Debbz Show full post »
Debbz
Pecan_mom wrote:
 I am so sorry for your loss.  I totally understand.  My beautiful Cockapoo Pecan passed away unexpectedly 17 weeks ago.  She was only 9 years old.  She was happy and healthy all day.  Wasn’t herself at 6:30pm on Thursday and passed away at 4am on Friday as soon as we rushed her to the emergency.  My heart is broken, she was my soulmate, best friend, therapist, confidant.... we were together 24/7.  We don’t know the cause of death.  I still cry everyday and feel so guilty because I could not save her.  Please don’t beat yourself up.  You were just doing your best for your dog to keep her healthy.  Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.


Thank you so much SP.
I am so sorry you went through this as well. 
Sounds like you had a very special bond with your Pecan (what a beautiful name you chose) .
I just wish they hadn't passed so unexpectedly. I find it very difficult to accept such a  tragedy.  
I regret the day I took that appointment and have been crying ever since she left me. 
I rushed to the vet after getting the call where they told me she had passed (I was out of town 2 hours away) . Got on the highway and couldn't make it there fast enough. They brought her to me so I could say a final goodbye. I just stood there putting my hand on her cold, stiff and lifeless body, kissing her and telling her how much I loved her and was sorry whole tears rolled down my face. I just couldn't believe she was gone and never coming back. I write this and read everyone else's comments and cry uncontrollably. 
What scares me now is that I may never see her again. I dont know if we will ever be reunited with our pets in heaven.  This is the only thought that may get me through this tragic loss, a glimpse of hope that I may one day see her again.

Sending you much love and prayers. You are in my thoughts and hope every day that passes is better than the previous. 


❤❤❤ debbie
Quote 0 0
Pecan_mom

Thank you for your kind words.  Please don’t blame yourself. 

I always cry when I read everyone’s stories and cry every time I write or talk about Pecan.  

I believe that we will be reunited and greeted by our beloved pets in heaven. I also believe they come to us when we need them the most and leave us when it’s their time to go and with our best interest at heart.  We are heartbroken and our grief is raw so we can’t see it right now.  We feel the way we feel because we loved them unconditionally and we are helpless because we can’t bring them back.  I still can’t believe she’s gone.  I feel like I have failed her or maybe I didn’t deserve her.  Maybe more vet visits could have saved her life but Pecan was always happy and was the first one at the door.  She was eating, drinking and going to the bathroom no problem so I thought she was fine.  I hope she can forgive me if I did anything wrong.  I don’t know if I can ever be happy again but we have no choice but to learn how to live without them.  Please take care of yourself.  Your baby is always beside you in spirit.  I’m here if you need to pour your heart out.  I know sharing helps.
Sahar 

Sp
Quote 2 0
Debbz
Pecan_mom wrote:

Thank you for your kind words.  Please don’t blame yourself. 

I always cry when I read everyone’s stories and cry every time I write or talk about Pecan.  

I believe that we will be reunited and greeted by our beloved pets in heaven. I also believe they come to us when we need them the most and leave us when it’s their time to go and with our best interest at heart.  We are heartbroken and our grief is raw so we can’t see it right now.  We feel the way we feel because we loved them unconditionally and we are helpless because we can’t bring them back.  I still can’t believe she’s gone.  I feel like I have failed her or maybe I didn’t deserve her.  Maybe more vet visits could have saved her life but Pecan was always happy and was the first one at the door.  She was eating, drinking and going to the bathroom no problem so I thought she was fine.  I hope she can forgive me if I did anything wrong.  I don’t know if I can ever be happy again but we have no choice but to learn how to live without them.  Please take care of yourself.  Your baby is always beside you in spirit.  I’m here if you need to pour your heart out.  I know sharing helps.
Sahar 



Ohhh Sahar. This is so sad. 
You more than me, have nothing to blame yourself for.  You think that you caused your pet to die sooner then what was destined for her  because you didn't bring her to the vet regularly? 
My mistake was the opposite of you, I wish I had never taken her there that day and she would still be here with me. Please don't blame yourself. You gave her everything you had and Pecan spent 9 happy years with you!! 
My Lulu spent 3 years with me. The 3 most wonderful years of my life. I wish I could've had her for just another few years with me. 😢😢 
The worse possible scenario happened to her. She went for a simple dental surgery , woke up and died a few seconds after waking up because of a cardiac arrest. 
I will never know what caused that.  The vet told me that the chances of this happening are 1 in 2000. 😢😢😢😢😢 and he doesn't know what caused it . 😢😢

Our little angels are not with us anymore and this new reality is hard to swallow.  😢😢
Quote 0 0
Paddington_Mom1
I believe that we will be reunited with our pets in Heaven. I believe that my Paddington is purring in God's arms. Probably making biscuits, and God is saying "owwww"! 
Quote 1 0
Debbz
I believe that we will be reunited with our pets in Heaven. I believe that my Paddington is purring in God's arms. Probably making biscuits, and God is saying "owwww"! 


