BilliesMom
Is anyone out there feeling like friends/family just want you to stop grieving and go back to "normal"?

My loss happened in the middle of November; my husband and I suddenly and unexpectedly lost our 7-year-old cat to a horrifying disease. My husband grieved for Billie for a few days, but after that, the incident just "become a memory" to him, and he went back to his routine, playing his games and working on his hobbies.

But me, I go to bed and I hear Billie's terrified cries at the vet, over and over again. I dream about holding him, but even in the dream I'm bawling because I know it isn't real. I feel paralyzed by simple tasks like cleaning or making dinner. I'm terrified of going to sleep, because I'm afraid that I, or my husband, or our surviving cat, won't wake up in the morning. 

I went to see a grief counselor last week, and she thinks I have "a hint of post-traumatic stress." (Of course I do. Billie's death was traumatic.) But I've noticed that while my grief still hits me in intense waves, my support system is ebbing away. My husband used to comfort and reassure me during my crying spells; now he says nothing, which is what he does when he thinks I'm being irrational. I can tell he just wants me to move forward like he did.

But this happened just 2 1/2 weeks ago. It was the most traumatic event of my life (and his!). Just because he has the freakish ability to compartmentalize all of his emotions doesn't mean I can do that. The waves of grief still crash over me, I'm just alone in them now.

Is anyone else feeling this way too, as the days continue on?
Blitzen (Black Labrador, 1993-2007)
Billie (Blond tabby, 2009-2016)
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Natcho
I think deep down, nobody can relate to your pain exactly like you do.  Regardless of the support network each has, or reading up on the subject of grief one does, true healing only comes from within.  Those other factors may reduce the amount of time involved, or slightly lessen the pain, but in the end, we must deal with it on our own.  Its been just over 2 months since my loss and I still am travelling through the process.  There are good days and bad.
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gizmo55
What I've heard over the years is that men compartmentalize everything.  They aren't like women who overthink and over analyze (FYI I'm a woman).  It was said that a man's mind is like a closet of shoe boxes.  They open one, and they focus on that one.  Then they move to the next.  Women however are like multiple tabs open on the internet.  

I'm not a psychologist, but I liked this theory, it helped me to understand.  

I think we have trouble moving forward because things remind us of our loved ones.  For instance the routine of feeding the cats in the am.  I had a specific routine.  They ate at certain spots, and you don't dare mess with that :) It was Lubert's bowl, Lubert's spot, and he wasn't there.  I filled it anyway.  I cried.  

Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace.  Take the time to grieve, as long as you need.  Talk to friends, talk to a therapist, talk to your fur baby who passed on.  I sat on the ground hysterical yesterday, over the graves of my two fur babies and just cried and screamed and begged for forgiveness.  Every day I go there, and every day I talk to my babies.  It helps me.  I still cry out of no where and sometimes I go to bed very early and don't feel like functioning.  But I don't beat myself up over it.  However long it takes you, it's ok.  
Jackie
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