Padfoot
On December 7th, I lost my beautiful tortie, Lily. She was 19 and 4 months. I’ve had her since she was very very tiny, 4.5 weeks old. She battled IBD for many years - her vet is the best, the first vet that saw her said it was lymphoma and she was dying. That was seven years ago. She also had pretty severe arthritis, and in the last few months her IBD was no longer well controlled. The week before I took her, she had been walking very squatted - too painful. I have arthritis in my back, it’s awful. When we went in it was for her biweekly b-12 injections, but in the exam and discussion of her state, we felt the kindest thing we could do was ease her journey. She left this plane swiftly and gently and although I know I will see her again, it could be awhile and a huge hole is left in my life. I had her nearly half my life.

Two days later, I lost my handsome Fawkes. My grey and white tuxie. He was hospitalized aince that Monday - pancreatitis, his diabetes suddenly out of control, over what the test could even read which is almost 700, WBC insanely high, RBC low, kidney values bad. I visited him every day, an hour away. I visited with him after letting Lily go. He seemed to be on the upswing, blood tests improving, and we were hopeful we would be able to bring him home in a day or two. But overnight he started crashing and on the 9th, just two days after losing my princess, we lost him too. It’s been a crappy Christmas season for us, I’m so lost and my heart is so crushed, basic functioning is hard. While looking for a few decorations to put out, I came upon their stockings. I sat in my attic and cried for over an hour. I had to leave them packed away, I put up no stockings at all. Walking into my living room and seeing them everyday...it’s too fresh. I had time to accept that Lily’s time was coming near. That didn’t make it any easier, not by a long shot.. But Fawkes completely blindsided us and has devastated me. I’m trying to keep my spirits up but it’s so hard. And I’m so angry. I’m angry at God for taking both of them, at the same time, Fawkes was only 13. I don’t even know if it’s ok to be mad at God for this, but I am. I’m completely lost....
Quote 1 0
jimmy17
Hi, firstly I`m so very sorry for both of your losses.   To lose Lily and Fawkes within such a short space of time is devastating, and so close to Christmas too - 2 years ago we lost our little dog Jim on 13th December, and it was so hard trying to put a brave face on and get through all the festivities when all I really wanted was to lock myself away until Christmas was over.      I can understand you feeling angry at God too, when we are so heartbroken we can feel like we need to blame someone for letting it happen.... and its perfectly okay to feel like this.  Right now your grief is still so very new and raw - trying to adjust to life without our special little ones is tough, and takes time - sometimes it can feel like "2 steps forward and 1 step back".     Once again, I am so sorry, Lily and Fawkes are such beautiful cats - sending you peace and hugs,

                                                                                 Jackie. x
J Taylor
Quote 0 0
Padfoot
Thank you so much for your kindness and caring Jackie. I totally know what you mean with “two steps forward one step back”. I have 8 other cats and feeding time has always been a process. I have one on urinary food, Fawkes was on diabetes management food, Lily had certain supplements mixed in, and the others ate the same thing. I still find myself taking out the usual number of bowls and I have to step back and think ok I have two too many. I’ve called Angel Lily so many times. And Fawkes was nicknamed Schmoo. Simon is Shmoopy - which I can’t call him anymore because I think of Fawkes and start crying. I know it will get easier over time, but you’re so right about the right before Christmas part. I got through it but a lot of it was going through the motions. I had to work that day so that helped me keep my mind busy for four hours. Working Christmas - I do tech support from home and we are 24/7/365. It’s the habitual things that aren’t there anymore. Just every day has its own difficulties.
Quote 1 0
jimmy17
Hi Shelli, thank you for your very kind reply on Jim`s thread, and reading your post above reminds me of many years ago and I was still living at home with mum and dad when we had 6 cats, plus dog, hamster and goldfish.   One of my tasks was feeding the kitties, two were on a special diet and it was so hard making sure they all got the correct food, but I loved those cats so much, most days I`d find 2 or 3 of them following me to school!               It will get easier for you as time moves forward, but it is all the little things that we did without really thinking that we seem to miss the most - Jim was on medication and it was often a nightmare trying to get him to take his pills,  but how I missed doing that for him afterwards....

  Someone here wisely told me that grief is the price we have to pay for loving them so much - and I found that to be so true, but try and remember that both Lily and Fawkes would want to thank you for giving them such a good and happy life, full of love and care - and that is really all our animals ask of us.   Take care,

                                                                                                 Jackie. x
J Taylor
Quote 0 0