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Barbara13

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Posts: 19
Reply with quote  #1 
Seems a lot of people lost furry loved ones yesterday..I have lost many over the years, but the one I lost last night drove me to look for a support forum for the first time..Not that I loved BC more than the others, but because as always, I can't stand myself right now..and it finally dawned on me there was bound to be a support forum somewhere..
BC was a Big Cat who turned up at our house about a year ago..He was only about a year old at the time..Since he was obviously hungry, we allowed him to stay around..He turned out to be one of the gentlest boy cats I ever came across..We had him fixed and got his shots..Except for one..Feline Leukemia..Living out in the country, I didn't think there was much chance of him having it..so I did not think to get him tested until about 2 months ago when it became clear something was terribly wrong..
Since then, he has stayed inside the house after a two week stint with my vet..He got better for awhile, but 3 weeks ago started going down after his weekly equ-stem injection, Baytril injection and B12 injection..He kept having sore throat that prevented him from eating..He should have weighed at least 12 or 13 pounds, but had dropped to 7.5 as of last Thursday..
Anyway, I could not stop hoping he would get better, if I could only find the right treatment, and having him put down was not a consideration..He wanted to live and seemed comfortable..until 5 days ago when he nearly died in my lap..Somehow, he fought his way back, but apparently he got sudden onset pneumonia..It was the most horrible, heart wrenching thing to watch, but short of shooting him, I had no way to ease his fear and panic from drowning in his own fluids..I could not shoot him..and it took several minutes for me to determine that he was in fact dying in my hands because he was yeowling and crying loudly, and trying to get away from what was going on..I prayed he would go unconscious, but he fought it til the last little gasp he could take..and then his heart was still faintly beating after his breath stopped entirely....I can't get the sounds away from me yet..I can't understand why this happens to innocents..Every time I lose a furry or feathered baby, the same questions haunt me..Why are we all here..What is the point..etc..
But its not about me..It's about the pain and terror BC went thru the last 3 to 5 minutes of his life..It's so WRONG..
People do need to get thier babies tested for Feline Leukemia as soon as they get them..Early stages can be beat, middle stages can be maintained for a long time..BC was late stage, and if not for my own mistakes with him, he might have beat it..He wanted to..He was one tough cat, and I hope my prayers are really heard somewhere, and that he does still exist and knows how sorry I am, and how much I love him..and that we will be together again some day with all the others who have already passed..



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Barbara13

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Posts: 19
Reply with quote  #2 
Is there anyone reading here at this forum who can tell me if antioxidents remove damaged red blood cells? It is important to me to know the answer, and having a hard time finding one on the net..
Thank you.

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reovi

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Posts: 136
Reply with quote  #3 
Not to my knowledge...as I understand it, antioxidants remove reactive oxygen species-substances that in lesser amounts are not toxic to cells, but when they build up they force cells to die.  To my knowledge the liver and spleen remove damaged RBC...  I hope this helps.  You can PM me if you would like to discuss something further-anything I can do to help ease your pain.
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Susie_Squillions

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Posts: 947
Reply with quote  #4 
Dear Barbara,

I am so very sorry to hear about your tragic and traumatic loss.  B.C. was so blessed to have found his way to your home a year ago.  Because of you, he knew love.  Because of you, he knew what it meant to belong.  You gave him the best life he could have hoped for while he was with you. 

Chances are he was already infected when he came to you.  I am kind of surprised that he wasn't tested as a matter of routine at his first visit, but that's neither her nor there at this point.  What matters most is that you are missing him so, and replaying those final minutes over and over again in your mind.  I wish I could turn back time and change what happened for you.

You and B.C. are in my thoughts and prayers and I'm sending you virtual hugs of comfort.


