this is so hard to cope with.  I hope that soon you can remember Buddy with more smiles than tears.
I wish you peace and healing.
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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buddygrams
Thank you for those kind words. I do need to remember all the good times, because with him there wasn't really any bad momements except those last 45 minutes.
Life is too short.
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Charliesmommy
I'm so sorry about Buddy.  What a sweet handsome cat.

My Charlie was 15 1/2 when I had to say goodbye and the "what ifs", "why didn't I", and "how could I have not noticed" can really do me in sometimes.  I think Bellamum is right in that the guilt seems to be part of the grieving process.  As time slowly goes by, I am trying to curb some of those thoughts and replace them with positive ones of how much time I spent with him, how many times a day I told him I loved him, picked him up, snuggled, etc...

Just try to keep in mind that you gave your Buddy what he needed when he needed it and so much more than that.  You shared love and a great bond.  If you want to talk about Buddy or to Buddy, this forum is a great place to come where a lot of understanding people visit.

hugs,
Tammy
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Jimbo106
Sounds like Buddy had a great life with a very loving family! My girl left me at 15 also...and not a day goes by that I don't think about the wonderful years we shared.

Blessings to you and your family.

Jim
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BigWigsMom77
I am very sorry for your loss.
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buddygrams
Thank you Tammy & Jim for those inspiring words.  Tammy I'm sorry for your loss of Charlie, and Jim I feel for your loss of Jamie.  I've been raised around cats my whole life, and never had a cat like Buddy.  When we traveled, Buddy never needed to be put in a cage, he was so calm and trusting.  That eye contact, those little cat blurps throughout the day to tell me something specific.  Buddy was a cat and did cat things, however; that being said, Buddy did a lot of "human" things.  As JIm has said about Jamie, Buddy was wherever I was, including walking into the shower.  I think that with Buddy, it was the first time I experienced true deep loving affection.  Buddy didn't care if I was screwing up my life by making poor choices in my work or personal life, he just loved me for who I was.  

If it was past 11 PM, Buddy would come into the living room and start to walk towards the bedroom.  Then he would stop, turn his head around and give me a little half meow.  If I didn't respond he would move 3 or 4 feet forward and repeat, and repeat.  It was his way of saying, "Hey, it's bed time", and he was right.  For years he would make sure to wake me up at 6:00am on the dot, I didn't even need an alarm clock with that cat.

Tonight when I got home from work, I came into the room and instinctively started looking for Buddy, I wanted to pick him up and give him a nose to nose head butt, which was his way of saying, "I'm glad to see you".  But there was no Buddy to be found.  It's really starting to sink in that I will not just "get over" Buddy's demise.  I will miss this special little boy forever.
Life is too short.
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heartsick

 

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet precious Buddy.

The beginning raw searing pain of new grief is just awful.

They take a piece of us when they go,

But they leave a piece of them with us also.

Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.

I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.

Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -

LOVE NEVER DIES.

The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.

Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.

LOVE NEVER DIES.

When we grieve for those we love it is because we do not quite know how to live without them. We breathe because we have no choice but the living part takes a huge amount of learning and time.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

Please come back and tell us more about your life with your beautiful baby so we can get to know him better through you.

We are all in this together and all walking the same roller coaster path of grief together -

some a bit ahead of you, some by your side, and some will come behind for you to help along.

If you read the beginning of any one of our threads you will see yourself. I, literally, walked in circles wringing my hands. My chest constantly hurt as I was unknowingly holding my breath.

You Are In My Thoughts.                                       

Susan(heartsick)

 

In one of the stars, I shall be living.

In one of them, I shall be laughing.

And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.

~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

  GRIEF - NOT A STRAIGHT ROAD.jpg 




GRIEF - ROSES ALWAYS IN YOUR HEART.jpg 
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