It’s been almost a year since my loki died. Last night I couldn’t sleep because I kept thinking of all the times I took him to the vet when he was sick before he had myasthenia gravis. Why didn’t any vet see this? Could they have? He was hospitalized once with a fever and dehydration and they never said what he had. He came out fine that time. There were other times too. I feel like it’s my fault still. My husband rescued a poodle mix for our daughter and he is so sweet but I feel guilty being nice to him. I feel guilty petting him. Does it ever go away?
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Hi Loki14,

I am very sorry for all you’ve been through with Loki. I know what it’s like having a sick dog, taking them to the vet and not getting the answers you need. It is very heartbreaking. It’s hard because our pets can’t tell us what they’re feeling, what symptoms they have. Sometimes it takes a serious event to know what is going on. It is unfortunate, but a reality of having pets. You did what you could and that’s all you can expect. To beat yourself up for the unknowns isn’t fair to yourself and ultimately prevents us from moving forward. It keeps us tied to a past situation we had no control over. To let go of that is an important thing to do. Loki doesn’t resent you for this, he never did. His life was in the moment.

That’s wonderful you were able to rescue a poodle! Just remember, this poodle has nothing to do with Loki or what happened to him. Loki was his own self, and had his own place in your life. This new dog will never replace that. His job isn’t as a replacement. He’s just trying to find his own place in life, separately from Loki. To give him love, is to give love in a different way. It does not signify moving on or forgetting Loki. It signifies recognizing an unconnected life that needs a bit of love too. If he finds a place in your heart, it’s in a different chamber from Loki’s. Loki’s place will always be there.

Grief can be a very long process, as you are finding out. But how quickly any guilt we feel goes away depends much on ourselves, on what we allow things to signify to us. Our hearts can condemn us more than what we deserve sometimes, especially in cases like this, where our pets are so dependent on us. But taking a step back, talking to ourselves as we would to someone else who had gone through this situation, can be very helpful.

Hang in there... anniversaries can be rough, but know we’re here for you.
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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Thank you so much for your beautiful words. It helped a lot. I am going to try and celebrate Loki’s memory on his anniversary. His spirit too. Thank you for the support.
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I'm sorry for your loss! Anniversaries bring up so many painful memories for us. Try and remember the good times with your beloved Loki. It's hard to give over your heart to another animal when you still think of Loki but remember that this Rescue poodle deserves to be loved too. His life was most likely not good up to this point but you can change that. It's what Loki would want and when you pat him or play with him tell Loki it is in his honour. I agree with Rileysmom. Loki will always have his own special place in your heart.
In time you will bond and see the wonderful attributes of this dog. You won't want to look back and feel you wasted precious time with him. They are all only with us for a short time unfortunately.
Hugs to you!
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