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littleguy
MySweetSammie

my heart is with you in this time as I know how you feel after one has passed we just worry and watch anything out of the normal with the babies that are still here as I just had my cade at the vet yesterday as I'm so scared about him now as he is an old dog for his breed and it was his younger brother that passed and I'm a worrier anyways. and I know you cannot take another loss right now as your heart or body still hasn't healed over you sweet sammie and I will pray very hard for your belle for her to be healthy. also as far as the professional help I did seek that after my littleguy passed as I really felt like I just wanted to die to be with him  as it had been a very trying year and I was just tired with this so called life and that just sent me over the edge and what I found with that is that they can give you medication to make you sleep or partially forget for a short time  but when it wears off everything is still the same  and also someone to talk to but in that sense you have people on this forum that understand so much better as they have been in your shoes and loved their babies as much as you loved yours ,please just try to hang in there as much as you can and I will light an extra candle in my prayers for you and your belle.


littleguys mom        
pamela meadows
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MySweetSammie
Thank you G and little guys mom. Your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated. The night was rough. Belle wouldn't eat, couldn't stand, and hearing her whine and groan all night was heartbreaking. She wasn't better this morning and her eyes were dialated, her head was wobbly, and her eyes were flickering quickly. They told me to bring her in to be admitted. The full blood work up
came up normal. She's been admitted since this morning and I'm a wreck. Because of the new symptom of the head tilt/wobble and her eyes, they think it may be vestibular syndrome. I'm hoping that is the answer because it should then get better in a few days, but the worse case scenario with those symptoms is a brain tumor. Thinking that she will be alone tonight and scared, is killing me. Thinking that something may turn for the worst and I won't be there for her would be too much to handle. I know she has to be there for the IV's, but I'm terrified of getting the call that she may pass without me. I held Sammie's little box and asked him to be with his sissy tonight so she would not be alone, to comfort her, and protect her for me. It's just Jake & I here now in the house and I'm not ready for this to be the new normal. I keep praying and begging God not to take Belle right now too. I was just in this same spot a few weeks ago and I just hope and pray that Belle can get better and come home. I can't do this again. My blood pressure was 157/99 last night with a 105 heart rate. My mom was afraid of those numbers, but I can't just shut off my fear. I can't think, can't sleep, can't eat, throwing up from the nerves. Please continue to pray for my Belle, I can't do another loss.
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Miss_my_pug
I hope Belle feels better! So sorry you have to go through this. Please let us know how she is doing! Take care sweetsammie. Sending positive thoughts your way.
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summerwind4
I pray for you to have a happy ending.........I know what you are feeling.
Please accept all the hugs i can transmit your way..........
Zoey you will always be in Daddies heart
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littleguy
wishing and praying so hard for you

littleguys mom
pamela meadows
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MySweetSammie
Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and virtual hugs. You have no idea how much it means to me. Belle is still admitted. Not having her home is so hard. Other then the work day when she is with my mom, we are never apart. I don't even remember the last time we spent a full night apart. It's been several years at least. I'm so used to checking on her all night, helping her on the stairs, medication routine twice a day, drop off/pick up each day before and after work, I have no purpose right now. I can't bring myself to do anything, but sit and hold my phone in case they call with an update. Every time the phone rings, my heart leaps out of my chest. She is still weak, leaning to one side, having trouble standing. They have her on meds to calm her stomach, meds to calm her anxiety, antibiotic, anti inflammatory, and now predisone. I keep praying for a recovery and that this is vestibular syndrome that she can recover from. I'm a mess, I keep praying, and keep asking Sammie to comfort his sister and be with her. This house just keeps getting more empty with Sammie's passing and now Belle being away. I'm not ready for this. Please Lord watch over my Belle and make her well. Please let us have more time together and let her come home.
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MySweetSammie
My sweet baby boy,

