adelia Show full post »
ScoutsMom
I just got another dog.... she is a border collie and her owner felt like the dog had too much energy for her and that she the owner didn't have enough time. She had had her 3 years.
It's nice to have the company but it feels weird. She isn't my Scout or Banjo..... I'm trying to take comfort in her company.... some days are harder than others...i know she must be confused too... like where did my mama go? How do you give up your dog after having her for 3 years, especially because she's really a very sweet, well behaved dog with basically no issues. I can't relate to that. I would NEVER have given up Scout or Banjo...i would have gone to the ends of the earth to take care of them.
Quote 0 0
adelia
It is hard to imagine getting rid of a dog, even if I have only had him/her for a day.

I am glad you have another in your life though, even if it is weird. I know what you mean though.

My anxiety has been soaring this last week. I have lost interest in things I normally enjoy. I think this must be what depression feels like...or maybe shock?

Here is the link to the video I watched:


One of the puppies looks a lot like my Arlo
Quote 0 0
catiebee
Adelia, for me the grief brought both those kinds of feelings.

I hope you will have as good a weekend as possible and that some of the hardest edges of your grief will ease soon.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
Quote 0 0
260408101708710
Dear Adelia and Scout's Mom,
I felt racked with guilt when we had to put Thunder, our 15 + year old German Shepherd Down 2 years ago today. I cried so hard I thought I would die from the grief for sure. I don't have any human children, so he was like the son I never had. And being an only child, I learn to bond very well with my animal companions because they were my friends and siblings at the same time. I literally have been alone for one reason or another in life. I got remarried 3 years ago and my husband really saved me, he came along at the perfect time. It was the time I had to face the end of Thunders life, a day I dreaded for years. I suffered with bouts of severe recurrent depression, especially in the last several years of Thunder's life. Being such a smart creature I knew he needed a lot of mental stimulation. But when I was in severe episodes like that I just sometimes could not pull myself out of bed or off the couch to take him for his walks like I should have. At those times he simply did not get the attention he deserved and frankly I was somewhat neglectful. Now I realize I was doing my best as I always have, but for the first several months after he passed not only was I grieving but I was racked with guilt. Denver serendipity an animal Communicator came into my reality. I had a reading for only $25, and I gave her a picture of Thunder with his name on it. She knew nothing else about me or him. And I could tell you my grief was a good 50% better after that reading. I knew it was him beyond the shadow of a doubt because the information coming through was so specific and the first thing he came across to tell me was (in his own way) alluding to the fact that I need to forgive myself, because he forgave me. He overlooked those times and focused on the joy he felt just in being together. He said he was happy from day one when I picked him up from the shelter in Antrim County Michigan. I saw his picture on Petfinder and 7 hours later I was there to get him, because I knew he was the one! He said he cherished every moment that we had together, from the first day to the last and that he had no regrets. She mentioned that I was going through some kind of a depression towards the end. Also he had hip dysplasia and issues with pain in his spine. She said he was so happy that he could run that he was running all the time they're kicking up dust in Heaven. I really not the type of person who falls for anything and I can certainly have a healthy dose of skepticism but I felt in my heart of hearts that I was experiencing real communication from him. It's funny that I feel inspired to write this right now about halfway through it I realized it was exactly his 2-year anniversary today. I have had many indications in those two years that he still with me. It happens more often when I'm in a better place emotionally. Time definitely does take the edge off, and then there are those times when I am reminded that we don't really lose anybody. But damn it sure feels like it sometimes. Hang in there better days are coming. Sending love and compassion from Thunder to all of you today who have a broken heart. May all of your hearts mend quickly and steadily. I know your animal companion soulmates are all very grateful and blessed to have known you, to have had a lifetime with you.
Quote 0 0
ScoutsMom
Hey Adelia
I read a quote today I thought was so cool because I've never known anyone named Achilles, then I meet you and read this quote.
"When he died, all things soft and beautiful and bright would be buried with him. " .... Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles
I'm going to borrow that quote because it so applies to my beautiful Scout and Banjo.

Thanks for letting us know about your Thunder. A friend and I were talking and she said something so simple and obvious yet so profound.....
The Bible says...."Faith, Hope, Love.... these 3 abide... but the greatest of these is Love"....And my friend said, "Love is what reaches across that great chasm between life and death, between Heaven and Earth."

I think that's true. Our Love for these creatures is what can form that bridge between the chasm of life and death.
Quote 0 0
adelia
This weekend was not horrible. I kept pretty busy and that helped.

We got Achilles’ ashes back and the mortuary made a clay print of his paw. I found a spot on a built in shelf in my bedroom for him to rest. Every time I pass by him I sob uncontrollably. I pick up his paw print and kiss it. I tell him how much I love him, how much I miss him, and how sorry I am that I couldn’t save him. The way he passed is still so hard for me to wrap my head around. He was supposed to be fine. Life without him is not something I was prepared for.

Scoutsmom, that is a beautiful quote. I love it, and I think I will borrow it from you. I wish I did needle point...I think it would look lovely on his shelf.



Quote 0 0
adelia
I lost it today. My Achilles blanket came in the mail. It was a little pricy, but I decided it would be a nice memorial for us to have of him. It came out so wonderful. If you have an extra 40-60 bucks for something like this, I highly recommend petcanva.com
Quote 0 0
ScoutsMom
I love it! I got a blanket of Scout and Banjo and Riley last year... from a photo of all of them in the woods together.
I'm so happy you got that blanket. It's a sweet reminder.
Quote 0 0
adelia
Oh! That is lovely! I definitely want to get a photo one with Indy and Achilles. We didn’t have Arlo very long before we lost Achilles, so I don’t have any photos with all three of our boys.

