I had to say goodbye to my sweet 18 year old cat Bella today. It doesn't feel like there will be another sunny day again, and I'm finding myself lost in thoughts of how life just keeps getting harder with more and more loss.
A little over a year ago I was told I needed to put her down when she was diagnosed with ckd, but with help from the tanyackd group and hours and hours of research, we pushed through and her kidney numbers looked very good up until the end. Several months ago she was diagnosed with scc under her tongue and again I was told I needed to put her down. How can one little cat go through so much. We kept fighting, and I know she hung on as long as she could. I know she fought to stay with me at least as hard as I fought to keep her here. This hurts so much it's hard to breathe. She couldn't stand up this morning and it had been a few days since she had eaten anything substantial, so I knew it was time. I couldn't stand to watch her suffering so much. We spent the morning laying in the grass and I got to thank her and say everything I wanted before our appointment. I buried her under my favorite snowball bush in the backyard with some of her favorite toys. I had her for 17 years, since I moved into my first apartment in college. I don't really know how to be without her. It doesn't feel like I'll be ok again. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this, maybe writing it out is part of the healing process.
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I`m so sorry, both yourself and Bella fought so hard, and I know how much you are hurting right now. The last day is truly awful, but for her to reach the age of 18 is testament to the love and care you gave Bella - and I know that sounds so trivial right now, but it is true.  Its so hard to see our little ones suffer, and you gave Bella the last gift of love by taking away her pain. Living without our precious little ones is so very hard, but you will get through this - although you won`t think it possible just now.  I lost my beautiful old dog Jim 10 months ago, and I just couldn`t imagine life without him - but time has a way of healing, and you will be able to look back at much happier times.  But just now, you are grieving, and it takes time coming to terms with your loss - just know that you gave Bella 17 years of love and care, she would thank you so much for that. Take care.7
                                                         Hugs, Jackie
J Taylor
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How wonderful to have had 17 years with your beloved Bella.  Take comfort from the fact that you had a lovely life together and that you were able to say goodbye and tell her you loved her.  You did everything you possibly could and didn't let her suffer at the end.  It does get easier, not much, but little by little the pain is not so raw and you will remember the happy times you had and be able to talk to other people about her.  Give yourself all the time you need.
Forever in my heart.
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so sorry for the loss of your beautiful bella  and like you I lost my beautiful littleguy 5 weeks ago today and I feel exactly like you do in your above post and I still cry everyday over him not being here and I might cry forever I just don't know but somehow in the long run I think the tears will be over the good memories and not his passing and I also  am greatful for this forum as I come on it daily just to talk to him as I feel its my way of talking to him and some how typing it out seems better for me,  may you find peace and comfort in time

littleguys mom  
pamela meadows
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Dear Jennifer:

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Bella, what a beautiful kitty she is.  While it is very hard to imagine now, because the grief and loss is so raw, there will come a time when the grief and loss will in part be replaced in your heart by the happy memories of Bella and of the love and joy you gave each other.

It is almost 6 weeks since I lost my baby Mia and while I grieve and cry still everyday, I do now have times of peace and comfort remembering all she brought to my life. Like you, I was able to have time to say goodbye to Mia which I am grateful for.  

Mia was a little cat with a big soul like Bella and like Bella she fought to stay.  For 3 months I knew that her inoperable conditions could take her and her quality of life could diminish at anytime.  Despite what my head knew, my heart thought that our love would overcome her illness, but it was not meant to be.  

This forum is a good place to visit.  There are people here who have been through their own losses and understand and can support you.  We all have to find our own way through grief;  we have to walk through grief, we cannot walk around it.  I find it helpful when the loss of Mia overwhelms me to stop, sit, breathe, visualize Mia and her love and move that picture into my heart and hold it there.  I try to be grateful for what I have and accept what is.  I also find writing helpful, I write a letter everyday to Mia.

Be kind and gentle with yourself, my thoughts and prayers are with you.  Cynthia. 

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Love to you and sorry for your loss. Just like you, my kitty joined me in college and she was with me for almost 21 years. She passed on Thursday. I feel for you because Bella was there for everything as was my CapCap.
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