I haven't been able to bring myself to come here in a while, but I was looking through photos tonight and can't stop crying. I miss you every second of every day. It still doesn't feel real that you are gone, yet it feels like forever since I felt you sleeping safely in my arms, listening to your sweet peaceful purr. It is snowing like crazy here today and we are just having a pj day, but I feel you missing. I always loved lazy Sunday's with my 3 babies. Looking around and seeing all 3 of my babies safely, peacefully, snoring away around me always brought me such comfort, joy, & a smile. I've started to see traits of yours coming out in your brother, but I worry about whether he is lonely during the day without you here to keep him company and watch over him. Sometimes when he lays on my chest at night and stares straight into my eyes, I feel like I see you in there. I miss you so much my sweet Sammie. I will love you always, miss you forever, and forget you never. Mommy loves you and I hope you are happy. All my love, mommy
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MySweetSammie
My sweet baby boy,
It's been a rough day and I can't sleep. Today I went to the pet store to get sister some cookies and stopped to give some love to the kitties waiting to find their perfect home. One of them looked so much like you and when he opened his eyes and stretched, I felt like you were staring at me again. His eyes matched yours and it broke me. It took everything I had in me to keep it together and get out of there. I still cry for you everyday and miss you so much. It still doesn't seem real that you are gone and I don't understand how it went so terribly wrong so suddenly. Tonight I am overwhelmed with pain, emptiness, guilt, and sadness. I feel guilty everyday that I couldn't save you, that you only got 8 short years. It's so unfair. The pain feels like it was yesterday, but it feels like an eternity since I held you in my arms and feel asleep to your night night motor purring in my ear. 8.5 months and it still feels like an unbelievable bad dream. I see your picture staring back at me and I want so badly to have you here again. I love you and miss you every second of everyday. Life will never be the same. I hope you know how much I love you and that you can forgive me. I love you my sweet Sammie. ❤️
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nina555
MySweetSammie...I am so glad you found this site......you are in the raw stage of grief...the word 'excruciating' is how I describe it....it hurts so bad you think it will split your heart open ...and in some ways you wish it would take you.    I am 5 days into having lost my darling doggy Cody, after a traumatic death which I witnessed (dog attack) and that horrible guilt and questionning....and the unbearable realisation they have gone, everytime you wake up, and every moment of the day.    I also am now wishing I couldve patted him more, I couldve given him more....but everyone says he was spoilt rotten and I was the best Mum....I think in some ways our darlings become part of who we are....they are such a part of our souls....I know most of my joy came from Cody....you will experience so many roller coaster of emotions...I seem to be in a numb stage...hardly feeling a thing....no waves of terrible grief ripping my soul.....but just a quiet sadness and emptiness..and just not wanting to engage with the world....keep reaching out...I also spoke with a pet loss grief counsellor two days after his passing...and it helped so much....I didn't feel better.....but I gave myself permission to grieve...and he told me everything I was going through and feeling was normal (even wanting to end my life because I thought Cody needed me)....be gentle on yourself...get lots of love from your furbabies..they will be feeling your pain and wanting to help.....and keep reaching out.....it will get easier..there will be many more emotions ...I am finding now that if I havent thought about Cody for a minute, I feel guilty and worried that I am forgetting him and mustnt have loved him much)...so just know that everything you are feeling and will feel is normal...and we all understand.
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summerwind4
hi MySweetSammie,

