PepperPots
Hello,

My beautiful baby died recently and it is all my fault. I have had her since she was 5 weeks old and I rescued her from a terrible beginning. When I picked her up I brought my lab with me and we did a 4 hour car ride home. Since that day she has loved being in the car. Any time a car door is open she jumps in goes to the back and lays down quietly. It is to the point that when I unload groceries before closing up the car we always a check for her. She likes car so much she has unknowingly gone home with friends and family. We usually have to call them to look in their vehicles. She has had a wonderful 8 years with us full of camping trips, hiking, swimming and just laying in bed snuggling. We live on 3 acres and our dogs hunt squirrels all day. They have a dog door and come and go at their leisure. We even remodeled our trailer to make it more comfortable for the dogs. Our life is around our dogs. The other day my husband left for breakfast and my girl and I were snuggling in bed together still. I was asleep upon his return and he left and went to work A quick job in his work truck. Then came back home and worked in the garage. When I finally got up (I have been suffering a concussion for about 2 weeks so lots of sleep) I stayed in the house. I assumed my girl was on her dog bed in the garage with her dad and he assume she was still in the house with me. I wasn’t until later that day when we’re both in the house that we noticed she wasn’t there only my other dog. So assume she got stuck in the garage and went looking for her. I didn’t find her. Went all over looking for only to find her dead in my husbands personal truck. We don’t know how or when she got in there. We think may she got in as my husband was getting out and he just didn’t see her. I am beyond devastated. I feel like the most horrible dog mom. I know My husband and I didn’t know she was in there but How did I not notice she wasn’t around?! How did I not go looking for her sooner? Did she bark for us and I didn’t hear? We know she likes to get into vehicles. Why did I not think to look for her sooner? I feel like I am the most terrible dog mom ever and that I killed my baby. I should never be allowed another dog or pet again. I feel like I should be put into jail for the death of my baby. I just don’t even know how to understand or cope with any of this. I don’t have children and so I treat my pets as if they are my children. We know our vet extremely well. I always pay attention to changes in their behavior. I always bring them in and seem to catch their illness. But this I couldn’t seem to catch!!!!! I have so much grief. This was incredibly traumatic and I am so incredibly guilty.
Quote 0 0
GEMINIXX69
I am so very sorry this happened.  I can imagine the pain you are feeling. The circumstances of her passing are so traumatic, but please don't feel like a bad mom.  Its obvious how important your babies are to you and this is a tragic accident. No one is at fault.  I know the coming days will be difficult but I pray you find some comfort and peace. I am so sorry.
Linda L.
Quote 1 0
PepperPots
Thank you. This is so kind. 
Quote 0 0
miasara
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please stop being so hard on yourself. This is a tragic accident but no one is to blame.  It is very apparent how much you loved and cared for your dogs and it sounds like you gave her an amazing life. I know all too well that grief can be overwhelming. Sometimes awful things just happen. Please try to concentrate on all the wonderful times and try not to focus on the ending- easier said than done, I know. My thoughts are with you. 
mia sara
Quote 1 0
PepperPots
Thank you so much for the kind words. It is really nice to see kind words. I was really terrified about posting. I really wanted help with learning how to cope with this all. I just can’t stop blaming myself. You both have wonderful with your kind words! Thank you. 
Quote 0 0
Pecan_mom

I’m so sorry for your loss. Please don’t blame yourself.  It is so obvious how much both you and your husband care about your dogs.  This was an accident and it’s nobody’s fault.  Please don’t beat yourself up.  It is not your fault.  Just give yourself time and permission to grieve but be kind to yourself.
I lost my beloved dog Pecan unexpectedly 15 weeks ago.  She was happy and healthy she wasn’t herself at 6:30pm on Thursday and passed at 4am in Friday as soon as we rushed her to the emergency.  She was my true soulmate, my best friend, my confidant.   She was with me 24/7 and I adored her.  I still cry everyday but I had to get up
and be present for my two teenage girls and my husband.  I feel guilty too.  I feel guilty for not taking her to the vet sooner, for not seeing the signs, for not taking her to the vet more often.  I don’t even remember the details of her last day.  I keep asking myself did I take her out to go to the bathroom, did I feed her, did I hug her, did I tell her how much I love her.  My family keeps reminding me that I did but I just can’t remember.  I miss her so much and can’t believe she’s gone.  I can’t believe I have survived 15 weeks without her. At the end of the day most of us have guilt when they leave us but we all love our fur babies so much and do our best for them.  You are in my thoughts and prayer.  Please feel free to share as much and as often as you like.  We all know how you feel. 

Sp
Quote 1 0
PepperPots

Thank you, again. This has been so difficult. I have lost pets before but at good old ages. My lab made it to 17. That was difficult but nothing like this. The guilt is so awful. My other dog is so sad as well. She has been with us like glue since we lost our pepper girl. She has been sleeping more than normal. She looks for pepper. But today just broke my heart. I drove my car for the first time since her death and I came home and my other dog was beyond excited. I mean more than I have seen in a really long time. I got out and she jumped on her two paws and was smelling and looking for pepper in my car (the day before she died I had taken pepper on a special walk just her and I and I am positive my car still has her fresh smell). She was just so elated and wouldn’t leave the car alone. My husband and I had to pick her up and carry her away so I could close the car. My other dog doesn’t usually enjoy car rides so much. We usually have to convince her to hop in for a ride. So this excitement for the car was just so out of character. Broke our hearts. I’m not too sure what to do for her. We have had a couple of play dates the last couple days for her with some of her dog friends. She really enjoys them but once the house is quiet again she is sad. Any advice what to do for her?

