i took in a baby kitten, couldn't have been a month old, abandoned by her mother and siblings on november 18th, of this year. the moment i laid eyes on her, i fell completely in love. she was the sweetest, sassiest, and funniest cat ever. it took a while for my other fur child to get used to her, but he warmed up real nice. the tuesday after thanksgiving, she had a seizure at 5am. she jumped up on the bed, and began the seizure. my boyfriend thought she had just gotten scared, but i knew otherwise. 19 hours later, she had another one, and that time i knew for sure it was seizures causing her to freak out like that. i spent the next two hours trying to find a vet hospital that would check her out, and also help us with payment arrangements, because we hadn't gotten paid yet. i didn't want to wait to take her, because i knew she needed immediate medical attention, but they all wouldn't negotiate the money issue. friday night, she had a total of 12 seizures within a 12 hour time period. the next morning, i took her to work with me to make sure she was okay, and surely enough, she had another. my boss gave me the work card and ordered me to take her to the hospital. when we got there, it was busy, but they took her right in. 15 minutes had passed before they called me in, and broke the bad news to me. apparently the vet thought i tried to poison her, although if i tried, i wouldn't have worried so much about it. she also said that she was in terrible shape, and i could spend a thousand dollars on her treatments, but it wouldn't have done any good. so the decision i made was to end it all. i didn't want her to hurt the way she did. she would be better off that way. the vet let me spend a little time with her before they put her to rest, and i did nothing but cry my eyes out. how could something so small, still new to the world, still learning about things, have to go through that? i wanted to do everything and anything to make her better. but there wasn't anything i could do. me and my boyfriend waited outside while the operation took place. and ever since, i have done nothing but feel so guilty about not being there when it happened. her mother left her for dead, and it feels like i did the same exact thing. that night, i just thought about how i wanted to be there, holding her paw, telling her how much her real mom loved her to death, and how i was going to be there until she took her last breath. and i really wished i had. i loved that cat so very much, even though it was for a short time. and now i am haunted with the fact that i wasn't able to get her help when she needed it most.
Alyssa Chance
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I know the horrible effects seizures in your pets can leave on your heart. My dog Howie had seizures in the last month of his life. Sometimes he had 4-8 a day. I felt so helpless watching him go through this. We just lost Howie on 12-8-2013 and it has been very hard.

It sounds like you did a wonderful job giving her the absolute best you could offer. She knows you loved her...and she knows that you were there for her when she needed you the most.
How lucky I am to have had something that I loved so much. Love to my Howie....always and forever.
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 I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet precious baby kitty.

It seems like you have a very kind boss also.

The most important thing is that she is loved and that she knows it and you know it.

Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.

I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.

Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -


The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.

Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.


When we grieve for those we love it is because we do not quite know how to live without them. We breathe because we have no choice but the living part takes a huge amount of learning and time.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

We are all in this together and all walking the same roller coaster path of grief together -

some a bit ahead of you, some by your side, and some will come behind for you to help along.

Grief takes time. It usually takes the whole first year of “firsts” without them to take a true deep breath again. Be kind to yourself. None of this is easy.

I am here for you.

We are all here for you and we care about you and we understand.

You Are In My Thoughts.                                      




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