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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #1 
Three months ago we lost our sweet Daisy to cancer.  She was a beautiful bichon mix that we adopted 9 years ago from a local shelter when she was 2 years old.  She was healthy, energetic, playful and so loving.  Her illness took us completely by surprise.  We thought she had a UTI,  1 week later she could not urinate, days later we learned that it was urinal cancer.  The next day we had to make the unthinkable decision not to let her suffer as her cancer had also spread to surrounding areas. We held her in our arms as she died and as her suffering ended, ours began.  The days, weeks and months without her have been so awful.  At the same time our youngest of three graduated and went off to college, our middle son went back to college as well and our oldest decided to move out.  Our home, once a busy, happy home, is now eerily quietly save for our 13 year old cat's purring.

I knew I wanted to adopt again but every time we got close I would feel so guilty and anxious about welcoming home another little one.  This week, we went to the shelter we adopted Daisy from and met a tiny poodle mix that they said was a bit shy so they were going to let her choose her people.  She took to us right away and after coming to terms with the fact that she was much older than what we wanted (she is 7 years old), several visits and a health check later, we decided to proceed.  She needs to be spayed in a few days, so we will get her after that, but the adoption was finalized.  That was 2 days ago and I have been having so many mixed feelings.  One to run away quickly, make any and every excuse to back out, complete acceptance, fear, anxiety, hope, and still great loss over losing my sweet Daisy.  I know "Pixie" won't be Daisy, I know it will be an adjustment, and that I will grow to love her, but my anxiety is so high right now.  Any hep and advice from those who have walked this path would be much appreciated.

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camunki

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Reply with quote  #2 
I am sorry for the loss of your Daisy...and I know your Pixie will never replace Daisy, however your heart will expand and give this lil' Pixie the love she deserves and the life she never knew existed.

I think we all question about adopting new pets, i did the same thing, i went back and forth for months, and even backed out of an adoption that i was accepted for. I knew i was not ready....but then came the day when I saw a video of Rosalyn on adopt a pet.com and she stole my heart, she was the one. I went thru 3 losses in a 21 month period.....and adopting Rosalyn was the best thing, never to replace my Munki or Daizy....then 8 months after adopting Rosalyn, i lost my last baby Jemma....fast forward four months later, i decided to "foster" a dog named Chuck...and ended up failing...and I adopted him also.

The day i was supposed to pick up Rosalyn, my heart sunk, i felt i was NOT ready, i thought I made a huge mistake, I felt like i was betraying Munki and Daizy............and yes, I went thru every emotion...I wanted to back out even when she was paid for and I was supposed to pick her up. I think we all go thru these feelings, the feeling that we are betraying our other pets who went to heaven. Fear and anxiety will run thru your mind and body, that is normal.....you have to think about your sweet Pixie and the love you will give her and I know too that your Daisy is giving you the ok, to expand your heart and show this sweet Pixie what life, loyalty and love is all about. Never replacing Daisy. And even months down the road you will still have so many flashbacks of your Daisy, you will never stop loving your Daisy, and she knows that. This is a new path that you are on, and your Daisy will always be on your mind, yet having Pixie will expand your heart and take away a bit of the pain. You are doing the right thing.....and yes i too went thru all the anxiety and fear just as you did.  Wishing you the best with your beloved Pixie.



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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #3 
Cam, thank you so much for your advice and guidance. I don't feel so alone and freaked out by my mixed emotions. Yesterday, before I found this forum, my anxiety had me in the car, ready to go to the shelter to back out. After reading so many posts, I began to feel it was normal and to think about Pixie in the shelter waiting for a home of her own again.  How she reacted to me, giving me kisses, nudging for more pets...was she asking me to be her Mom?  I am beginning to look forward to picking her up on Monday after her spay.

How were your first days with Rosalyn?  I know it will be difficult and Pixie will be so confused. How long did it take you two to bond and for her to settle in.  I am worried that Pixie is older and it will take her more time.

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Sil

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Reply with quote  #4 
Lrogers424,

I am truly sorry for your loss of Daisy.  It is terrible that our fur babies suffer from these awful illnesses.  

You and camunki just "wrote exactly, what I was feeling before adopting".  The anxiety, doubt, feeling of betraying, questioning myself - Am I doing the right thing?... and, , coming up with all sorts of "excuses to say No".... and, yes the wanting to just run away.   

But, when, they put Maya, a female puppy in my arms.... my heart "felt so peaceful....and my heart was able to quiet my mind".  Maya has been with us, one year and six days.  And, then out of the blue, a female mixed puppy was found at work..... and, I "just let my heart decide".  Lea is five months and has been with us for eleven days.

Sol, my beloved male doggie "knows" that he is secured in my heart forever. 

But, I believe that our hearts are "big" enough to love once again.
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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #5 
Sil,

Thank you for your kind words of support.  I thought I was going crazy, alone in these mixed emotions, but the voices on this forum have helped calm my nerves.  I can do this.  Like your Sol, my Daisy will never leave my heart. I hope Pixie and I will grow to love and trust each other, she chose me, so I am trusting her instinct. Daisy actually chose my husband, though I was the one spearheading the "let's get a dog" campaign 9 years ago. So it seems fitting that, at the same shelter, this one chose me and felt the rest of the family was pretty good too.

