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hi AnneBeni, Jeanneh314, Duffypalm (Mike)

i know the pain is excruciating and unreal. it has been about 24 weeks for me too. i feel so sad we all have to go through this, and i know you are right Mike the grief will always be a part of us all our lives and i wouldnt have it any other way.
my family and neighbors have been very cruel with their words lately. my uncle asked me "so how many dogs you got now" i knew what was coming and i should've just said nothing but i told him 3 and he said "thats two too many" and i said "thats ten too little" and he said " youre crazy, you have to think of your self first" Now who in his right friggin mind would tell a mother "oh you have two children too many" or "your crazy for wanting more children" or the most stupid comment of all to a mother "you have to think of your self first before you think of your children" if any mother did that everybody would condemn her for being a bad mother. but here is this idiot telling me, a mother of 3 of the most precious children " you are bad for putting your children first and not yourself." this idiot would never have said that to mother of human children. so it is the most enraging stupidity to say it to me, a mother, certainly no less a mother because my children are adopted. who would say that to any mother who has adopted human children. what is the difference. there is no difference. all my children come first way before i think of myself and this is the way it always will be. because as a mother when my children are doing well i am doing well. if they are not no matter how so called "good" i am doing i will be so distressed and i wont be able to stand it until they are doing well.

there is a beautiful horse i am caring for who actually so called "belongs" to the neighbor but who does not care for this horse at all. the other day her eye got so infected she was in horrible pain. i tried to contact this so called "owner" but of course they were no where to be found. so i immediately went to the vet and got some medicine for her and she started to do better. now this "owner"'s mother in law, whom i left so many messages for about the horse and even went to her begging her to look at the horse because this lady claims she is an animal communicator and cares for animals. she told me to come and get her in the evening to see the horse. when i got there she made some excuse to why she didn't want to go even though she only lives 20 seconds walk from the horse. the next day she comes to me and says some thing so damn cruel, she says "you can't be buying medicine for someone else's horse, she probably had the medicine already" i wanted to say to her, "well then you dumb b     , why didnt you go and look at the horse. when would your dumbass have gotten the medicine for her. when? days, weeks, never? the gall of this dumb idiot to tell me "you cant be buying medicine for another persons animal" I WILL ALWAYS BUY MEDICINE, FOOD OR WHATEVER FOR ANY ANIMAL IN NEED REGARDLESS OF WHO IT "BELONGS" TO AND WILL ALWAYS DO EVERYTHING TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF MY POWER TO MAKE THE ANIMALS FEEL BETTER. i would never let an animal suffer because some idiot who supposedly "ownes" the animal refuses to help this animal.

ALL ANIMALS ARE EVERYBODY'S RESPONSIBILITY. ALL ANIMALS HAPPINESS AND WELLBEING ARE EVERYBODY'S RESPONSIBILITY. and i take this very seriously because every animal is my family and always i take care of my family first ALWAYS before i take care of my self.

every time this lady opens her stupid mouth she says the most stupid things and unfortunatly she is the landlady so i have to see the dumb b     , alot. she never thanked me for helping the horse, never said it was so kind of you to help when no one was around. only critisim and condemnation especially since she would never have helped the horse herself and absolutely no gratitude, only incendiary judgements. i would leave but i know if i do the many animals here would not get the care they need. she claims to be some shaman, and animal communicator. believe me i know this woman and she is neither, she is a charlatan and a quack.

i feel very betrayed by these people, very hurt by their cruel, insensitive and self righteous, condescending and very very very wrong wrong wrong judgements, beliefs and comments and ideas and notions of me. i feel pummelled down, especially because i am dealing with so so so much grief that just getting up in the morning is the hardest thing to do. i avoid this dumb b    , like the plague but she comes to find me. Ugh!! and she always says the most hurtful and wrong judgements of me. i can't stand her.
i cant stand her!!!