I am looking forward to a time when I can look at this blanket with a smile. It makes me cry right now.

I just found out a coworker of mine (who I also went to college with) is losing his dog to a nasal tumor of some kind. He is so devistated. We both cried talking about it today. I feel so bad for him and his girlfriend. I know the pain I feel over losing my Achilles, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.
Quote 0 0
ScoutsMom
Yes a friend of my neighbor's, who I know, lost his dog about 2 weeks after my babies died. His other dog is that dog's sibling and is also in failing health. They are about 14 years old. I don't think the remaining dog will last long. He too is devastated.
Since mid December......
One dear friend lost her dog to pancreatic cancer.... she has been a rock for me in my grief.
My insurance agent lost her dog at 8 to cancer in Jan.
A friend from the animal shelter where i used to volunteer lost all 3 of her old dogs between Sept and Dec.
A long long time family friend of my parents lost her husband of 62 years on Christmas day..... she has been tremendously supportive....a wonderful comfort... we talk nearly every day.
A college friend of many years lost her father 1 week after my beloved Scout past and her mother 10 days later..... we talk everyday... it has been cathartic.
Another long time friend of my parents passed away New Years Eve.
Spring is late coming here in Illinois and I thank God.... spring is my favorite time of year and I don't care if it comes this year at all.... flowers and new growth somehow seem cruel and insolent in the face of my anguish and loss.
Quote 0 0
AR1234
I am so sorry for your loss. My family too lost our baby Guinness, just 2 years old. He got out of our back yard for a few seconds, and got hit by a car in front of our whole family. We have his sister and littermate, and they have never been separated until now. She is grieving, and so are all of us. It is the worst pain I have ever felt, and I wouldn’t say my life has been a bed of roses. We are dealing with the same thoughts you are... we were supposed to protect him and we failed. We should have put padlocks on the gates just in case. We knew he was an escape artist. We should have realized he was gone a few seconds earlier. How can we be trusted with his sister when we have failed to protect him? Every time a dog is out of our sight, we freak out. Dogs are barely allowed outside right now because we are so paranoid.

It is important to realize this is NOT your fault. You loved your pup and did everything you could to protect him. We will not kiss their little noses again, or have them give us morning cuddles. We bring 1 goodnight treat up at bedtime now instead of 2. But we loved them unconditionally just as they loved us. And they knew that up until the very last second.

Give yourself time to grieve. I will be okay one second and then have a breakdown on a plane in front of strangers and just start uncontrollably crying. Let yourself grieve, but realize that for whatever reason it was your fur babies time. They were too good for this world. Prayers and thoughts your way. We will get through this.
Quote 0 0
adelia
SIx months or so ago, Achilles had his dental cleaning. I asked the vet to print his ecg results for me. I was planning to get his and Indiana’s heart beats tattooed under their paw prints on each of my wrists. I had been planning to do this before they’d be considered memorial tattoos. Sadly, I did not get to it in time...but I think this is my favorite tribute to him so far. My tattoo artist inked his ecg results with a heart (a rainbow heart). It is the memory of Achilles’ life filled with love, and the rainbow bridge at the end. It is a small thing really. But I have his paw print and his heart beat on me forever...just like they are within me forever. I still cry every night for his loss. But I have been able to remember him in happiness during the day.
Quote 0 0
adelia
It has been just over two months since Achilles passed. Not a day goes by that I don’t cry, not a second goes by that I don’t miss him. I find myself looking for him. I accidentally call Arlo his name.

My pain has not lessened. Not one iota. I am able to function now. I go to work, I do house work, I play with and love on Indy and Arlo. But a piece of me is missing.

Indy fainted last week. It scared me, so I took him to the vet...a new one because I cannot bring myself to trust the old one. She suggested a trip to a cardiologist (closest one is a two hour drive). So Indy and I took a road trip. The cardiologist said his heart sounded good and strong. Maybe I have ptsd from losing Achilles...but I find myself checking Indy’s gums like 20 times a day...I find myself staring st him when he sleeps to make sure he is still breathing. I am so paranoid and scared to lose him too. I think I would be forever broken.

Anyone have any words of advise on how to continue being vigilant for his well being without driving myself (or him) insane?
Quote 0 0
adelia
Well, it turns out that my hyper-vigilance/paranoia about Indiana payed off. I rushed him to the emergency vet on Sunday. They kept her m overnight to monitor him and run diagnostic tests. He had a ruptured mass on his spleen. The vet told me it is likely hemangiosarcoma which is a really aggressive cancer. She did tell us that there was a chance it was something benign, like a hematoma or something. We have hope. More hope now that Indy came through the surgery and we were able to get him home today. I am worried that if it is cancer, I will break. I have just now, 4 months after losing Achilles, been able to pick up some of the pieces from when I broke after losing him.
Quote 0 0
MAlcindor
Adelia I want to offer you my sincerest condolences for the loss of your beautiful, goofy, silly Achilles. I know how much you miss him and wish you could hold him and talk to him again. The paranoia is something that I am currently going through with my kitty. I lost my 2 dogs, Max to an illness in June and Bailey to a dog attack in July. I can't help but feel dread and just like I have been cursed, how does someone lose 2 pets in a month? My kitty is due for her vet visit and I have anxiety thinking about it. I think it's normal after going through something so traumatic to be over protective and paranoid about your pet's health. I love the blanket, I think I will get one for each of my boys. I'm praying for Indiana and for you.
Quote 0 0