ok...so it has been 4 weeks now since my dogs passing. after the fiasco of the vet clinic and them temporarily loosing his ashes, I did get them. so after having the ashes for a couple weeks I had the strength to look at them. ok...I am beating around the bush. My husband thought he would adjust my dogs collar to fit the ash tin. I wasn't thinking at the time. maybe I still aint. so I removed the collar to open up the tin and just got really upset. I wanted the collar to be the exact size of how he wore it. So I frantically tried to adjust the collar to what I think it was. I am crying my eyes out. why I am so upset? sounds silly but it hurts so much. I know my husband did that because he was just trying to help. I guess I didn't realize it would put me over the edge. I am so mad. please help me get through this.
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It's not silly at all. I believe it's part of the grieving process. Everything is still so fresh, and raw. I am not sure what happened with the vet as I didn't see that post but losing the ashes? OMG I would be out of my mind. So not only do you have the death, you have the panic of the ashes being lost for that time. That's going to send anyone over the edge.

So you finally get them, and I get it about the collar. I think we all have these little things we need to be consistent, we rely on that to make ourselves feel better. A little ritual, still having something the same before they died. It gives us some comfort. So you needed that collar to be untouched, but it was. I don't think you are "wacked" but also - maybe it's not the collar specifically but just another thing you needed to be the same, to rely on, that's now not there. We reach out for anything we can that will keep things feeling like we have that connection. I keep wishing I had more pics of myself with Winnie, or that I'd done this or that or had this or that. I think it's because it helps us still feel connected to our babies.

But I tell myself I could have all the pics or trinkets in the world, it is still the same, she's gone but it also won't change that she was a huge part of my life, an amazing part, and I gave her a wonderful life and that is what matters.

I do hope you are OK and will feel better, I know with time it helps. Hang in there.
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You are not wacked! My first thought was that is cute to put the collar around the ashes. Thinking, it belongs to him and stays with him. Then reading how upset the collar adjustment made you, I understand why it would. Usually the collars are indented a little. I hope you can find it and can adjust it back. It is just so hard. These things that seem to flood our eyes with tears are more about the extreme loss we are feeling from losing that unconditional love. I know I go through periods of straight anger. Then I just cry. You are not alone...
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There is nothing 'wacked' about wanting to keep some things of his just the way they were. It helps ground us.

We have a chair/stepstool in our kitchen. It easily fits under the table, out of the way. But I keep it pulled out and sideways because that was Tabitha's chair. Her favorite spot. I keep it out, even though it gets in the way, like she just went to get a drink of water or something and will be back any minute. I can't imagine doing anything different and feel upset if my wife pushes it in  and pull it back out.

So don't worry. Something I read said that feeling a little 'crazy' at times is just part of the grieving process. Find those little things like that  that feel like he's still here, they'll help. tchair.jpg 
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I didn't vacuum my carpet or apartment for over a month....I was very upset that I would be vacuuming up her hair and she was no longer there to shed more.   I have to get a new car and the thought of a new car with no hair from Bridie in it gets me very upset.   When I got back from the vet that day there were claw marks in the carpet from her and I did my best to step around them for days. I wanted to keep those claw marks forever.  
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