__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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Barbara13

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Posts: 19
Reply with quote  #5 
Thank you for your post Susie,,
I have several dogs, cats and 3 roosters..I practically live at my vet's clinic..and she had suggested Feline Leukemia testing for my cats long ago, but I was not worried about it because all my cats at that time were inside only cats..I had a mama cat who as a kitten had been dropped off and was staying across the road with an older man who did not feed her right..She wound up over here after losing her first batch of kittens to coyotes,,I fed her outside for awhile til she got pregnant again, and brought her in the house..She had her kittens in my closet..Neither she nor her kittens ever went outside again..
As time went on, more cats happened..They just showed up every so often..So I wound up with outside only cats too..BC was the last one who showed up, and the only one with Feline Leukemia, and I had forgotten about an outside cat possibly needing to be tested for that..Like I said..I did not think a country cat would be likely to get it..Bobcat fever is more likely..and it is untreatable..
My vet felt bad and said she should have pushed the test more, but she said people around here don't want to bother most of the time.. I was guilty of being one of those people, but for different reasons..Either way..I wish I would have had him tested when he showed up..
I appreciate your prayers and virtual hugs..I do miss BC..In the last 2 months I practically melded with that boy..Everything in my day was geared around him and his needs..Now I feel lost..Or more accurately, I feel like a part of me was jerked away from me...I want to go back and do something different, and I can't...I feel so guilty, because I was responsible for BC..he was depending on me..and I see that others here have these same feelings..and nothing but time can make it recede some...Oh well..............

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Susie_Squillions

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Posts: 947
Reply with quote  #6 
Dear Barbara,

Oh, how I know the feeling of wanting to turn back the clock!  Saying goodbye to a special needs friend brings so many levels of sorrow.  There's no such thing as an "easier" way to go through this kind of loss, but we really do meld with our special needs furs persons, and when they're gone, we have all those unavoidable reminders.  We look at the clock and realize it's medicine time (or worse yet ~ we missed meds time!), we see the bottles of medicine, or the special foods, or the sub-q fluid containers sitting, unused, where we always knew we could find them when we needed them.  We have witnessed miracles along the way during their treatment, and all of a sudden, there are no more miracles for us.  Our time is up, and it hurts like hell.  My heart goes out to you now, and I hope that the memories of a vital, friendly, happy B.C. will flood your thoughts, letting the memories of illness and sorrow slowly fade to the background.

You did nothing wrong.  If you had thought for an instant that you could have done more, you would have.  We do the best we can with the information and resources we have at the time, and it's the best we can do.

The virtual hugs are still coming your way. 



__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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Barbara13

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Posts: 19
Reply with quote  #7 
Thank you Susie..
Since BC had Feline Leukemia, I had to get rid of his meds, vitamins and syringes..I buried him with his scratch board, toys and brush..the things he loved..but I can't seem to look at any cat product that doesn't have a Maine Coone picture on it..BC was all or mostly Maine Coone..I never took a picture of him..


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MelissaB

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Posts: 20
Reply with quote  #8 

Barbara I know what you mean about getting rid of all of his meds.  I did the same thing last Tuesday when I had to say goodbye to my Bubbie.  I couldn't bear the thought of thinking of him being sick anymore.  All of the insulin bottles and syringes, the bags of sub q fluids for his kidneys, the Pepcid AC for his tummy.  It all went into the trash.  He was such a little trooper.  He never complained even though he got 2 insulin injections every day and sub q flluids every evening.  But at the end, I could see it in his eyes.  He was ready to go.  He just looked so tired and was in so much pain.  He held on so long for me because he knew I would struggle without him.  Our babies are now in a place where they aren't sick anymore.  I have to believe that.  I can't bear the thought of him just being gone.  I have to think he is in a place where he can play and sleep all day if he wants to.  I hope that BC have found each other and are now the best of friends. 

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Barbara13

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Posts: 19
Reply with quote  #9 
Most of the time, I believe the babies are in a better place.. Most of the time, I feel that I KNOW they are..but when it's still so fresh, it is hard to know or believe much..But I do hope..Thank you..


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