Been awhile since i have been here and talked with you. I know you hurt so much and why. We both came here within about a month of each other and I'm glad to hear that Belle is still in need of cookies :)).
You are still as broken about the loss as i am about my little girl. I go online to look at Chihuahua puppies because i guess i just want to see what is out there, but soon come across 1 every now and then that is the spitting image of Zoey............I break down like a little boy all over again. My wife says i just like to torture myself. It's been 10 months and like you, every moment that my mind is not on work is spent thinking of her. My doctor has doubled the dosage for the medication she put me on, and says the average grieving for the loss of a human relative can take up to a year to get over. She said that pets however are different obviously and there is no average.
You and I will never get over the loss i'm afraid.
Somehow thru our connection i can see your baby in my mind and know just how this felt for you too. I hope you get past the experience in a few days, and i hope Belle is doing well as well...................all my love,
-michael
Zoey you will always be in Daddies heart
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Ratcliffe
MySweetSammie wrote:
My sweet baby boy,
It's been a rough day and I can't sleep. Today I went to the pet store to get sister some cookies and stopped to give some love to the kitties waiting to find their perfect home. One of them looked so much like you and when he opened his eyes and stretched, I felt like you were staring at me again. His eyes matched yours and it broke me. It took everything I had in me to keep it together and get out of there. I still cry for you everyday and miss you so much. It still doesn't seem real that you are gone and I don't understand how it went so terribly wrong so suddenly. Tonight I am overwhelmed with pain, emptiness, guilt, and sadness. I feel guilty everyday that I couldn't save you, that you only got 8 short years. It's so unfair. The pain feels like it was yesterday, but it feels like an eternity since I held you in my arms and feel asleep to your night night motor purring in my ear. 8.5 months and it still feels like an unbelievable bad dream. I see your picture staring back at me and I want so badly to have you here again. I love you and miss you every second of everyday. Life will never be the same. I hope you know how much I love you and that you can forgive me. I love you my sweet Sammie. ❤️

Such a beautiful letter for Sammy. it made me cry remembering my own cat who passed away. I thought of him this morning as I passed next to the steps he used to stand waiting for me as I returned from work. Just them I saw this message from you to your baby. Surely feel your pain. Love is eternal, you will always be together. 🕊🕊
Andreia
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MySweetSammie
hi MySweetSammie,

Been awhile since i have been here and talked with you. I know you hurt so much and why. We both came here within about a month of each other and I'm glad to hear that Belle is still in need of cookies :)).
You are still as broken about the loss as i am about my little girl. I go online to look at Chihuahua puppies because i guess i just want to see what is out there, but soon come across 1 every now and then that is the spitting image of Zoey............I break down like a little boy all over again. My wife says i just like to torture myself. It's been 10 months and like you, every moment that my mind is not on work is spent thinking of her. My doctor has doubled the dosage for the medication she put me on, and says the average grieving for the loss of a human relative can take up to a year to get over. She said that pets however are different obviously and there is no average.
You and I will never get over the loss i'm afraid.
Somehow thru our connection i can see your baby in my mind and know just how this felt for you too. I hope you get past the experience in a few days, and i hope Belle is doing well as well...................all my love,
-michael[/QUOTE

Hi Michael,

Yes, it has been a while. I am so sorry to hear that you are not doing well. I've known other pets that I've cared about who have passed away that belonged to others, but Sammie was the first loss of my own, the first loss of a sweet baby that held my heart, and the first time I had to make the decision. I knew it would be hard when the day came that any of my babies had to leave, but I could never have imagined just how hard and how long the grief would keep such a strong hold. I know how much you love Zoey, I can feel it so, I know your little girl knew how much she was loved. I often think losing them is harder then a human because with a human loved one, they can tell us they love us back, they can confirm that they know how much we love them, and if we are lucky we get to say goodbye & hear them tell us it's ok. I just hope that my Sammie knew/knows how much I love him, that he was glad I was his mom, and I hope I gave him a happy life. Makes me sad that nobody new will ever get to meet him and see how sweet, funny, and unique he was. That kid was one of a kind.

Thank you for your well wishes for Belle. She is doing good. Her recovery was slow and long, but I am so grateful that she is still here with me. She has a few permanent quirks from the vestibular syndrome, but nothing that affects her quality of life. Her arthritis gives her trouble, but she has way more good days then bad. Her meds help and she still has light and love in her eyes. She is still holding a grudge about her week long hospital stay, major separation anxiety. We celebrated her 14th birthday in February & I am thankful for everyday I have with her.

Take care of yourself, lean on your wife, and know that you are not alone. Love, prayers, and hugs.
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