I first want to thank those of you that have shared your unpleasant experiences.  They have made me feel not so alone.

I made the decision to put down my Liddi the day I found out she had kidney failure.  I chose not to hospitalize her as that last cat I did that with only extended his life 3 weeks.  I didn't want to put her through that.

I told the vet I'd like to put her down that day.  He said OK and mentioned an at home euthanasia company.  Money was not a problem so I figured it would be money well spent to avoid her meowing in the carrier while driving to the vet and then the strange clinic.

Liddi was sleeping next to me on the couch.  I offered to take her down and the vet said no.  The vet grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and injected the sedation into her back.  Liddi SCREAMED, claws came out and she tried to get off the couch.  

She then relaxed a bit but still tried to get off the couch.  The vet said she was "Fighting the sedation."   I put her on the floor and she wobbled.  I then put her in her cat bed and the vet gave her a 2nd injection.  She finally was sleeping and then it was time for the lethal injection.

Upon shaving her paw, the vet pointed out the spot where they had TRIED to get a blood draw the day before.  I had forgotten that I was told that they had to try 3 times to get blood from her.

You all know that this happens so fast.  I spent the last 3 days calling friends and vet techs and no one has experienced what my dear cat went through.

I know the hurt and guilt will subside at some point in time.  I like to learn from life's experiences but there's nothing to learn from this ......except, I guess I won't try home euthanasia again!

Thank you again for letting me know that I'm not the only one that has had a bad experience with the end of life choices we make for our dear pets.
kim crandall
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Dear Kim, I'm so sorry to hear about your Liddi. It's hard enough for us to go through this and make these decisions, and as you said it all happens so fast, then to not have it go exactly as you wish. My babie's ending fortunately went quick, but the day before (also had kidney failure) could not get a blood draw and my husband had to go in a back room with the Vet, he actually had a bad bruise on his back in his skin from the needle.  It's so hard to see them go through the stress and pricking.  

My sister's dog had a really tough experience with euthanasia.  It sounds like while it may not have gone as smoothly as you'd hope, it was still quick.  You are not alone, this happens more commonly than we think, but be gentle with yourself as ultimately you did what's best for your baby.  I think most of us did not have the ending we'd dream of or hope for. My baby was in a cold, clinical environment on a steel table. That I regret. You made it so that Liddi was in her loving home and in her cozy bed, that I'm sure brought her a great deal of comfort. ❤  
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Dear Kim,

I am so sorry to hear about your terrible experience while having your Liddi euthanized. It really hit home with me because the same sort
of thing happened with my wonderful cockapoo dog, Bracken. Now, I still hear his screams from when they put the needle into his back.
So, no, you are sadly not the only one to see this happen to your precious pet.
My Bracken was euthanized on May 17 and I am still filled with terrible guilt and devastation that it didn't go well. Other vets I've spoken to tell me it is really not that uncommon, and I should focus on the wonderful life I gave Bracken . . . and that even though the needles at the end hurt him, it was just for a moment.
Well, I know that's all true but when you see it happen to a dog or cat or any pet that you love so dearly, it's hard to put things in perspective.

I know I will never use the same vet again, because years ago I had a similar experience with him when he euthanized one of my dear cats. I was also told . . . after the fact . . . that animals can become fearful at the 'weird' sensations from the drugs . . . and that they 'fight' the sedation.
But I can't forgive myself because even after that awful experience with my cat, I let the same vet euthanize Bracken.
I know I had to . . . he was the only one available that night, but I can't help but wonder if it would have gone better with someone else.
Although, as I mentioned, I've spoken with other vets since who say it doesn't always go the way we think it will.

I hope it helps you in some way to know that I understand exactly what you went through, and are going through. I know it does help me to not feel as guilty because if it happened to others, that means I did nothing wrong.

Thinking of you as we all go through this grief,
Bracken's Mom
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Kim I am so sorry about that trauma at what should have been a peaceful sleep for your dear Liddi.

It makes our grieving harder, to have memories like that to take with us. I am so sorry.

My Misty was too far gone for the sedation (internal bleed from hemangiosarcoma) so she just had the lethal injection to stop the heart, yet didn't suffer and was gone in 5 seconds.....5 breaths.
But my other dog Toby, he yelped from the sedation shot, and it was horrible. He fell asleep in seconds, but how awful for that to have been his last thing on Earth. I kept saying "sorry little one" to him as the vet gave him his last shot.

It seems that you had a different company came to do the home euthanasia? Here in UK, the regular vet or one of the partners will schedule a time to come to the house, or one of the team on night duty, if it needs to be done in the night.
It's all a team which have knowledge of the pet, and access to her/his records. Sometimes it's a vet who has treated them all their life.

