ricemanstm
Coming up on the first weekend without my sidekick.  My weekend naps were always with her at my side.  Not in a cuddle sort of way, but she was always on the bed with me...and sometimes even within arm's reach.

Mornings are still the absolute worst.  My normal routine was to search for hairballs coughed up at 3:00 AM, which were sometimes found with podiatrical braille, then stumble to the kitchen while trying not to trip over a furry malcontent desperate for some nutrition...while she meowed the entire way.  Now...the mornings are dead silent.  Just the whir of the fridge or the whoosh of the fans...wind blown branches against the windows.  I hate it.  

Although there's four of us in the house, there's a definite life gap.  I suppose that might pass, but I don't know.  I still come home for lunch.  Yes, it's stupid to do that to myself, but I feel like I'm closer to her...although technically I'm sure she can be anywhere she wants.  I know she's in a better place, in a meadow with other pets.  Healthy and strong, full of energy as she bounds in the sun happy to be free of her failed and frail body.

I'm going to pick up her stuff...and I know I'm going to bawl.  I'll leave her cup out though. (yes, she drank out of cup)  But her IV bag, old litter boxes...her meds and old food...it's time.  I'm going to keep her bed and dishes.

God I miss you Delenn.  I know I'll see you again.  That's why we never said good bye.  Just...see you soon.  I love you my sweet Delenn.
Stephen "Riceman" Myers
"The greatest tribute one can give a loved one is to share their life and stories with others."

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Sasha_RIP
I'm sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose your little friend because there are constant reminders. Connecting to this website helped a lot because you realize you're not alone in your grief.
Sasha's Mom
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ricemanstm
Thanks Sasha.  I know I'd be in really bad shape if I hadn't found this site.  Thank God....and thank you. :-)
Stephen "Riceman" Myers
"The greatest tribute one can give a loved one is to share their life and stories with others."

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jimmy17
So sorry, the first few weeks are so very hard, I found I sometimes even forgot Jim was no longer here and I`d still pull his basket out from under our bed for him, or even just to see where he was in the house.  I suppose that we are so used to doing things, that for a while our brains keep telling us to do them.  
 Like you, I also believe Delenn`s in a better place, restored to the youthful girl she was, just as our Jim has swapped his weary little body for the madcap puppy he was.   
 Just know you are not alone here, everyone is so very kind and caring.
                                                              Jackie
J Taylor
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Baumert81
yes the first couple weeks are awful. It has been 1 month today since my buddy went to the bridge. I left for work for the first time today without going to his grave behind the garage. I know he is with me and not in his fur suit anymore. Hang in there man.
Hogans Daddy
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ricemanstm
I opted to have her cremated and I'm just waiting for her ashes to come home.  I don't know where I'm going to put them yet, but someplace where she can keep watch on us and the house.  I really miss her.  I wish she could have crossed at home but I just couldn't let her suffer, but at least her ashes will be home.  I think what I hate is when I stop to think about her in the middle of work...I have to remind myself that she's not at home anymore...then I start crying again.  Dammit...
Stephen "Riceman" Myers
"The greatest tribute one can give a loved one is to share their life and stories with others."

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ricemanstm
Then again...fasting before a blood test isn't helping.  I can't even have coffee... :-S
Stephen "Riceman" Myers
"The greatest tribute one can give a loved one is to share their life and stories with others."

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BeachieGirl33
I feel so bad for you as I know exactly how you feel.  It's a little over 5 weeks for me.  My Little drank out of a cup also but at the end I switched to a tall glass so he wouldn't have to bend down as far.  That glass and his litter box are still in the bathroom.  He wouldn't eat but he did drink his water.  I think that's what kept him alive after he stopped eating.  The nights are worse for me since Little slept with me every night and when it was cold he slept under the covers - he was always cold natured and loved to lay in the sun.  I still can't sleep in my bed  - his blanket is still on the bed.  My husband sleeps there and says he can feel Little but I just can't go back there yet.  His box, candles, picture and memorials are in the bedroom on top of his stove heater.  That's where he left to go to Rainbow Bridge.  We had a vet to come and help him to go.  So he was in his bed in front of his favorite spot - in front of his stove heater.  When he left I turned it off and will probably never turn it on again.  The vet lit a candle and we have been burning them ever since.  My husband lights Little's candle before he goes to work.  That's where I have been really fortunate.  My husband has been as devastated as I am and we are both having a really hard time.  We lost our other baby, Batman, on May 28, 2014.  He would sit outside and hold Batman for hours.  The only thing he would eat was chicken tenders from Bojangles with the breading taken off.  He had kidney failure and passed away on his own in my arms.  I was hoping Little would go on his own too but he wouldn't let go.  I think because of me.  He had cancer and his kidneys were failing.  Batman was 13 and Little had just turned 18.  I know I had them for a long time and they lived a good and exciting life, traveling with us, but that doesn't make it any easier.  We talk about Little all the time and cry every day for him.  My husband calls me everyday to see how my day is and most of the time I have been crying.  I just miss him so much and it hurts so bad.  My heart is broken. 

All this being said, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to take away from your space here.  This is your spot to grieve.  Just wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings.  Wish I could tell you that it gets easier but it doesn't.  In a way, it's harder now, 5 weeks later, than at the beginning - sorry to tell you that.  The reality sets in that they are really gone and not coming back.  I wish I had taken Little on a patrol of the house like you did with your baby.  Even though he was so sick he still didn't like to be held for long.  But he was in the bedroom that he loved so much so I guess it's ok.  I hope you are starting to find some peace  and my prayers go out to you.  Maybe you will make more progress than I have - I hope so because I don't wish this pain and sadness on anyone. 

I know our babies are at the Rainbow Bridge - finally they are well and running free with the Angels. 

Later...

Betty







 
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ricemanstm
Betty, this isn't my space.  This is everyone's space and I'm honored you shared that with me.  I think my praying for others is helping me get through this.  Knowing I'm not alone gives me a little comfort.  I light candles for Delenn and my phone is filled with pictures of her.

I got mad at myself the other night because, for the life of me, I'd forgotten what her voice sounded like...I couldn't believe it.  16 years and as hard as I tried...I couldn't here her anymore.  Then as I was going through the pictures on my phone...I found a video that I'd made back in November.  I was boxing with her and low and behold...there it was...her beautiful voice...granted she was annoyed...but I could tell she was having fun.

I broke down in joy.
Stephen "Riceman" Myers
"The greatest tribute one can give a loved one is to share their life and stories with others."

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BeachieGirl33
OK thank you.  I have pictures but no videos and I have been beating myself up about that.  So you are lucky about that.  Peace.
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Sadiesmom061308
I agree the first couple of weeks are awful. Your Delenn knows how much she was loved. I hope you can find some peace. Sending healing prayers
Tammy
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