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JJ, I am sorry people felt they needed to tell you how to be feeling and give you a timetable of grieving.  Mourning is a personal thing, there is no right or wrong.  Someone who grieves deeply isn't "unwell" and someone who seems to cope very well doesn't mean they aren't hurting.  Respect is to be given for each individual and their experience.   Try to avoid places or people that aren't giving you that respect and find your support in places you feel are safe and helpful.
My thoughts are with you~
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hi Lish
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words, its here at this forum people understand each other and ourselves so much.

i am missing my Beauty so badly and painfully. its been 6 months and i still cant believe she has physically left me. i still turn to see her all the time assuming without thinking that she is there. i know her spirit is with me all the time but without her physically i feel so... hard to describe. you know, everybody here knows...

very very very very sad and incredibly missing my precious and beloved Beauty

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hi, JJ - so sorry to hear what you're going through!  People can say the most insensitive things.  I hear at least once a day that I should go out and get another cat - while some people mean well, its not like a material object that can easily be replaced.  I don't think it would even be fair to the other cat right now while I'm still grieving.  When Sammy needed surgery years ago, I had coworkers trying to talk me out of it - saying the cost of the surgery was enough to adopt 10 young cats and cover their upkeep for years.  But my responsibility was to Sammy - and he had another great 4 years afterwards! 

Your poor neighbor's horse - they should be thankful you're helping out!  I have a horse as well and appreciate any help from friends/staff at the stables - they're a lot of responsbility and I can't be there every day.  So many suffer from neglect - I hate even browsing craigslist, so many with ribs showing and dull coats.

Its so hard letting them go - almost a month now without Sammy and I still recount those last days over and over nonstop.  I find myself looking for him in all his usual spots, yet am sad as well thinking of the day when it will seem perfectly normal that he's not around.  He was there for what were probably the 17 most formative years of my life, starting when he found me in college.  Losing him is like closing the chapter on an entire era of my life, and so sad he won't be there for the next.
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Oh I cannot believe the co-workers said those things to you! Oh my goodness! Our responsibility is to the one we have with us at the time. That is  our shared destiny, between us and that creature. The needs and rights of the individual are incredibly important. It is how we live, and treat a Soul in our care that counts. My heart goes out to you that you did what was right and looked after your girl. As I would have done for mine.

Years ago, when Misty first came to me, I had very very little money, and had some charitable assistance to help me with vets bills. Misty needed investigation of a small breast lump. The lady vet said at the time that if it turned out to be cancer, it "would not be a very good use of charitable money" for her to have surgery. I was the angriest I have ever been at that moment, and when I am angry I am ice cold. I cut her down with a one-liner.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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2jeanneh314, and Mistysmama
such beautiful words you write, and so amazingly clearly describing our duties as humans on this poor Earth, so brutally bludgeoned by human hands. people say, "what is my purpose in life". i shake my head. i think what do you mean you don't know.  our collective and individual purpose in life is to get on our hands and knees and with unadulterated humility ask our precious Earth how can we serve Her precious children (and i'm not talking humans), the animals, trees, plants, rocks, oceans, mountains, forests... how sad to read of the craig list photos of horses. i feel like screaming... how did humans get so retarded.
Mistysmama, i'm so glad you told that damn vet off, you go girl, we need more people to tell insensitive as.h.l.s that their stupid comments are not tolerated.
Jeanne, i hope you also told those people who tried to tell you not to get Sammy's surgery a piece of your mind. how cruel to say that to you. makes me so mad. this is your child for goodness sake. would they have said that to you if this was a human child, i don't think so. this  world is so jam packed full of people like them, you can't escape running into them. i just yelled at a lady the other day.  i just cannot tolerate their asinine brain dead thoughtless verbal vomit anymore. i've had it.
its really nice to know you all, good to know there are conscious kind and caring people still in this world. sometimes i can't help wondering, humans seem like they're all strange organisms from some other planet, some place that's very creepy.
Mistysmama, youre right, whoever is right in front of us is who we are obligated to care for, because their needs and rights are our sacred duty to fulfill. i loved how you wrote that.
Jeanne, i pray that your beloved Sammy cuddles with you in your dreams tonight