My Misty had no blood pressure at the end either, so sadly was shaved for the injection but no vein came up, so her other leg had to be done. She didn't seem to care because she was close to dying at that point anyway. But I was sorry about that happening.

I am amazed and shocked that an effective oral sedation cannot be given, or one can't be developed to make it easier at the end! Then the last thing they would know would be eating a favourite piece of food with a hidden pill in it or sweet tasting liquid on it.
For those who have no appetite, they could be syringed in the mouth gently with some sweet tasting liquid....
It's not fair that someone hasn't come up yet with a gentler method. Shame on them!

Blessings to Liddi. And my heart goes out to you.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer

Misty's life after death:
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Thank you for sharing what you went through.  We try to do what we think is best for our fur babies.  We are filled with what we could/should have done differently.  Did I end Liddi's life too soon?  Should I have waited longer and then MAYBE she wouldn't have felt the initial injection.
I'm so very glad to read that you talked to other vets.  I'm not sure if I wrote that I talked to the vet that diagnosed Liddi with kidney failure and I talked to two vet techs.  NONE of them had heard or seen anything like the 2 of us experienced.  The vet said 20-30% of his HUNDREDS of euthanasias "flinch."  This was NOT a flinch.
Thank you again for sharing.  May at some point we find a way to come to terms with what we saw and heard.
kim crandall
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Thank you so very much for sharing.  It is somewhat comforting knowing that my dear Liddi wasn't the only one to have this sedation experience.
I talked to my fellow pet friends, I called a couple vet techs and not a single person had experienced this.  I spoke with the vet that diagnosed Liddi with kidney failure.  He said he's performed hundreds of euthanasias and 20-30% flinch.  This was NOT a flinch.  He also said that he hadn't received one complaint about the home euthanasia company that he referred me to.
A few of my friends have said that when they took their pet to the clinic, their pet was taken away and the pet had an IV in when they were returned for the final injection.  I'm wondering if that was to prevent them from them seeing/hearing their pet in pain when they have the IV inserted.  Their pet may also have been given the sedation and they didn't know that as they all said their pet was resting in their arms for the lethal injection.
I wonder if I should have waited longer before putting Liddi down.  By then she would have been weaker and MAYBE not have felt or been too weak to feel the injection.
Like you, I too wonder why something different hasn't been created.  .......My very first cat that I had to euthanize had the same experience.  She was injected in the back leg.  I can still see her looking into my eyes and screaming.  I swear she was saying WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME.   I was so traumatized.  This was my FIRST euthanasia and it was NOT pain free like we're expecting.
Years later it was time for cat #2.  This time I asked the vet (a different one) if Spot could be given a pill for sedation.  The good news is that there is something available.  The bad news......I gave it to him at home and he stumbled, collapsed, stumbled trying to find someplace to hide.  When I took him to the vet you could tell the lethal injection hurt.
Oh boy, old memories are resurfacing.
I cared for my Dad in my home home for 4 years.  So, that means I provided hospice care for him.  A year later I brought in a friend's Mom for hospice care.  Like you, why isn't there a syringe  or pill that we can give our fur babies like we do humans to have them slowly pass away?
I have one cat and dog left and they're both seniors.  I don't have any idea what to do the next time.  My regular vet has put down a couple of my pets.  I guess I'll make that horrible drive to the sterile environment where there's less pain involved.
Thank you again for sharing your stories with me.  It is so very helpful knowing that I'm not alone in experience this.
kim crandall
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I am so sorry for your loss and for what you had to experience.
I would first like to say that you are a very caring pet parent & are a good person so please don't be hard on yourself. I know it's easier said than done, many of us, myself included second guess ourselves after loosing our babies and I am learning that it is a common part of the grieving process. 

 What your friends told you is exactly 'how it happened' with me and my dog! She was taken away and returned with the IV in her paw! The vet & nurse explained that they were going to take her to do this & when they returned she was swaddled ( my little Chihuahua) in a big thick towel & then I rested her close to my chest as I sat on a chair. At the time I didn't think too much about it as I was in such a state although the thought of why they took her away to put the IV in did cross my mind. Her eyes were open when she passed & it traumatised me, I thought she was still alive. She was weak when I took her in so when they brought her back in the room she didn't seem any different so I don't even know whether she had or even needed a sedative,  all the injections and their reasons needed still confuse me. I do remember asking my vet whether she yelped when they took her away and his reply - 'no, I just think she was really weak'.... My darling  Daisy' also had Kidney failure....

Please be gentle with yourself.
We all support you on this forum & stand side by side.

Sending you comfort and peace on your journey.

Daisy's mummy 
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Thank you for your kind words.  I am so sorry, for your loss, too.   We are so lucky to have this Forum so that we can find each other during these difficult times of loss, especially when these don't go well.  It helps knowing that we're not alone.
My heart goes out to you as well.
kim crandall
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