I dont know if we it will be in heaven. I think that he might bring them back during the 1000 years when he comes back to earth and brings us back with him , i believe this is when he will being our pets back. 
Quote 0 0
Pecan_mom

@Debbz
Hi Debbie,
I guess we all find a way to blame ourselves for what happened to our beloved dogs.  You for taking her in and me for not taking her regularly or as often.  I think we feel the way we feel because of our deep love for them and the fact that we didn’t see it coming.  It’s kinda like bargaining. Just remember that you loved Lulu and did everything including taking her in for her teeth out of love and you were trying your best to keep her healthy.  Unfortunately this was her time and she chose to go this way.  If we start trusting that hopefully we can start feeling less guilt and go through the grief process a bit easier.  Grief is a marathon so it’s going to take time but guilt is a dark and unnecessary feeling that I wish I could stop having.  Take care of you and please remember I’m always here and I know how you feel. 

sending you love,
Sahar 

Sp
Quote 1 0
Debbz
Pecan_mom wrote:

@Debbz
Hi Debbie,
I guess we all find a way to blame ourselves for what happened to our beloved dogs.  You for taking her in and me for not taking her regularly or as often.  I think we feel the way we feel because of our deep love for them and the fact that we didn’t see it coming.  It’s kinda like bargaining. Just remember that you loved Lulu and did everything including taking her in for her teeth out of love and you were trying your best to keep her healthy.  Unfortunately this was her time and she chose to go this way.  If we start trusting that hopefully we can start feeling less guilt and go through the grief process a bit easier.  Grief is a marathon so it’s going to take time but guilt is a dark and unnecessary feeling that I wish I could stop having.  Take care of you and please remember I’m always here and I know how you feel. 

sending you love,
Sahar 



Ohhhh Sahar, you are sooooo sweet.
Thank you so much.
You are completely right. That is exactly what it is. It was their time to go 😥😥.
You cannot change what is destined to happen. Everything must happen the way it is written. 
There will always be guilt and regret for some reason. I just wish it wasn't so unexpected. I just think of how I could've spoiled her in her final days/moments by giving her her favorite meal (a piece of salmon or a cucumber or whatever i knew would please her) giving her extra love and told her she was my world ... 😢 these are my biggest regrets. 
All I can pray for now is that we meet again. This is the only thing that gives me hope.  
We have a gazebo in our backyard with a sectional couch that she used to love to sit on. I havent been in my back yard since Wednesday because I cant bring myself to sit on that couch without her. Its so difficult. I think of her all day. I just washed her blanket yesterday and held it in my arms as the tears started rolling down my face 😥 
I dont know what to tell you Sahar .... life is just such a struggle right now. ..  im waiting for some relief, waiting for the pain to slowly go away .... 

You lost your beautiful Pecan 17 weeks ago and you are still in mourning and in pain ....😢😢
How much pain can we bare and for how long ?!?!  . ... This suffering is horrendous. Worse pain I've ever experienced. 😥 

I really hope that the Lord brings you peace and comfort Sahar. No one should have to go through this for weeks, months. 😢😢 

Be strong my friend. You will be in my prayers . ❤❤

Debbie xx
Quote 0 0
Pecan_mom

Thank you so much Debbie.  

I know what you mean.  I never got a chance to say goodbye. Pecan always wanted to be with me, I could I leave her body at the vet and drive home. Like you I always imagined her getting old and take care of her on her last days.  I never imagined her leaving me so soon and so unexpectedly.  I miss her so much!  Sometimes my entire body aches.  I am working with a grief counsellor, Everyone is telling me i should stop blaming myself.  I don’t know why I keep going back to all the negative thoughts.  What if her sensitive ears or her scooting was a sign and I didn’t know?  I know we all have regrets and guilt but what if my thoughts are real and I deserve to feel the way I feel?  

I know what you mean about not being able to go to your gazebo and sit there.  I could not go downstairs alone for a month because that’s what I always did with Pecan.  I had to wait for my girls or husband to wake up and go downstairs with me.  I was not able to go for a walk for over a month.  I still haven’t gone to our favourite trail.  Please give yourself time, when you feel a bit stronger maybe you can sit there and talk to her!  

I am sorry to sound so negative but I know your heart is broken too and you get it.  I’m going to pray for you.  Hope you can get some rest and feel a bit better. 

with love,
Sahar 

Sp
Quote 1 0
runpr2
I am so sorry. My Rosie died a month ago unexpectedly also. My last dog was 16 and I knew it was time. With your dog and my Rosie, we were not prepared. It is such a shock that I got angry and then I blamed the vet. I blamed myself. The anger subsided and now I am just very sad and lonely. I know we should try to remember the good moments. When I couldn't sleep, I wrote down as many memories as I could. It did help. I sleep with her blanket and talk to her every night before I go to sleep. That all helps also. There is nothing but time to help you heal. You will never forget that love. I will never forget my Rosie.
Brenda Hawley
Quote 1 0
Debbz
Thank you for your suggestions Brenda.
I just washed her blanket over the weekend. I will try and sleep with it at night. This might bring me some comfort. 

I'm so sorry about your Rosie 😥.
I can relate to the loneliness and sadness. She was my whole world. I adored her 😢. I have 2 kids and another Chihuahua but this one was special. Eventhough i love my kids, my Lulu was the love of my life. 
I think of her every minute of every day 😥 

My thoughts are with you in these trying times. 

God bless you. 

Debbie
Quote 0 0
BoxerMomForever
Debbz,  oh my. Your story is so heartbreaking.  I’m very sorry.  She was such a cutie. Hugs to you....
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
Quote 0 0
Debbz
Thank you so much  Linda. 
I am sorry for your losses. 😥
She really was the most adorable precious little sweetheart. Her temperament was what made her so special. The only sound that would ever come out of her mouth was the whining to be picked up or when i would prepare her food. Not a single bark. 
She was like a little baby. Almost human baby. After she would finish eating, I'd take her and place her on my shoulder and tap her back until she burped. I'd take her in my arms and hold her like a human baby on her back and she would just stay there without even moving just staring at me. I know it sounds a bit crazy but sometimes I felt as if though she was more than a dog. Almost human. 

I miss her so very much. 😥😥

I appreciate your kind words Linda.
Blessings to you ❤

Debbie
Quote 0 0