Hey everyone. This will be a long story so buckle up. I'm also typing this on my phone so there may be some grammar issues.
First off, I'm happy to see this forum is still alive and well, it helped me 3 years ago when I related the story and concerns regarding my eldest cat, Mitsy. Due to kidney failure, I had to make the heartbreaking choice of letting her go. But I was scared, confused, unwilling to let her go and I did not participate to her last moments. My brother and boyfriend were with her at the very end so she wasn't alone.
I grieved for months for my cat, it was torture to get up out of bed. I felt like I had died inside, but, standing right besides me was Little, 5 years younger than Mitsy, she made sure I was never alone and wept along with me.
Fast forward a few months. I get married, last year I get pregnant and have a wonderful baby boy. Though most of my attention went to the newborn, I still found time to love and pamper Little. I knew that as time was passing she was getting older and eventually I'd have to say goodbye to her as well, so I made sure to shower her with affection, love, and daily brushing, which she loved.
2 weeks ago, we went to a routine check up at the vet. By now, Little is already 13 years old. Bloodwork came out great. Just an inflamated eye because she liked sleeping on the floor. I got an eye cream and in 2 days her inflamation was gone.
2 days after her checkup, i noticed upon cleaning her litterbox that she hadn't pooped. No biggie, sometimes she poops every 2 days. But she hadn't seemed to have eaten much either. I keep her bowl full at all times, no portions.
Didn't panic, but decided to keep a watchful eye. The weekend passed and she hasn't had a bite of her food.
Now panicked, I set an appointment with the vet Monday morning. In the evening of Sunday, as I was petting her like always, I noticed a small lump umder her chin. It wasn't soft or moved around. It was hard like bone.
Monday we went to the vet and they reccomended an xray and biopsy. But, they suspected a tumor.
The results came back so hard. I was going insane. She wasn't eating anymore. I saw her sniffing the bowl, picking up a morsel only to spit it out. She was still drinking water and peeing. For 4 days we've waited for the biopsy results and she was slowly degrading. Every day 2 hours of fluid IV, then force feed her liquids with a syringe.
I wished and prayed that whatever she had wasn't cancer, maybe just a bad inflamation and would pass with some medicine. But as yesterday rolled along, the worst news came in the form of bone cancer. Only treatment? Amputation of the infected limb. In her case, more than 50% of her jaw. Then adding a prosthetic. The vet was retained in urging me to do this. She was old, weak from not eating, she might not survive the operation and even if she did, she would probably not recover. And the costs would have been through the.roof.
I started crying in the vets office and they urged me to go home, speak with my family and whenever I decide to call hom, but he proposed that it may be time to let go.
Now... she was still kinda chipper, she couldn't eat because of the pain, but she still held herself to come and seek attention to still love her scratches and combing. But I knew that I was leading myself in a false sense of lies. She was not OK, she was hurting and it wouldn't be long until she would not be able to go to the bathroom. She was already tired to groom herself and her once clean and perfect fur was slowly getting matted and dirty.
I called the vet the next day and scheduled an appointment for today.
My mom came to babysit my child so that I was free to spend time with her. I asked the doctor prior to perform the act at our house. She was already terrified of the cabinet and home she was relaxed and happy. She loved sitting in the balcony and bask in the sun.
At 11 am, the vet came prepared and told me to spend as much time as needed with her. I had already spend the majority of the night with her, petting, laughing and playing. I still spend half an hour with her and didn't cry because I knew that she would feel my sorrow. We spend time on the balcony and just remembered the good times. I told her how much I loved her and how she will never feel pain again.
I wanted to be there for her. Unlike Mitsy, I was the center of her world.
The doctor administered a sedative which knocked her out. As she fell asleep she meowed one last time looking at me like knowing and thanking me as she looked so peaceful as she fell asleep. I broke down. The vet waited patiently. I spend another 20 minutes with her, now just crying, taking in her rising chest, knowing that I'd never see it again.
The doctor asvised that for the final shot, it's best that I leave the room. She was already asleep and couldn't see, hear or notice me anymore.
I initially refused but he said that usually animals with tumors especially in their mouth could bleed and twitch pretty bad post mortem. So I left the room.
I cried and cried and cried. 10 minutes later it was done. I came back and watched her lifeless body lay on her blanket. I cried more. Another half an hour.
I finally kissed her one last time and gave her to the vet for cremation. I didn't have the money for single cremation.
Now comes the end of my story. My two wonderful girls now up in heaven, playing together and rejoicing they found each other again.
And me? I will grieve and cry and nothing is the same. Unlike Mitsy, now I have to clean up her litter box and toys and food bowls as I don't have another cat. The bathroom looks empty, the house sounds empty without her meows. My life is empty without them.
I love them so much and I hate it that they were taken from me so soon.
I know that I made the right call but that doesn't make me feel any less sad. And I can't cry cause my boy will start crying with me. I can only cry when he's sleeping. So tonight, a good dose of bawling my eyes out should do it.
Again, apologies for the looong story, but I also keep this as sort of a diary to come back to and remember.
For all of you, let's be strong together.
The saddest moment is when the one who gave you the best memories,
Becomes a memory.