Denise180
It's been 9 weeks now since I lost my sweet dog Pinto. He was 15 years old and only weighed 3 pounds. He slept with me and I have not been able to sleep since he died. Nobody seems to understand how I feel. I think about him all the time. I look for him and his bow legged walk everywhere. I have not been able to cry. I think if I could cry it might release some of the pent up grief but I've tried and the tears just won't come. I have another dog but she hasn't helped as she is mostly my husband's dog. I feel so lonely without Pinto.
Denise180
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catiebee
Ohhh. No tears, no sleep, heavy grief. That's a very rough combination. Do you have anyone you've been able to share the whole story with about Pinto and your loss?  If there's someone you feel safe with, that might help you find your tears. If you don't know someone, there are pet loss hotlines and it might be worth reaching someone staffing one. Just a thought and if that's no help, just toss it aside. I hope you start to be able to rest better soon.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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zcb
I know exactly how you feel.  It just doesn't seem to get any better but day by day it does just a tiny bit.  I too have another dog and I love her with all my heart and now that Scooter has passed I'm terrified that I'll lose Bitsy.  She'll be 14 in July and I don't know what I'll do when I lose her.  I talk to her about Scooter and I guess if anyone would hear me that would sign me up for the funny farm but it helps me to remember the precious things that he always did.  Everyone grieves differently and you just might not ever have the tears but even if you don't you still feel a deep sense of loss for you beloved Pinto.  Hope you can sleep.  Just remember that your sweet Pinto was loved so much and that is so important. 
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Denise180
I talk to Gracie about Pinto. I think she misses him too. She is 12 and has asthma so I freak when she breathes hard. But she will not let me cuddle with her like Pinto did. That's what I need most. I really want to cry. I don't think it's normal that I haven't cried as I've always been am emotional person. I bought a stuffed chihuahua that I'm sleeping with. Sounds .dumb but I'm finally sleeping so I'm sleeping
Denise180
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Sooz
Hi, Denise,

Maybe you're not crying (yet) because you're still in shock or something, and haven't fully processed things maybe? Loss and grief can hit us unexpectedly, and eventually I think this will happen for you and then all that emotion will come flooding out. One person told me that their grief didn't hit until the one year anniversary of a loved one's passing.

I'm glad you're finally sleeping. I sleep with one of Luigi's favorite little squeak toys and the soft purple towel I wrapped him in to hold him close to me for his last ride to the vet's.
Heaven is the place where all the dogs you've ever loved come to greet you.
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Denise180
I talk to Gracie about Pinto. I think she misses him too. She is 12 and has asthma so I freak when she breathes hard. But she will not let me cuddle with her like Pinto did. That's what I need most. I really want to cry. I don't think it's normal that I haven't cried as I've always been am emotional person. I bought a stuffed chihuahua that I sleep with and its
Ovr But I really want to cry I've not gone to hs grave. Think I'll try to walk there today. He died in my arms. Our Gracie was in heat so the day before Pinto was his usual go after it self. Then the dreaded day, he woke up early got water, did his job and was ready to come snuggle. That's when j realized that he had thrown up 2 times already. He still wanted me to hold him, a gave him a pinch of a phenergan to help him. He wanted down where he pottied & threw up again. After that, he couldn't walk anymore, he was just too weak. All I could do was pet him and talk to him until he crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.
Now somebody needs to make me cry!!!
Denise180
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Denise180
I bought a stuffed chihuahua, its the same size as Pinto. He was 15 so he hardly played and didn't have toys. I keep hearing his bow legged walk coming down the hall & have to stop myself from talking. I know my friends and family are so tired of hearing me whine about Pinto. That's why I found this forum, I knew we all were dealing with the same things
Denise180
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Avabear
I'm also at the 9 week stage of losing my sweet girl Ava, I still cry everyday, I still haven't been able to mop the floor because her paw prints from her last day are still there.  I talk to her as if she is still here even putting her out to the toilet morning and before bed as if she is still here.  I know it will get better with time and it's all part of the grieving process but it's so so hard so I understand where you are coming from.  For me the tears come daily not that they help or bring any release of pain, your tears will come when you are ready until then just be kind to yourself.  We have experienced a huge lose and need time to process and come to terms with that loss.

Avabears mummy

'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.' Anon

 

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