jacquinoelle
I lost my Angelena Jolie on Monday, July 21st, only 20 days after her 12th birthday. I usually don't do chat rooms or forums, but I feel like I need some kind of grief support because I have never felt this level of pain before in my life. So here goes our story:
My husband and I "adopted" Angi in May of 2006, just a few short months after we got married. She was the dog of my brother-in-law's girlfriend. But the moment I saw her, I felt an instant bond. She was the cutest freaking dog I had EVER seen. Black and White, 5 lbs, tiny little nose. She was an Imperial Shihtzu. Anyway, the woman had had her for two years as a "replacement" dog after her shihtzu died of cancer. She was trying to find Angie and new family because she couldn't take care of her anymore, what with my brother-in-law's terminal illness. I said "I'll take her!" Immediately my husband was angry with me. We didn't need a dog! Especially a little one! We already had a cat and two sugar gliders. I was in big trouble. The day we picked her up was tense. We referred to ourselves as Uncle and Aunt to little Angi. I remember coming home the next day SO excited to play with her and I promised I would take her out every day. The next nine years are a blur of happy times, moves to new cities, new jobs, new homes, deaths, losses, and the very special birth of our first daughter last year. The only constant was my Angi. We even got rid of the cat once the baby came along. But my little Angi was my first baby, and oh did we treat her like one! She even came on family vacations whenever we weren't flying.
I had always hoped that my daughter's first word would be "Angi" and they would be best friends. Well, when she learned to talk she couldn't exactly say "Angi", but that's okay because her first word was "BOB" which was our nickname for Angi and we probably called her Bob more than Angi in these last few years anyway. They had a special relationship and it breaks my heart that my daughter won't get to see her best friend every day. I am not going to lie, there was some jealousy and a few bites on Angi's end, but my daughter didn't care. It was the most precious thing I had ever seen to see them interact every day. I will always and forever cherish that time.
Monday was busy, but not hectic. I remember seeing Angi sitting in a baby chair - one of her new favorite places. When I ate lunch, she came to tell me she was hungry, too. And thirsty. Then later in the day, my sister was coming over to visit and was bringing an old friend who wanted to see my daughter. I briefly walked outside on the balcony to throw the gate keys. Now, Angi rarely went out on our third floor balcony. She was scared of many things and I think heights must have been one. But for some reason that day she snuck out and all I can think is she must have hid behind the door because I didn't see her. I didn't hear her bark or cry. In fact, when my sister came inside I closed the door to my bedroom because I didn't want Angi to bark at her friend. I assumed Angi was in the bedroom because that's where she spent her afternoon. A few hours later, it was time to get ready for bed and take Angi out. That's when we couldn't find her. We looked in all of her hiding spots we called her name and then panic set in. I looked at the door and something in me just knew...
My dog, my love, my life, had died. I don't know how - although we are assuming a heart attack until we get the autopsy. She had medical issues and just two weeks ago I spent $640 at the vet to get a lot of tests done on her. My heart is broken into a million pieces and I don't know if it will ever heal. I can't even look at her things. My sister has her bed and her favorite toy. We moved her favorite rug. I can't even open the cabinet for her food or wash the clothes I wore the last time I held her.
Will time heal this? I have to go on as I have a husband, a daughter and a job, but right now I can't do anything but cry. And write.
Thank you for listening.
Jacquinoelle
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traut21
I am sorry for your loss. It is very hard to lose a constant companion and friend such as Angi. It definitely takes time to heal and I'm Just past 3 weeks since I lost my chihuahua Midgee. Of course I am still healing and still have bad moments. No matter how hard it is now to look at don't throw away her items. You can hide them or pack them up to help if it hurts to see them but you can't get them back if you throw them out. Also, look for local pet loss groups. A local humane society or shelter likely has some resources. Talking and listening to others going through similar situations can help the healing process. The chat room on this site is manned by volunteers in the evenings and that has helped me on several occasions. Soon you can start being thankful for the time you did have with her as opposed to the constant sadness you feel without her. Grief does comes in waves and it is the price we pay for loving our buddies as much as we do. However, I wouldn't have given up my short time with Midgee to avoid the pain I'm in now. The happiness clearly outweighs the sadness. Finding your new normal will take time and it sucks. Try to find some solace in the fact that you will see her again and she still lives on because she owns a piece of your heart. I found this saying but can't remember the source. God bless are little buddies! Take care.

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will become dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are." 
For my wonderful Midgee, the best friend I've ever had. You will live in my heart until we meet again!
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jacquinoelle
Thank you. I am sorry for your loss, too. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. You are right, I can't throw away her items. Her bowls, her food, her shampoos, her pretty clothes that she hasn't really worn in the past few years because she started to become fragile and I felt guilty dressing her up. I wouldn't even put a collar on her anymore. I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible.

My heart breaks for all of us who have to come to post on this board, but I am glad I found it and that you can relate to the immense pain and loss my husband and I feel. I just wish I could turn back time...
Jacquinoelle
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traut21
I agree. Hardest thing I can remember. I wish I could have more time with her too. However, I then remind myself that no time would be enough time other than forever. The forever will come at the end when we meet again! I can't imagine how joyous the reunion will be!
For my wonderful Midgee, the best friend I've ever had. You will live in my heart until we meet again!
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