WasADogInAFormerLife
Dear Souls who have lost their dearest loves and friends, I find myself back on here after 9 months. I have just decided that I will never "get over" losing my rescue beagle that overcame so much cruelty and neglect, worked so so hard to become part of our family of three and when he finally got healthy, took in the love (he did not even know how to go for a walk), died of cancer. I only got three years with him...I guess I am having a "relapse"...I took the "last dog" I have, who is now the only one and lonely (the pom in the photo, and no I am not getting another dog), to the vet yesterday only to see a giant beagle pillow in the window of the vet's office. You know, they take a photo and make it into a pillow? A giant beagle face that looked just like TheeAdore sitting in the window...It took my breath away and reminded me that it was at this same place the vet came out last summer, his face white, to tell me my TheeAdore had cancer in every organ of his body and "I have no idea how even can even stand up" but TheeAdore was rallying for me, for us. He didn't want to die. His P1010232rainbowbridge.jpg  euthanasia was sloppy, he cried out in pain and I did not get to him in time to hold his head....And there is that giant beagle pillow in the window. More than anything, it was unfair, his dying, his life. That he would die so tragically after learning to become more than a "breeder male" in a puppy mill which is why he didn't even know how to go for a walk...Today, it has broken open. I cannot get out of bed. I cannot stop thinking about his cry to me when he was dying and I was in the corner sobbing...I know I will never "get over" it. We don't have the flu! I hate that expression regarding grief...so thank you for giving me a place to write this. Be gentle with yourselves because this is a really tough thing. Thank you.




VM
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gizmomybaby
I understand I dont think I will fully get over losen my son either x its amazing what you did for Theodore showing him love and what life was realy about , I hate puppy mills I hate people that use animals for their own greed and gain . You saved Theodore, am so sorry your having a bad time . Its the worst pain I have ever felt in my life , my son had cancer too , the thoughts play havoc with your head and I think it makes it worse if there is a worse . I try to put in my head my boy isnt in pain the pain Iam left with and is happy playing with all of our other baby's and waiting for me to come back home to be with him . I wish I could help you more am so sorry . Letting it out on here and knowing your not alone weer with you here on this one from the bottom of my hart , I dont think most of us fully recover , keeping you in my prayers and sending you hugs at this time x Annemarie candy gizmo xx
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gizmomybaby
I hope your pom baby is ok and well & what beautiful baby's xxx
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Murrcat
When you have those "can't get out of bed" days,  WasADogInAFormerLife, let yourself spend a little time consoling yourself, then get out and do something really small. Maybe something right there in the room like put those socks away that are sitting on the dresser or hang up that belt on the chair. Then get back into bed and give yourself some more time. Repeat a small activity after a while. After a few cycles, you should be able to do slightly larger activities. With some luck, and some pain that you'll have either way, you should be able to progress to at least getting out of bed.

Warm wishes for all you did for the rescue beagle to give him a good life while you could.
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catiebee
VM, it sounds like you got swamped by the hugest wave of grief when you saw that pillow. I am soooo sorry for how fresh your grief feels all over again.

What an beautiful name you gave TheeAdore and so very clever. He was a gorgeous boy!

I so hope today is a little better, a bit easier for you emotionally. I hate that you have so many new tears and that your heart's torn up. Sending you condolences, warm thoughts and hugs. Write as much as you need to about him and about how you're feeling, how you're doing. Your pain matters and I hope some relief is on the horizon for you.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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WasADogInAFormerLife
Thanks to all. It is funny how grief is...at first when I saw the pillow, I got angry with the vet, as if they should KNOW how it affects me! How can they have that thing in the lobby? A lot of anger except for the fact that it isn't about me, they have hundreds of owners and their dogs, they likely do not even remember. The lobby was crowded...Still, I wanted to throw it, hide, it, stomp on it...but there it is, my grief, back to the surface...and all over a pillow.

Thank you,

Was A Dog
VM
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SirRobyn0
It was two years ago last February since my Lucy went to the rainbow bridge.  I was closer to that dog than any other, and closer than some people.  For me the one year mark was tough, by the second year, for me at least it has become easier to remember the good times.  Like you I will never "get over" Lucy, and you should not expect to "get over" TheeAdor.  Instead try to think of it differently.  Remember that TheeAdor, had three wonderful years with you, because of you.  You were able to give that Beagle, who knew nothing about being a family dog 3 wonderful years.  That is a wonderful thing and something you should not forget, is the good that you did for him, and the fun times.  If he had gone to someone else he might not have had those three years, and the training I know you gave him.  He is on the Rainbow bridge now and is no longer in pain.  Many years from now when the time is right you will be reunited with him, in the mean time remember the good times and try to let go of the bad.  You know that's what he has already done.  I know what you said, but I'm asking you not to close the door, consider the possibility that there my come a time when adopting another dog maybe a good thing.

