When I lost my darling cat Monty over two weeks ago I was heartbroken and still am...but now I am trying to fill my thoughts with the lovely memories we had with him and there were so many.

My problem is that I have taken the news of my darling boy passing far harder then I did my when my Mother passed...yet I did love my Mother...and I do not know why.

I feel so terrible...we knew my Mother was going to die and with Monty I knew he was getting old as he was a Maine Coon who's life span are around 12 and he was going into his sixteenth year and the last week he just got more lethargic and sleeping more and then his breathing changed to the point of him finding it hard...the vet said the kindest thing was to let him pass...we could not be with him because of Covid-19...but the vet said they would cuddle him and tell him how much we loved him.

We had him cremated and he is home with us once again...but I feel like am I right to feel more for him than my Mother...or is it because time has passed and I have forgotten those feeling of my Mum.

My daughter has had to shield with the virus and the great thing was Monty's last three months he was never at one time on his own(not that he was much anyway) and he loved the constant attention.

Am I a bad person?
Ellen Hague
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I was very close to my mother and she passed away in hospice care in 2011. I remember being very devastated although most of the sad traumatic memories I've managed to repress, sometimes they come to surface but I will them away.

When my soulmate Beck died last year, I cried twice as much. I felt guilty too but Beck was my best friend, I saw him everyday, I took care of him, I hugged him everyday. He was the last thing I saw leaving the house and the first thing when I returned. He would even give me "goodbye" kisses - he would wait by the door when he knew I was almost ready to leave for work. I would pick him up and he would lick my face. 

The two relationships are very different so the way we grieve will be too. I don't think it's anything to feel bad about. I don't feel guilty anymore. My mom knew how much Beck meant to me ten years ago. He was also there for me through her sickness and death. He would wake me up with his familiar meow when I would get sleep paralysis. I think his death may have hit me harder too because of that, and because of prior loss it was sort of a layered grief. 

Maybe you are feeling something similar too. Sorry for the loss of your Monty and enjoy those lovely memories he has left behind for you.
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of ones soul remains unawakened” ~ Anatole France
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Thank you for your are was Monty first thing in the morning I saw...first thing when I got in from work and Monty who slept with me at night.

Monty also saw us through hard times that life throws at us and he would be the one that comforted us...and if we ever went out for a short while we could see Monty sitting on the back of the sofa waiting for us to return...such precious memories.

Thank you for your words of comfort and hearing about Beck...and also for your lovely saying by Anatole France which is so very true.
Ellen Hague
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