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JerseyNonna
brodiesma, i'm so sorry for your loss of your loved Brodie and what a grand age of 18 to be blessed having him.  I lost my loved service dog roxie the evening after Christmas very suddenly and what I went through is very similar to what you have so far.  shock at first where you are almost numb and in what seems to be a deep dark fog that only oh so slowly seems to lift from us.  the numbness sticks around but also slowly lifts.  for me almost the first month and a half is a blur although the night I lost her is forever so vivid in my mind that sometimes I want to think this has all been some sort of cruel joke or nightmare and when I fully wake my beautiful girl will be lying next to my legs in bed waiting for my eyes to open.  however, reality sets in and I force myself to acknowledge this has happened and while i'm lost without my girl and her loving help...she at least is in a much better place where she is young, healthy and whole once more.  a place where until I join her there she will get to play with the rest of our furbabies, lie belly up to nap in the warm sunshine and listen ever so intently for my footsteps.  we do reach an eventual point where days are manageable and even if we make it through the day without tears our companions are forever in our hearts and we begin to smile when we think of them.  we're here for you sweetie and many many hugs to you today.
JerseyNonna
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Brodiesma
Thank you  JerseyNonna...your kind words really touched my heart and I will hold them close as I attempt to get through another very difficult day!  My condolences on your loss as well.  The old adage, misery loves company is ironically true ... I'm very grateful that I found this forum...such kind and loving people (which should surprise me because most pet parents are the most kind and loving)
Every tear is a prayer.
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PeteysMomma
Brodiesma, I'm so sorry for your loss of Brodie.  I like you do not have any children so my beloved Petey who passed on 3/1/16 was like my child.  It has been a month and a half and I still have days where I can't believe I will never see my sweet baby again.  It is so heartbreaking.  Some days for me are better than others and it has gotten a little better with time as people say but the pain is still there.  Some days I wonder if the emptiness will ever go away or if I will ever feel truly happy again.  On bad days, it does help to come to these forums where everyone is so kind and understands just how deep this loss is.
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jimmy17
I am so sorry for your loss, and can relate to you so much. We never had children, and although we had dogs before, nothing prepared us for when we adopted Jim from a rescue shelter just over 17 years ago. He was our absolute joy, giving us so much purpose to our lives. For 17 + 3 months he was the absolute centre of everything we did, our lives totally revolved around him.  When we had to have him put to sleep almost 18 weeks ago I was inconsolable - I just couldn`t imagine life without him in it. Slowly I`ve realised that our precious babies are only given such a short time with us, and while it is so unfair, that`s just the way it is. They give us so much unconditional love , never asking for anything in return, but it`s so very hard to let them go.    I think we`ve just got to be thankful for the time we had, I had 17 years which I am so thankful for - and I am certain we WILL see them again.
                          Sending you huge hugs, Jackie
J Taylor
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Eddiesmom
I just ordered my photos, it's been over a month.  It was hard.  They will be mailed to my house, I wonder how long it will take me to open the envelope.
Sue E
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Eddiesmom
I should be getting my photos in the mail today. I don't know how long it will take me to open the envelope.  Don't know why seeing photos is so hard.  I have one on my nightstand and I'm okay with that one, maybe cause it's been there.  Last night I found myself a little angry with Ed asking him, "Why did you have to die?".  My little Chewy, Eddie's little pal, is still so devastated.  He doesn't care about anything but sleeping. I took him to the vet and he checked out okay, just "heartbroken"....which makes me more heartbroken too.  Okay just venting.
Sue E
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Brodiesma
5 weeks now and in many ways still feeling as bad as Day 1.  The trauma of putting him down replays in my head every night (insomnia is getting worse).

I know I am supposed to think about the happy memories with Brodie, but as he struggled with dementia for over a year and 24 hours a day I was devoted to his well-being, those are the only memories I can muster.

When I think back to pre-dementia time, it's like thinking about another dog.  It has occurred to me that in some ways, I lost him over a year ago as the dementia made him a completely different dog....but certainly loved just as much!

This grief is crippling!
Every tear is a prayer.
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Baileysbro
I find pictures a comfort  I have Bailey as a background and am choosing  a picture to print.  He hated cameras and it was hard getting a good portrait of him.  I finally managed and those I'm going to print out.
Bailey
October 31, 2002 - April 19, 2016 10:25 P.M.
My best friend, my companion, my love

[e8de4bc1-77ae-4da2-9834-109b68b6cda8]

[Paws-for-the-News-Grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet] 
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goldensmom2
Brodiesma wrote:

Hi,

I am new to the forum and found this as I am really struggling and there are no pet loss support groups where we live.

One month ago today I had to put my beloved Jack-a-poo, Brodie to sleep after 18 years of being inseparable.  He had canine dementia which required massive management over the past year.  While my days and nights were dedicated to him completely, I never begrudged it as it kept my baby with me for another whole year.  His dementia started to really decline and he developed a heart murmur.  Then one night we woke up at 2am, stood up, stumbled and fell into a violent seizure.  Up until this point I had been able to keep him safe, comfortable and loved, but seizures were something that I simply could not allow him to endure.  While it sickened me, I knew it was time.

The euthanasia procedure proved so traumatic for me...the last thing I remember was letting out this God awful anguished wail when the vet administered the drug.  I then went into a complete black hole for about a week.  I have no recollection of anything (my husband tells me that I was basically bedridden).  Even the days that I finally managed to get out of bed are very sketchy and just filled with memories of constant unbearable crying, terrible aching pain and an emptiness that was so deep it cut like a knife.

I wish I could say the days are helping to dull the pain, but sadly not.  Not having had children of my own, Brodie definitely inhabited that chamber of my heart that would have been occupied by a child.  He saw me through so many dark, difficult times in my life and was really the light that kept me going.  How can anyone possibly accept and recover form the loss of a pet who makes your heart burst with love happiness every single day for 18.

I don't think I am grieving normally (and I know that we are all different and there is no "normal" here) but I cannot bear to see a photo of my baby boy, nor see his little box of ashes or any of his belongings.  My wonderful husband took care of hiding everything while I was in my "black whole"

Has anyone else been unable to face the memories and photos of their lost pets?

The pain is still so raw that seeing anything would just feel like taking a knife to an already gaping wound.

I and my world will never be the same again.



Judy Cannon Hillyer
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winstonsmom12
My Winston passed 3/2/16.  I can't bring myself to look at my fav. pic of him even now.  I've looked at it a million times when he was still with me and it brought a huge smile to my face.  I know every detail about the pic. But just can't look at it.

Eventually I will have it blown up and framed and hang it on the wall where I can look at it everyday.   But i feel now is not the time.   Sue
Susan
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Baileysbro
Winston is such a pretty dog. 
Bailey
October 31, 2002 - April 19, 2016 10:25 P.M.
My best friend, my companion, my love

[e8de4bc1-77ae-4da2-9834-109b68b6cda8]

[Paws-for-the-News-Grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet] 
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