AnnieBirdseed
I can't believe this.  Yesterday was five months that Purrfect has been gone.  I love that cat
with all my heart and can't get him out of my head, in fact, I don't WANT to get him out of mu
head and I live for the moments when it feels like he's here.  Whenever I lie down to sleep,
for a nap or for the night, whatever, I always take a tiny piece of one of the grooming wipes
I used to use to keep my pretty boy nice and fresh.  Funny, I didn't really like the scent that
much but now I cherish it.  When I close my eyes and smell that scent as I drift off to sleep,
it feels like he's here with me, well, almost.  I have just about come to terms with it, that losing
this animal friend was different somehow and I am never really going to get over it.  It isn't
possible.  I will always love him and I will never forget him.  He was a wonderful cat.
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harmonica
Hi Annie,

 I hit the 3 month anniversary yesterday. I am in exactly the same place as you. It seems like its been a year. I haven't even been on the chats.  I finally got a locket and I wear it everyday with both of my dogs faces who died in them. Just when I think I am starting to move on, it comes out of nowhere, the sadness like it just happened, then I realize, its the anniversary of his death. I don't consciously think about it. But I sleep with his blanket every night. Still haven't washed it. I went to the forest today and I really felt him there. Then I realized, it was the last place I took him before he died. It made me so happy to have done that for him as he loved the forest, and it is probably why I feel him when I go there.  I should go everyday who knows maybe he is waiting in there to see me everyday.

The loneliness is killing me, even though I am very busy, so I went to the PetSmart animal adoption to help out.  They want me to foster one, but I just couldn't do it. They all were so similar to my Spike as it was Chihuahua mix day. My Spike is letting me know he is here.  I told my neighbor she could bring her dog over and I would watch him in the mornings as he has separation anxiety.  I sure hope my Spikey doesn't think I am replacing him and his little spirit leaves my home. I know that sounds crazy. But his memory is all I have. I completely understand how you feel Annie.

Lisa
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catman13
Hi Annie and Lisa. It has been almost 3 weeks since I lost my cat Grady. The last couple of days have been really rough since I have been off from work with little to do. This free time allows me to think too hard about how I lost Grady so suddenly and unexpectedly while wondering was there any symptom I could have missed. This, coupled with how much I loved him and miss him has made the pain worse. I still have another cat, but he has none of the personality that Grady had, although I love him just as much. Ironically Lisa, I started feeding a stray black cat I found literally dying in my back yard one year ago this month. He is in my garage as I type this. I don't think Grady was too fond of him and I wonder if his spirit is near, would Grady be offended and jealous. I find myself looking and listening for a sign that Grady is well in a new form and will understand since he was once a stray. The funny thing is that the night before Grady died, he wanted much attention. Thankfully, I gave it to him. I stroked and held him as I told him not to worry about the other cat since he could never be replaced. I feel that he understood me. I had no idea we were saying goodbye too each other since this was his last night on earth. I found Grady dead the next day when I went to feed him. His body was still warm and flexible and his eyes were still open. I had just missed him before he departed. Just when I feel I am getting over Grady's death, something will make me think of him and I grow sad all over again. I was going through some things and found pictures of Grady that I did not remember taking when I first took him off the streets. It was as if a knife had cut me deeply looking at these. Memories of Grady are all I have too.
Rodney Lee
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AnnieBirdseed
Hi Lisa

Your Spikey will never leave you or the home where he lived with you.  He knows you love him and
that if you could have him instead of any other dog in the world, you would.  But he doesn't want you
to be sad or lonely either, just like you would want him to have people to love him if you couldn't
be there.  So when you're ready, you get another doggie in Spikey's honor.  Meanwhile, spending
a little time with your neighbor's dog will help the poor frightened little dog and help heal your broken
heart.  There's one thing I know, and that is that love never dies.  It may take other shapes or come
to us in different ways, but it never disappears completely.  Spikey will always be with you just like
my Purrfect is always in my heart.  I miss him so fiercely sometimes, I could almost die from it.  One
of the most comforting things I have found to do is to take one of the groom wipes I used to use to
clean him with as their scent reminds me of him.  When I fall asleep, I keep it right near my face and
very quickly I am falling asleep feeling like he's with me again.  I will always love him and I will never
forget him.  He knows that.  Just like your darling Spikey knows.  He will never leave you.  His spirit
is a part of your spirit now.  I pray he comes to visit you in gentle dreams to comfort you and relieve
your heartbreak at losing him.  God bless you.
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catman13
By the way Annie, Purrfect resembles the cat I have been feeding. I have not given him a name since I find myself not wanting to get too attached to him. When I let him out at night, he never leaves far from my house.
Rodney Lee
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harmonica
AnnieBirdseed wrote:
Hi Lisa

Your Spikey will never leave you or the home where he lived with you.  He knows you love him and
that if you could have him instead of any other dog in the world, you would.  But he doesn't want you
to be sad or lonely either, just like you would want him to have people to love him if you couldn't
be there.  So when you're ready, you get another doggie in Spikey's honor.  Meanwhile, spending
a little time with your neighbor's dog will help the poor frightened little dog and help heal your broken
heart.  There's one thing I know, and that is that love never dies.  It may take other shapes or come
to us in different ways, but it never disappears completely.  Spikey will always be with you just like
my Purrfect is always in my heart.  I miss him so fiercely sometimes, I could almost die from it.  One
of the most comforting things I have found to do is to take one of the groom wipes I used to use to
clean him with as their scent reminds me of him.  When I fall asleep, I keep it right near my face and
very quickly I am falling asleep feeling like he's with me again.  I will always love him and I will never
forget him.  He knows that.  Just like your darling Spikey knows.  He will never leave you.  His spirit
is a part of your spirit now.  I pray he comes to visit you in gentle dreams to comfort you and relieve
your heartbreak at losing him.  God bless you.


Thank you Annie I really need to hear this. I had bad dreams that I left him at the hospital last night. I don't usually have these dreams and last night was the worst night I have had since he died. I can't believe how much pain there still is and then....it will just all go away. He was with me continually so the abandonment issues in the dream are relevant. It's just that I never thought I would go through it like this. I haven't cried in a month, then last night, back to square one with intense grieving and wanting him back so bad. There is a woman across the street whose dog is always barking in the house because he is alone and she just leaves him there and its not helping me either. Every time I see a dog whining when their owner goes away it brings up terrible pain for me.  I realize now also that this only seems to happen on anniversaries. Its like his memory is lodged in my body lie a post traumatic response. I am just dealing with it, and I truly believe that this death has been a life transforming event. When my other dog died, Spike was there to help me.  I had much less pain. But I have consciously chosen a different path to try and heal this time but its much harder. I may have to get another dog for Christmas or something, I just don't know. Everyone says when you are ready, you will know. But then I think I never want  another dog. Its very weird the feelings I have. Thanks for your loving words as you have 2 months more than I do. I already feel like it has been so long. I wonder how I will feel after a year.  I was in such denial at first. 

Catman I have to say that what you went through may have been a little more traumatic than me as even though my dog died a slow suffocating death with pneumonia, I didn't wake up to find him dead and still warm. I took him to the hospital and gave him oxygen, I never watched him get put down and I never picked him up so I know why I have that guilt but he has told me he is definitely okay. I have heard too that our sadness is hard for them so I am working on healing that. I want him to be around me because of my happiness over his memory. I guess its why Im not rushing into buying a dog. My heart goes out to you, you need time 3 weeks is not enough. Im at 3 months and still a mess. Take Care
Lisa
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