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Love is forever, loss is forever.   Yes there may come a day when a smile seems to find it's way to the face,  and you go on  one from one day to the next living and dealing with everyday life but inside, a true love lost , a part of the family, a soul mate, your fur child, the hurt remains.  That is what a great love is. This is what it is.     Some will never know or understand because they don't understand the real meaning and what stands behind it.  To love a fur child , is to love forever and always.  Always and forever.     God Bless    Your child.   My heart is with you.
I'm really not new here I have been around since Feb. 2006, I was only away for a while because of cricumstances beyound my control

For the love of our babies
Forever and always
They are the reason
They are the meaning of the word love
Love is the greatest gift of all
Tonya mommy to Bridge Babies Mesha Gail Easterling age 11,
Baby age 15, Maggie Mae age 15, Pee Wee age 9, Princess, Panda 6 months.

Living babies Kit Kat age 5 and Cotton 2 yr.

Remember (( MERCY )) Precious She belongs to all of us . We love you Mercy darling:

In memory of Max.

My purpose in life is to love them all and to do as best I can to help the ones I can, to know what love is, to help them have food or to help them as best as I can.
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hi Iamtonya,
Beautiful Words, and so true. if some people cannot understand what it is to love animals, they have missed out on the real meaning of life. these people are selfish robots, thinking only of their own indulgence.

To give your reason for living to be of assistance to Nature is the only reason for humans to exist, otherwise it is a not a life worth living. Animals are Nature, as are the trees, insects, waters, oceans, rocks, birds, all life, except humans seem completely separate from nature and act like they are from some other sick or creepy place.

I love your devotion to All Animals, to care for them. it is very noble and a beautiful reason for living.
Thank you for sending Blessings to my baby, my Beauty, i think of her every day, still in shock she is not by my side, i don't think the shock will ever subside. What is it to not have your SoulMate with you next to you, everyday, its a shock to the system. a horrible shock, one never gets over it, your soulmate is your anchor in this world, a cornerstone. when they die, its like... you cant bear it.
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I, too, find that as I get older - my pain increases.  I've put several animals to sleep, but my last kitty Jazz was by far the worst for me.  It's been alittle over a month and my pain is as fresh as if it was today.  I see her all around my house, lying in her favorite places.  I think because her condition changed and declined so fast, it was more difficult for me to handle.  Everyone handles their grief differently as others have said.  I just try to stay positive and remember all of our good times together.  I'm glad I had my kitty for 14yrs, and I glad I was able to help her get to the "bridge".  Just continue to take it one day at a time. 
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A pet loss grief counselor once said that pain and grief over the death of your beloved pet is cumulative, that one pain of death continues to build on the other. so for those of us who have buried many babies the pain is worse each time, far worse. i am going through the death of my beloved Beauty and now since yesterday, the death of my landlady's dog whom i love like she were my own.

it just gets more and more unbearable. i have 3 beautiful babies of my own and i don't think i will survive when its their time.

I wish i could offer you comfort and peace, however i know those are rare and  are very hard to grasp and when you do they seem to vanish quickly.

but you are so lucky my friend to have had your baby, your treasure and your soul mate

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jj ... I'm just writing to let you know that you and Beauty are in my thoughts today ...
"There is no such thing as 'just a cat'." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me." - Kermit the Frog

"I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil." - Gandalf
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There are so many words of wisdom here and such a comfort.  My feeling is that you never get over the losses, you learn to live with them but as you get older the losses add up, people you have loved and our furbabies who brought so much into our lives.  The only thing I have found is that after a while I can think of my loved ones and smile instead of cry, at least sometimes but still there are times when you think of them and cry.  Even though I have had 8 cats that I loved each one was different and not one could replaced the other.  My last loss of Shanti has been especially difficult for me because he was just so special.
I don't understand when people tell us how we "should" feel, we feel what we feel.  Our losses are ours and only we know the depth of that loss for us.

I am hoping that the peole who spoke to you were trying to help in their own ill advised way.  But we know, those of us who have lost an exceptional animal that the grief will be ours for the rest of our lives.

I only pray that the hurt will fade after a while and the smiles will outnumber the tears.
Marlene Wagner
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