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JuniorsMom

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Reply with quote  #1 
It's been a while since I have visited. We lost our Junior years ago and did not think Missy would make it through the grieving nor ourselves. Now here I am and have lost my second fur baby Missy to cancer and the void and heartache I am feeling is unbearable. Missy followed me EVERY WHERE. on the couch watching tv in the bathroom at my feet outside of the shower on the floor. It happened very quickly. She would have been 11 in Jan. There was a small mass on her breast that literally just blew up. Took her in to have it examined and removed and got the call they opted to not. Xrays revealed it was too far gone and the suggestion was to put her down. She was eating drinking playing and I felt my heart sink. I took her for second opinion with the same result. I opted to keep her at home and do a doggy hospice then when it seemed as tho her quality of life were slipping I would have to make a choice. Her tumor grew quickly and it opened up. I changed her bandages and dressings twice daily. She was still getting up and down going potty but her appetite was dwindling. She was most comfy snoozing on my lap on the couch. I went to the store yesterday was gone for 30 min and when I came home she was in the kitchen with her legs sprawled behind her and she was crying. I picked her up and took her to the living room . She was having teou le breathing teying to stand upright but could not and it was horrific. I rushed her immediately to the vet. I'm thinking she may have had a stroke but the crying screaming sound and her writhing to stand was more than I could stand to see her go thru. I made the decision to put my poor girl to sleep. She was so scared and drooling but I knew this was bad very bad. It all happened so quickly I feel like it is not real. The first shot she fell asleep on my chest and I held her the entire time thru the second. I decided to cremate and my mind was such a mess. I did not want to leave her. I have not slept and had nightmares. I did not want to get up and have mostly cried and been sick. I feel as tho I let her down. I hope I did not rush the decision to put her down but could not bear her to suffer. Now my grief is very real. I feel as tho I am missing a piece of me. I went to the vet today and picked her up. I found out our local funeral home does services. They had a little casket for her for viewing. She was placed in a little white body bag q her favorite toy for a private cremation and I should have her within a week. The vet had her in a black bag in a freezer and that about did me in. I know this is part of loss .but I really am not doing well and honestly feel an ache in my heart for her. I am so lost. I dont even know where to begin. All I can think of is I want my girl back home with me. :(
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Kristie
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nosunshine36

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Reply with quote  #2 
Dear Kristie,
I think you made the best decision for your poor Missy. It’s so painful when there is no other choice but to let them go. Your only choice would have been to allow her to suffer and so you did the best thing possible.
I’m very sorry for your loss Kristie.
Blessings,
Sharon
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JuniorsMom

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you sharon. I hope I did right by my girl. I have spent day after day finding any scenario I could have done differently. I would give anything for more time with her. I'm still shellshocked. She was outside taking a walk that morning. Snoozing by me on couch , tho I know she was not feeling great she was alert and seemed happy. It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from
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Kristie
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