It will be two months tomorrow since Toby passed away and although some days are better than others, i still cry everyday - when something or someplace reminds me of him, or just knowing he isnt there or worst still when those images of his final moments in the vets pop uninvited in to my head like some nightmare....i cry then.
Our regular walk was over the marshes, i park the car outside a beautiful church just on the edge of the marshes to walk my boys, and last week i was coming back and i was so angry and upset i shouted at the church, shouted at God i wanted to know why Toby had been taken so soon in his life, why God wanted him back, why didnt he leave him with me a few more years.....i wanted answers and basically i lost control of my emotions really and have been feeling bad every since.
I have Toby's ashes but as yet have been unable to bury them, unable to 'let go' but now i feel i want to take his ashes to that church, the one we walked past most days and say a prayer. The church has some lovely medieval wall murals in it and i want to sit under them and be at peace and give God thanks for letting me have Toby in the first place.
This is the prayer i was planning to say, not sure if anyone else has any others they know of?
'Heavenly Father, Creator of all things, thank you for having entrusted me with a loyal pet. Thank you for letting him teach me unselfish love. Thank you for the memories that I can recall to brighten my days for the rest of my life. Finally, in gratitude, I return Toby to you. Amen.'
I just want to find peace with all of this, i'm not sure i ever will.

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it is a perfect prayer
i am sorry to read of your sadness, this place is a place of comfort though,i have been coming here since feb, when i lost my beloved little black girl cat to cancer.
it is ok to lose your self in emotions, i think it is only natural, to scream and shout,
it is so awful to lose a fur baby, i have had so many nightmares and anxiety attacks this year, i dont think i have let out the grief properly yet, i still cry, i still think she will walk in the room.
her little twin is going thru it now, my 14 yr old tortie, i put a post up today if anyone knows how to heal a cats heart too!
it is so hard to let go, but i dont think we ever really let go do we........they are always in our hearts and souls
take care
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Please believe that peace will come to you.  One month is still a very short amount of time since you lost your precious baby.  If your journey is anything like mine, it will take many months to start feeling better.  My heart goes out to you; I remember well how difficult these months were.  One day soon you will notice that you are starting to feel better for longer periods of time.  Then a meltdown. Then longer periods of time.  You have to get through each step of the journey to get to the new normal of acceptance that your baby is no longer physically with you.  Many others have said this in many different ways(I personally love Boogie's version), but one day you will realize that you are now with your baby all of the time, just in a spiritual way this time. 

Again, my thoughts are with you today. What a beautiful gift that you return to God.  Toby was entrusted in your loving care and you returned him when you were asked.  Beautiful prayer!


Karen,Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
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Thinking of you Tobysmom and hoping your sadness will ease:)


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Dear Friend,

Tobysmum, to say I am sorry for your loss is so inadequate.  Words do not, can not do justice to the pain that is with us 24/7.  I lost my bestest friend Tuffy on July26, this year.  He was only 5 yrs and he was everything to me.  Dear friend, I hear you, I feel you.  I do believe that eventually peace will come to us.  I believe it but some days I don't ever want to be better again.  But eventually times works its magic and somehow we heal.  Cry, scream, do what ever it takes.  They are so worth it.

Thank you for the beautiful prayer.  I don't think I have ever read words so meaningful.  I printed it, I will say it tonight.  Thank you for your post.  It will take me one step closer to peace.

By the way, Toby is very handsome.  I wish Tuffy and I could have known him.

I hope you find peace.  You and Toby will be in my prayers.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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What a beautiful prayer.  Peace will come with time though the sadness never truly goes away.  The sad thoughts do give way to loving memories though and there will come a time that you can think about your beloved Toby and smile.  I lost control of my emotions plenty when I lost Ted.  You are certainly not alone in that.  I think many of us would like to scream from the rooftops.  I hope you feel better soon.
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
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That is a beautiful, very well spoken prayer that probably expresses how a lot of us feel.  Also, I think God understands our anguish and our sadness.  I don't know what your faith is exactly but you obviously believe in God.   I think it is worth it to remember that even Jesus felt sadness and openly wept while here in the physical body when friends he loved died.  So, sometimes, when I'm asking why I have to go through difficulties of life , then I think, well, why not....even Jesus went through much worse pain and experienced many trials during his life. There are many things we don't understand but someday, we will.  

As others have said, two months is not a lot of time for a loss of someone you loved so deeply.   You know, you don't have to let his ashes go, unless that is something you want to do.  I feel great comfort in having Scottie's ashes with me and plan to have them buried with me someday, even though I know he is not in that little box, he is in Heaven.  Of course, that decision is completely up to you.  The plan to bury his ashes at the church is lovely but I'd hope you'd wait until you are sure you are ready to part with them.  
I also pray for you to find peace and comfort. 
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tobysmum, it was sure okay to let out your anger. god doesnt hold it against you.
I have been worried about what to do with maddies ashes, as im not going to stay in this house more than a year or too. it is a good idea too find a place you can be that brings you peace.
I love the prayer, and I too will save it. Im sorry your hurting so much. its been 4 weeks for me, I have some better days, the the frief is still there every day.  bless you. Judy
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