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Bearloyal
Christina, I live in Arlington, TX.  I even had proof of her rabies shots and they told me it didn't matter.  I was looking up the statistics on that animal shelter and the odds are not good.  For every three animals that go through those doors at least two are euthanized. 
I remember there was a sweet tiny nappy little dog there available for adoption and she saw how much I was crying when I had to sign my rights away to my dog and pay for her euthanasia fee and she wanted to come to me and she wanted me to pick her up and take her home. 
The cold hard truth is that I would have taken her home on the spot if I wasn't so devastated.
My grief is hitting me every day this week, in short spurts, about two or three minutes at a time where the emotions are so overwhelming that I have to cry or turn into a pit of nothing.
At least three times a day I cry. 
I can't imagine moving on with my life and living out another fifty years without her. 
My boyfriend is real sweet and he knows how hard this is for me.  I went from being able to control my emotions all th etime, keeping thoughts and feelings to myself, only vocalizing them outloud when I was asked because he doesn't have to know every single crazy thought that goes through my mind.  Bear was a great outlet and would let me talk and talk and cry and cry and just lay there and let me hold her when I was going through rough times and now that she's gone I don't have that anymore.  And with her being gone, I am having a harder time controlling my other emotions and I vocalize quite often now how little things annoy me now and I've told him how I really feel about his teenage kids and how I don't like how they treat and snub my daughter. 
I used to keep all of that to myself, I used to not even let it bother me that much, but now everything bothers me, everything makes me upset or angry.  I have such a short temper now and its frustrating because I know this isn't the person I want to be.  Its not good for my relationship and its not good for our kids. 

Thank you all for the replies, I find comfort coming here and talking about my thoughts.  It helps to come here instead of going to my boyfriend all the time. 

Surreysmom, I am so sorry to hear about your Rhodesian ridgeback.  That was my second worst fear was that I would have to put Bear down when that time came.  I always secretly hoped she would pass away in her sleep or due to forces beyond my control. 
Casey
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Bearloyal
HONEY AND KATIE 2009.jpg 
Casey
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Burl_B
Prayers Bearloyal and all the others missing their fur babies.
Katy Lou, you will forever be in my heart.  Until we meet again.  Daddy loves and misses you so much.  You are daddys daughter.
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SurreysMom
Thank you Bearloyal. Its been 15 days and still very rough going. Miss my little girl so much. This forum is a great support and very helpful to know others are feeling the same about their furbabies. Mornings are toughest. I wake feeling so agitated and lost without her. Work is a blessing right now as it gets me out of this empty house for many hours each day during the week. Miss her so much when I come home. One helpful thing I saw on here and started doing is write to her in a journal.
Will check back soon
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Bearloyal
I saw Bear out of the corner of my eye last night.  And the night prior I had good dreams about her and that she was getting along with our dog Daisy (the same dog she had a fight with on that fateful day).

Coming here is helpful as when I am having a rough day or a random thought, I can write it out here.  Ultimately I am aware that we are all going through the grief and no one's grief is greater than anothers. 

My girl has been gone for just over two months now.  It feels like a life time.

My fear is that I will learn to live on without her or that I will love another dog equally or just as much as I loved her.  I don't ever want to forget her.  She was such a phenomenal and integral piece of my life.  I wish there was a way for me to tell her that.  I wish I knew if she could understand human. LOL.

I'm starting to forget details about that day when I lost her.  When I had to sign her life away. 

I just made myself remember and I started tearing up all over again.  Not a good idea to come here while I am at work but I can't concentrate. 

This stuff is pretty ruff.
Casey
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SurreysMom
I just wanted to share this pic of my Surrey girl. This was three years ago with a friends baby. The baby was so fascinated with Surrey and so at ease with her it was amazing . Also you can see that my Surrey's smile was pretty amazing too. Thanks for letting me share....
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Bearloyal
You can tell she was a happy girl!  You should post more pictures if you can.  Part of what helped me through the grief and still does is to look up pictures of what they look like when they were puppies.
Casey
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SurreysMom
Thank you yes she was a very happy girl and loved everyone. If you look at her chest you can see a heart- my sweetheart for sure. This was her favorite spot to sit outside. And another one with the baby- I told her to give the baby kisses and of course she did . She was very smart for sure . Thanks for listening....
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Bearloyal
Your girl is beautiful.  She reminds me so much of Bear just looking at her.  I am curious as to what signs you had to look for when you knew it was time to put her down.  Our dog Daisy (German Sheperd) has hip dysplasia and when I barely touch her hind end her legs collapse underneath her.  Not sure if this is a sign of pain or if she just can't feel her legs as well as she used to.  She's still walking around but it appears that it hurts her or that she is having a difficult time walking.  I fear we will have to put her down sometime in the near future as well when her legs stop working.  Its a shame because she's so alert and smart, you can tell she's fully competent mentally.  It makes me sad seeing our fur babies go before their time.

I realized I hardly got any pictures of my dog Bear either.  I maybe have twenty photos total of her over eight years.  I regret that.  I need to take pictures of Daisy too considering what limited time we will have with her now.
Casey
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Bearloyal
Honey & Katie - Pajamas.jpg 
Casey
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EM
Your story is very compelling and your pictures are truly beautiful. Keep the faith. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
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SurreysMom
SurreysMom wrote:
Thank you. Bear is adorable too. Looks very sweet. I knew it was time because over last several months she was having trouble going up and down stairs. It would be bad for few days then resolve. The last week got very bad. Could not do stairs and was having trouble even standing up. She wouldnt get up to go out and was just going where she was lying. To get her up I had to lift her by her bottom and even then her legs kept giving out. It was no way for her to live. Maybe being a nurse it was instinct too but I just knew she was at her end. The last week she went downhill very quickly. I think she had that degenerative myelopathy. Had all the same symptoms. One thing with Surrey though is she still ate right up till the end. But she always loved to eat. My one regret is not having any videos of her. Have alot of pics but never thought to take video :(

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