I know it's only been two weeks.  I went to take the trash cans out and saw the spot where Max collapsed on the driveway and just came unglued.  I'm playing everything over and over again in my head.    He had been adjusting to the departure of our 2 other dogs who relocated out of state with my daughter 2 weeks prior.  He was mopping around, picking over his food which was not surprising to him since I had seen the same behavior when I lost a previous pet.Why didn't I know that he was sick?  Was I completely insensitive and blind. We took a walk the night before he passed……did I really make this sick dog go on a walk?  I figured he was a little depressed. We layed on the floor together, with his head in my lap and we ate an apple together like we do every evening. I decided before I went to bed that I was going to have the vet check him out the next morning and we both went to bed.  We both got up the next morning.  I called the vet with the plan of dropping him off in the morning to get checked out.  He was sitting in his usual spot watching me get ready as he always did.  I pack my stuff in the car and then call him so we can be on our way and he comes out of the house and heads in the wrong direction.  That was my first awareness that something was wrong.  I go to get him and see that he is staggering and he collapsed on the driveway.  Max was 80 lbs! I opened the door of my car, kicked off my high-heels and I don't know how I did it but I picked him up and put him in the car (I'm 62 yrs old).  He appeared to be alert, his eyes were clear…..and off to the vet we went.  It took 2 guys to get him out of the car on a stretcher.  I sat with him in the car petting him and telling him how sorry I was, that I didn't know he was sick and that it was going to be ok.  I never thought for one moment that in 5 hours he would be dead! The vet told me that he thought it was a ruptured spleen and that he was bleeding internally but that he wanted to do an ultrasound.  He told me to go to work and that he would call me with the results. An hour later he called me and told me that the ultrasound was not conclusive but that Max was bleeding internally and needed surgical intervention, but that they needed to stabilize him first since he was to weak for surgery right now. They put him on IV's and removed that blood from his stomach and gave it back to him as a transfusion all in an effort to stabilize him so they could conduct the surgery.  He slipped away quietly in his kennel.  I had an appointment to meet with the Vet that afternoon to discuss our next steps and when I got there he told me that Max had died an hour earlier…..that he had just slipped away. He said Denise, we had him "right there" in front so we could keep an eye on him. And, when we went to check his IV he was gone.  He said he did not call me right away because he did not want me frantically driving to get there for no reason. I was stunned….like I still am right now.  It got cold last night and in my sleep I was fishing around for Max my foot warmer……and woke myself up when I couldn't find him.  I tried eating an again apple today (we shared an apple every evening) and it made me sick.  But in other ways it seems like this was an ordained destiny.  My dog food container was almost empty….I buy dog food on Monday's since the pet store is close to my office.  There was one tube of flea meds left in the cabinet, I have enough pet shampoo left for one more bath……Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day
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Thank you for your story. You are a strong person. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. I will say a prayer for your pup.
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Oh honey I am so sorry for your loss.  I wish I had a magic pill to give you to speed this process along, but I don't.  I lost my Molly last Thanksgiving and I am still having meltdowns.   these babies become our whole lives, especially the older we get.  Molly was my heart and soul so I can relate to your loss.  Grief has its own time table there is no rushing it.  Just try to remember that you gave your baby all your love and that is really all they ask of us.  I am sure Molly was waiting on the other side of the Bridge for your Max and that they are healthy, happy and just waiting for us.

Take care of yourself, it is so easy for you to get sick at this time when your defenses are down.  Hopefully you have people around you to support you at this time, but this Forum has the most wonderful caring people in the entire world.  We ALL understand how you are feeling right now.  Reliving those last hours are HARD, I know.  I wish there was some way to just hit erase and they would go away from our memories and all we would remember would be all the wonderful, funny, happy times we had with our babies.

Sending you hugs and wishing you peace.
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Denise, I am so sorry for your sudden loss of Max. I know how hard this is for you. I, too, lost my golden suddenly through the night. I thought he was just tired and sad that we were arguing in the house. I blamed myself for many weeks. Thinking, did I cause the stress that killed him? Was he sick and I didn't even know? It was very similar to your situation, though in the morning I got a glazed half second look and he was gone in my arms. He was 6 weeks from 7 yrs old. No health problems. Nothing at all. Today marks 11 weeks for me. I would have never gotten to this point without this forum. It will get easier but for now I know that grief. I know that hole that has been ripped out of your heart. We all do. It is such a devastating loss to your family and I am sorry you are going through this now. Max will always be by your side. He will never leave you. I hope you find some peace in your days. Take one day as it comes and try to be patient with the grieving process. It takes a lot of time and tears...thinking of you at this difficult time in your life...
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Denise, I see some parallels in your story with what I experienced with my Teddy and I, too, asked the same questions you did.  I'm sure many of us here did.  I'm so sorry for your pain and loss of Max. I realize how difficult this is for you and despite your guilt (which we all feel), I can tell you loved him dearly and would never deliberately hurt him.  We always see things differently after the fact and that's when the guilt creeps in.  I can tell you gave him a wonderful life and cared deeply for him.  He knew that too.  My heart goes out to you.  Sara
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Pets try so hard to make you happy, that they become good at hiding illnesses. My cat had a UTI and I didn't know till I found brown pee on my bathroom rug. If she hadn't peed there, I never would have known. She seemed perfectly fine otherwise. On another occasion, I had adopted a cat from the shelter and the night I got her, she was coughing. Took her into the vet and it turned out she had severe pneumonia. But she was so sweet and snuggly I never would have guessed. I'm glad I caught her cough.

Sometimes our pets make it hard to see their illnesses. They want us to be happy. It's so hard to catch things unless they're already really sick. You can't blame yourself.
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