Mackysmum
Today it hurts again I was feeling more at piece the last few days but today woke up so sad and I finally cried , i belive i was numb for a while there .
I miss my boy so much my chest feels heavy , i want to cuddle my big teddy bear right now and kiss his face .
To take macky on his walk he loved so much eould be bliss , I'm his mum i feel i should still be protecting him , i hope hes safe .
I have a wedding today later i dont feel like going bit I have to , it may take my mind off the missing , but then ill feel guilty .

I put some photos up to show how silly my boy was , he use to lay on his back and kick.his legs up in the air and loved his tummy rubbed
Quote 0 0
nosunshine
My Sunny loved having his belly rubbed too. These are very sweet pictures. Macky was a handsome boy!
I'm sorry for your loss and all the pain.
Blessings,
Sharon
Quote 0 0
Kittypiller
Im so sorry you had a bad day. I love the pictures you posted of macky. Its so hard to loose a beloved fur baby I lost my 4 1/2 year old cat Butters 3 months ago and have a lot bad days because I miss her so much. Just remember macky will always be with you in your heart.
Quote 0 0
Mackysmum
Hi kittypiller
Thank you hes very handsome thats for sure ☺
It's been a hard day in at a wedding tonight ive had a good time and took my mind of my boy but he keeps popping in which I like cause i will not forget him
I'm so sorry you lost your sweet butters it really leaves a huge hole in your life and heaet doesn't it .
Quote 0 0
Mackysmum
Nosunshine
Thank you for your comment hes my special boy and very handsome .
I miss him very much life isn't the same anymore I hope I can be happy again one day i know macky wouldn't want me to be so down he hated seeing me cry he would lick my face in such concern if I was crying , funny how they can tell if your upset .
Thanks again
Quote 0 0
catiebee
Your Macky was so cute! I am so sorry for your loss. The bad days definitely come and are hard to cope with. I'm glad you could get out for a bit and that you had a nice time. 

Wishing you much peace and comfort. And I hope your heart starts to heal soon. Unfortunately, it takes real time to adjust. Take care of you...
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
Quote 0 0
Mackysmum
Thank you catiebee
It's a wave of different feelings all the time , I'm gettimg more use to the changes of emotions , in the start it really frightened me as i would feel sad then numb scary to be honest .
Quote 0 0
catiebee
Yeah. For sure, we can't orchestrate the feelings. Just somehow find our way through them.

It was a precious thing that Macky would get concerned when you needed to cry and I'm so sorry for that loss of comfort on top of everything else.

Whatever you feel is okay, because loss takes all of us through the wringer! 

Hang in there, Mackysmum. You're not alone--everyone here knows how hard it is. 
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
Quote 0 0
Mackysmum
Thanks catiebee ☺
I'm having a better day today but then I feel bad towards macky , part of the grief I guess
I know macky wouldn't want me upset they loved us so much and they were so selfless.
Yes he hated it when i was upset he would put his nose under my chin and lift my head up then lick my face ☺ i really felt he was my soul boy
Quote 0 0
Merlysmum
I could have written your post myself re: anxiety, pet being my entire world, feeling totally lost...my sweet puppy died over 7 months ago and I am still sometimes totally overcome with grief (like today, for some reason). He was a shih-poo and I had him for 15 years. I was with him 24/7. As spring comes, I find myself dreading all the memories that are coming, all good because he was such a good little doggy. He was my first (and probably last) dog. I also have a great cat which helps, I guess. I really wish I could be more encouraging but at this point, I can't be.
I 'd like to think Macky and Merlin are playing together in the next world if there really is such a place.
Joanne Brigden
Quote 0 0
Mackysmum
Hi merlysmum
I'm so sorry for your loss its the hardest to try to come to acceptance that they are gone and that loss of routine is deep cutting isn't it .
I'm afraid I will forget macky mainly because I do suffer a foggy memory from my chronic anxiety disorders .
I haven't cried as much as i thought i would the first 2 days i cried harder then I thought was possible , I'm not a very easy to cry person never have been so the tears i had those first 2 days were a shock to me. How ever i have dealt with a lot of guilt for not crying as much as i think is warranted.
It's not that im not feeling sad or bad I just dont cry werid i feel.
The absoulty hardest think for me is the not caring anymore for him , my role to macky these last few years were being his carer and I revoled my whole day / night around him , i lost friendships because I did not want to let macky down , i guess that proves how deeply i loved my boy .
I got macky when i was 18 he was 6 weeks old he was my first pet that was mine , i took him everywhere with me our bond was incredible he choose me as his one and only owner even though there was many people in my family, he choose only me . The last 6 months of his life were intense and very high stress as he was getting more blind and weaker all.his legs so i had to take him to the toilet , mainly because the back yard had a high step that was hard in those last 6 months for him to jump over so i had to always pick him up.
He had a puffer for chronic bronchitis to , and he suffered from high anxiety the last month of his life .
I do have guilt that he had anxiety in the last few weeks my poor boy , he had to take valium at times as he was barking non stop , in the last 2 weeks of his life we figured out he was anxious from pain and or dementia so we had medications to settle him , but because it took a few weeks to figure out why he was so anxious that makes me feel real bad as i feel i did let him down in that last month cause he had increased pain and was anxious "sorry macky moo"
To be honest I always knew we loss our fur babes but it didn't feel real if you know what I mean ?
Even the day i was waiting for the vet to come to my house to put macky to sleep , that whole day fidnt feel real life then when my boy was laying there and he was gone i felt shocked , as if I didn't think it was really happening ! I don't know what I was thinking maybe im nuts . But I wanted right back aftwr he was gone it was intense
Now I'm happy hes at peice and is not struggering to go to the toilet or get to his water bowl that he is not anxious and that he had me there when he took his last breath that to me was so important as he trusted me fully and as i said above he choose me all along he needed me so i was there. Agggg its hard to talk about that day to be honest ive blocked that horrid day out of my mi d as it brings up a horrible feeling in me .
Quote 0 0