Missing my baby today. I keep waking up in the night with anxiety, it’s like my subconscious is trying to alert me of his absence even in his sleep. I feel really low, no energy, just depressed. I realize all these feelings are normal. I go from putting him out of my mind completely to non stop thinking of him every second. I ordered a plaque, it’s slate with his picture on it. I haven’t opened it up yet, probably because seeing it means that he’s really gone. I’ve noticed lately I have more than depression, I’m developing anxiety in response to not having here. It feels like the anxiety a parent would have if their child were missing. In the back of my mind I keep thinking that there are things I have to do to get him back, active steps to figure out how to have my baby back home with his mom and dad. But I can’t, I have to deny that instinct and grieve him. I suppose the fact that my reaction to things I can’t control is anxiety, that this was inevitable. 
Laraine Esposito 
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It is sadly a process. The process of grief. The endless second guessing. The paying of penance that we put ourselves through. The searching. The depression. The anxiety. 

Just last night, a little over 1 year and 1 month since my boy departed, I was dreaming of him trying desperately to find him. He was missing in my dream. And then I awoke and realized that he had passed. 

All we can do is continue to travel through time and heal bit by bit. Moment by moment.

"This too shall pass."
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