apatti

On October 4th 2019, I had to put the love of my life, my furry soul mate, my  hairy baby, to sleep. He was only 4. His name was Bob. He was my first cat. It was out of the blue and it destroyed me. I am not the same person anymore.

For the past 9 months I’ve been dealing with insurmountable amounts of pain, anger, and sadness. The question that plagues me is did I make the right decision? Everyone in my family, my husband, the emergency vet, said I did what was best for Bob. They told me he was in pain, they told me he might not make it though the emergency surgery anyway. I couldn’t let him suffer just because I needed him. I couldn’t risk him dying with strangers around him. So I held him and kissed his furry nose and let them take his pain and I live with it every single day.

All I think about is what more could I have done? Why couldn’t I save him? I would have given half my life to save his. I was willing to go bankrupt to save him. My husband says I have to let go of the regret because it’s tearing me apart. I’m trying, but I don’t know how my heart will ever recover from this. 

 

Quote 0 0
Memories_of_Marmalade
Dear Apatti,

I am very sorry to learn of your loss of your beloved "Bob." What a wonderful and unique name for a cat. It makes me smile thinking about your cat's name. It is so easy to see the great love you had for your boy in every one of your words that you wrote.

One important thing we have learned here on the Rainbows Bridge forum is we are going to endlessly second guess our decisions no matter what they were. It appears to be some kind of penance we force ourselves to try and pay. Or it involves our minds trying to overanalyze the traumatic events we have experienced in losing our beloved's and then trying to make sense of what happened and how to best change the ultimate outcome. Which as we know is simply impossible. What happened happened. We did the best that we could at the time and are often surrounded by circumstances that are out of control.

Whether we continue medical treatment, which can cause great stress, anxiety, worry, anguish, pain and discomfort to our pets, whether we don't continue treatment and allow them to pass naturally when their time comes, whether we apply a combination of hospice (treatment and natural death), or whether we put them to sleep, we are going to regret our choices. We see this time and time again here on the forum. No matter what we do? What choice we make? we are going to have to cope with our guilt, regret and remorse as it is a part the grieving process.

If the deep level of your grief is the high level of the love you felt for "Bob"? just imagine how he felt being loved so greatly by you? You made him feel loved, adored, cherished, important, special, needed and part of your family. He mattered. All cats should be so blessed.

All we can do is continue to travel through time and continue to heal. Which is a natural process. It takes time. But our minds and our bodies DO heal if we allow them to. It's our birthright.

We are with you in comradeship and "Bob" is with you in spirit. Always.

Kind regards and my sincerest condolences,
James 
Quote 1 0