On to you, pecan mom, illnesses is pets are extremely difficult. They are very good at hiding their symptoms. Some pets are much better than others. My lab never made a complaint. I came home one day and he had a screw in his paw. However, he made it seem so normal. He tried so hard to play it off. When I found it in his paws a few minutes later I was shocked to learn it was in his paw more than an inch deep. He hardly even walked different. He was a stoic guy. Pepper, on the other hand, yelped if she stepped on a pointy rock and wouldn’t walk on her foot again until she got a foot rub from one of us. So every pet is different. But they all seem to hide serious illnesses. Sometimes there is no way of knowing until it is too late. You cannot blame yourself for that at all. Your baby had a great life with you. Enjoy those wonderful memories. 


thank you for the very kind words as well. You all have made me glad I have been able to talk about this here. I wasn’t sure about any of this at first so I want to thank you all. 

Quote 0 0
P_Mom
Dear Pepperpots, I'm so sorry for your devastating loss.  I can't imagine what you're going through, but remember you thought your baby girl was with your husband and he thought she was with you.  Neither of you would wish this upon your baby girl.  It was a tragic accident.  It is obvious the love of all your babies.  Sending you comfort and wishing you peace in the days ahead. XO
Jennifer
Quote 1 0
PepperPots
Thank you so much, p mom!
Quote 0 0
Lisactraveler
PepperPots wrote:
Hello,

My beautiful baby died recently and it is all my fault. I have had her since she was 5 weeks old and I rescued her from a terrible beginning. When I picked her up I brought my lab with me and we did a 4 hour car ride home. Since that day she has loved being in the car. Any time a car door is open she jumps in goes to the back and lays down quietly. It is to the point that when I unload groceries before closing up the car we always a check for her. She likes car so much she has unknowingly gone home with friends and family. We usually have to call them to look in their vehicles. She has had a wonderful 8 years with us full of camping trips, hiking, swimming and just laying in bed snuggling. We live on 3 acres and our dogs hunt squirrels all day. They have a dog door and come and go at their leisure. We even remodeled our trailer to make it more comfortable for the dogs. Our life is around our dogs. The other day my husband left for breakfast and my girl and I were snuggling in bed together still. I was asleep upon his return and he left and went to work A quick job in his work truck. Then came back home and worked in the garage. When I finally got up (I have been suffering a concussion for about 2 weeks so lots of sleep) I stayed in the house. I assumed my girl was on her dog bed in the garage with her dad and he assume she was still in the house with me. I wasn’t until later that day when we’re both in the house that we noticed she wasn’t there only my other dog. So assume she got stuck in the garage and went looking for her. I didn’t find her. Went all over looking for only to find her dead in my husbands personal truck. We don’t know how or when she got in there. We think may she got in as my husband was getting out and he just didn’t see her. I am beyond devastated. I feel like the most horrible dog mom. I know My husband and I didn’t know she was in there but How did I not notice she wasn’t around?! How did I not go looking for her sooner? Did she bark for us and I didn’t hear? We know she likes to get into vehicles. Why did I not think to look for her sooner? I feel like I am the most terrible dog mom ever and that I killed my baby. I should never be allowed another dog or pet again. I feel like I should be put into jail for the death of my baby. I just don’t even know how to understand or cope with any of this. I don’t have children and so I treat my pets as if they are my children. We know our vet extremely well. I always pay attention to changes in their behavior. I always bring them in and seem to catch their illness. But this I couldn’t seem to catch!!!!! I have so much grief. This was incredibly traumatic and I am so incredibly guilty.
Quote 0 0
Lisactraveler
 Hi, if I had more time I would like to say more to say more to you but please don’t feel guilty these things happen sometimes there’s accidents that happen and you can’t blame yourself. You were a loving loving person who loved your animals so much as I do and I had to put my kitty to sleep about a month ago and this is the first time today that I’m writing something because I haven’t been able to tell her story because then I just start crying but I had to put her to sleep and she was so young she had diabetes  she was the type of cat that if I had to get blood from her and give her an injection every day she would just be stressed out to no end because even though I had her for six years and treated her like gold you couldn’t get very close to her a lot of the time it was just her personality she didn’t like a lot of stimulation but I struggle because I know a lot of people do that with diabetes for cats but again her personality was such nothing like my other two cats you can’t really get very close to her even over since I had her since a baby but I miss her more than any of my cats the funny thing is she was like that but I was closer to her than any of them because she was such a loner that I always gave her extra love and care.  Please do not feel guilty these things happen accidents happen things happen and it’s not your fault please know it is not your fault.
Quote 0 0
PepperPots
I am so sorry. That is so difficult. I have a cat that is very independent. She would never tolerate having to do daily injections or anything along those lines. It would be like I locked her in for a life of torture. I have other cats that would be just fine.  So I complete understand quality of life. You knew that wasn’t the life for her. You made the right decision. You cannot be upset at yourself for that. You gave her the best life possible for the time she had. She loved you and you loved her. You showed her that love in your decision by making such a difficult decision out of love. But it is so very very difficult to loose our fur babies. I mean wow it’s been so hard. Everything reminds me of mine. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you. Please know I’m thinking of you and your beautiful kitty. 
Quote 0 0