Take Care,
Rob

Lucy's dog Daddy forever.

It is better to have loved your fur baby, and lost him or her to the rainbow bridge than to have never loved at all, for we will meet again.


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Purzel
VM,
I am so sorry to see you feel this way. I fully agree with what Rob just wrote there. You showed TheeAdore how wonderful it is to be loved and you did so for three years. You never failed him not even the moment he left this world - instead you helped him to be free from any suffering. He knew you were there with him. You see, I thought I could tell Max all kinds of wonderful things the moment we let him go, kinda like in the film "Marley and I" but I could not say anything and Max was gone within a nano-second.

We are all here for you
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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LovingPatches
Dear WasADogInAFormerLife,
I am so very sorry to hear your story and continued suffering.  How devastating to hear your sweet TheeAdore cry out on top of having to put him down.  Horrible.  I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.  I lost my very best friend in the world, Patches, last July and feel like I will never recover from it, although some days are better than others. Lots and lots of tears still, even while typing this.  Apart from missing him too much to bear, I too have a lot of guilt and even more pain from the decision to euthanize him, and his reaction to me when it seemed like he understood what was going to happen to him.  He totally turned his back on me.  To me it seemed like he felt like he had no choice in the matter.  Animals probably don't reason that way, but it sure felt like it, and the guilt and some of the things he did before he died will forever haunt me.  So I do totally understand your intense feelings of grief even months later.  I did have a photo pillow made of my baby so that I have something to hug.  I, too, will not be getting another pet.  To me, adopting a pet is a lifetime commitment, and at this point in my life, I can't afford to have an expensive illness come up and then have to give him up due to finances, much more having to put him down because of it.  I don't even want to chance that - plus, I never want to have to make that horrible decision again for a pet that doesn't seem ready psychologically to go, bright and interactive to the end, but physically collapsing while trying to walk.  

I hope you will find some solace in the fact that you gave him a wonderful home and lots of love.  Please be gentle with yourself . . . and take however much time you need to get your feet back under you.

Diane

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WasADogInAFormerLife
Thanks to all for the compassion and stories of your own lost loves. Your story about Patches is touching and how I know the difficulty, the agony...he was truly adorable.  I like too your down to earth and sensible decision regarding getting another pet. So many people say to me, "get another rescue beagle" but they are not items out of catalog, one to be exchanged for the other. They were unique living beings and they leave a mark on our heart....How much loss can one person take? I have lost quite a few dogs now throughout my lifetime, each one devastating. I don't know...but I appreciate your realistic perspective. Thanks too for letting 'meet' little Patches. He is in my heart now too.

Virginia and Zola
VM
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WasADogInAFormerLife
Max. What a face! What a darling! Thank you for telling me about your expectations when he died--yes, we will hold them,cuddle them, say we are sorry...but then in a nanosecond...an act of mercy. For me, an act of hell and unbearable sadness.

He was wonderful. I can tell by that sweet sweet face.

Thanks for your compassion,

Virginia and Zola ("the last dog")
VM
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WasADogInAFormerLife
gizmomybaby wrote:
I hope your pom baby is ok and well & what beautiful baby's xxx


Thank you.

V and Z
VM
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WasADogInAFormerLife
catiebee wrote:
VM, it sounds like you got swamped by the hugest wave of grief when you saw that pillow. I am soooo sorry for how fresh your grief feels all over again.

What an beautiful name you gave TheeAdore and so very clever. He was a gorgeous boy!

I so hope today is a little better, a bit easier for you emotionally. I hate that you have so many new tears and that your heart's torn up. Sending you condolences, warm thoughts and hugs. Write as much as you need to about him and about how you're feeling, how you're doing. Your pain matters and I hope some relief is on the horizon for you.


Thank you!

Virginia and Zola
VM
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Purzel
Virginia,
Thank you for your kind words regarding my beloved Max. And yessss, he had such a sweet face and his soul was just as sweet. But ever so sweet was your TheeAdore. This forum helped me very much in dealing with the loss of my beloved Max, coming to terms with what I feel and the process of grieving and healing. I am very convinced that you will heal a bit more each day over the loss of TheeAdore by just writing about him and the things that hurt your soul. Healing from a devastating loss takes time. You are such a loving person.

My good wishes and thoughts are with you
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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