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Sil

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Reply with quote  #6 
Lrogers424,

And, I thought too - "that I was going crazy....with doubt" and alone with these very confusing feelings.  But, I believe that, "we are missing/grieving a beloved pet... and we have all these mixed feeling, when we are about to "bring in" a new pet into our lives.  Daisy is very proud of her Mom.  And, Pixie is just thrilled to have a Mom.   
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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #7 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sil
Daisy is very proud of her Mom.  And, Pixie is just thrilled to have a Mom.


Oh my goodness!! ❤❤ Sil, you said it so perfectly (again).
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #8 
my first days with Rosalyn were wonderful, she literally jumped on me so hard pushing me to the ground and giving me boatloads of kisses on the ground!! and even when I brought her home to my Rotti, Jemma, they bonded instantly...yes I did slow introductions, yet after a few days they were best buddies. And Rosalyn is so loyal and loving to this day. 

When I first brought Rosalyn home, that nite, i still took time to "myself"....I went out for a walk and I was talking aloud to my Munki and Daizy and letting them know how much I love them and thinking of all the precious memories we had. 

And to this day, I always talk to my girls in heaven, letting them know how much they are loved and they always remain in my heart and soul.

Let us know how it goes tomorrow when you pick your forever Pixie up at the shelter, I am sure she will be gracing you with so much love and kisses....and with her knowing she has a forever home!!! And i am sure your Daisy's butt is wiggling up in heaven, knowing you are just giving more love to a precious soul called Pixie.



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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #9 
Thanks Cam, it helped to hear your story about Rosalyn's 1st days. Did not get much sleep last night and this morning i'm doing my best to keep it together. Making matters even more unsettled, my oldest is moving out on friday. I feel like I am at the top of the rollercoaster and no way to get off. I just have to close my eyes and hold on tight.
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #10 
I am so sorry for the loss of your Dailey. I lost my 2 boys one month apart, June 13 and July 13. On August 9th we brought home Toby from the local shelter. Prior to August 9th I had visited the shelter several times but always broke down and thought I would never be able to bring another dog to my house. After a coupe of visits I saw Toby and thought he might be the one. On the two occasion where I went to see Toby I had what I thought to be an anxiety attack on the way to the shelter. My heart was racing, I couldn't catch my breath and I felt like I was betraying Max and Bailey. I actually stopped at a church on the way to the shelter the day I went to pick Toby up because I honestly thought I would pass out from the anxiety. A sense of calm came over me and I knew my boys would want me to give another dog a loving home. Toby has been with me since and it has been an emotional roller coaster for me. He is a very sweet soul and he deserves to be loved but sometimes I can't help have the feeling that I want my boys back. I guess it's normal, but I know one day I will learn to love Toby as much as I love Max and Bailey.
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          Marlen
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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #11 
Oh, Marlen, I cannot imagine losing two so close together...I am so deeply sorry.  Your experiences with anxiety are all too real to me right now.  I cannot sleep, my heart is racing and stomach in knots.  We pick up Pixie tomorrow after her spay and I do not know if I want tomorrow to come soon or never at all.  To do something productive, I went out to buy new dog bed and food & water bowls.  It is making it feel very real.  I am so afraid I won't bond with her or she will not get along with our cat or she will just not adjust to us. Will it just feel like a strange dog in our house?
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #12 
The first two weeks are an adjustment period for all, including Pixie. It’s normal to feel strange and not even know what to do. You’ll see how everything will just fall into place! Congratulations and good luck.
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          Marlen
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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #13 
Pixie's adoption fell apart today.  She was at the vet and they were concerned about doing the spay due to her age and some other concerns.  The shelter was not entirely truthful about her age through the process; advertised as 2, told she was 5 when we met her, then at the final adoption they told definitely 7 because they had her birthday all along. I feel like they may not have been truthful about her health either.  Instead of everything falling into place, it has all fallen apart.  What might have been will be what never was.  I had a wonderful dog for 9 years, maybe I should just be grateful for that.
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #14 
What??? om goodness, I am so sorry about your Pixie and all the problem you had with the shelter. Yes, sometimes shelter do want to just pass a dog on without giving full information.  Would you still be able to adopt her even without spaying? or what are they doing with Pixie now, will she be adoptable??

I am so sorry for all this happening, i know how excited you were to pick this lil' girl up, and too alot of anxiety with it.

sorry this fell thru for you....

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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #15 
The shelter requires spaying unless medically impossible. But I felt like something else medically was going on. I just cannot take on a potentially sick dog at this point not for financial reasons, I just can't go thru another loss so soon. I know that there are no guarantees about how much time anyone has, but I would always be worried . The shelter indicated that they had multiple applications on her, so I think they probably already have someone else. I feel like a total failure.
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Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
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