Dalidog
Saturdays are never going to be easy again.  Nine weeks today since you left me Dals.  The pain will last a lifetime.  Thank you for being you.  I still have such sadness and guilt feelings.  I should have gotten you to the vet a few days earlier, I should have watched you closer, I should have been better in so many ways.  I love you and you know it.  I remember how when I would go out of town and you would stay with my daughter, you would be mad at me when I would come home and ignore me for a while.  Finally you would get over it.  I think you were mad for leaving.  Now you left me, but I certainly couldn't be mad at you for that.  I have been mad at the world, mad that life goes on, mad that other dogs are okay, mad at the vet who said you were okay.. etc...etc..  Mad, sad, panic, anxiety, despair...  been through all of that and it won't go away.  How do I cope?  Been to church, to the doctor, talked to others until they don't want to hear it.  Now I have quiet tears most of the time (except at night).  I stare at your picture, sleep with it, pet it, talk to it...maybe I am crazy.  Such a hard 9 weeks.  And I worry about you.  I know you are at the bridge and I know you are sending signs to me...but something still gets to me.  I sing the song I used to sing when you would hide from me..   Oh, where or where can my Dali be, Oh where or where can she be.  With her eyes so bright and her nose so big, of where oh where can she be..  You would always come running, like..  I"M HERE..  but now there is emptiness, quietness...nothingness.  Miss you much my baby girl.  9 weeks seems like forever. Love, MOM

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Leahbeahis
I'm sorry that I can't give you advice on how to cope. It doesn't seem to get better, only less intense most of the time (for me this was years later). I am right there with you, feeling the same. I know I sound pessimistic but I would describe the pain as loosing chunks of your hear as each loved one passes and then after a while there's nothing left. You become less and less happy in life, less and less able to enjoy yourself. Sure, there are moments where Dali isn't at the forefront of your mind, but then you soon return to reality. It's like no matter what you do, there's always a dark cloud following you, sometimes it rains, sometimes it thunderstorms, sometimes you get a small break from the rain and thunderstorms, but it's always there. What's worse is that people don't understand. It's hard enough to lose something so close to your heart, but you're forced to go to work or make something to eat or do laundry or go to this event or that event. If you're not smiling and laughing all of the time, or if you don't "move on" or "pick yourself up" within a short amount of time it's frowned upon. Sometimes I am so deeply saddened that I have lost Lucy that I don't have the energy to fake it. People start the verbal attacks and general disapproval of my grieving process. It's awful. I'm so grateful for this forum. You are not crazy. I do all sorts of crazy things, like talking to Lucy out loud and reciting routine things I have been saying to her for the last 10 years because it feels too weird to just be silent. Keep holding on to those signs, Dali is letting you know she is still with you.
~ Leah
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Dalidog
I know your Lucy is with you too and I'm sorry anyone has to feel this way, but it is nice to know someone understands. Everyone tells me I am a different person now, and I am.  I used to be upbeat and happy, loved everything.  Now I just stay alone and do what I have to do.  I don't like that no one mentions my baby.  The joy is gone and the silence is deafening. I will never get over losing my Dali and I am just trying to get by.  The holidays and all the shopping upset me this year.  People are so into"things".  Thank you for being there

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Jinxandmatildas_mom
I lost my Jinx in August and my Matilda just 3 weeks later, one from cancer one from renal failure, I go to a pet loss support group, it helps for the two hours I am there, with people who understand, but the rest of the time, unless I am at work, I agree life without them is forever changed, I had them for half my life, they were 20 and 17,this will be my first Christmas without them in that many years, it's impossible to accept, I still talk to them everyday too, I always will because they are my heart and soul forever
Kathy
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animal_qwackers
Dalidog, I understand fully the pain of these "time markers" we have since the loss of our beautiful friends. From what I have read in many posts you have written and responded to, you did everything you could for your beautiful Dali. She knew how much you loved her, and in return she loved you with an unconditional love that all dogs give to us humans. It is how they are programmed. She would have thought none the less of you for the times you left her with your daughter. She'll have been a bit sulky, I get that, as my Solly played that one on me too. Our babies know how to wrap us around their paws with a certain look and an air about them. She got you with her way of being mad at you, as my Solly got me, but the love was always there and is still there. That love will never be broken. It can't be as it's so strong.

I used to sometimes call Solly and Gonzo sulky kids. They would put on that look, the look that would melt me and make me feel as if I had done something really awful. Unfortunately, we have to go about out daily lives, and sometimes that means leaving our furry friends alone or with a friend or member of the family. Everybody who owns a fur baby does the same thing. It is a necessary evil, an unavoidable part of living with a four legged friend. Having said that, I do understand what you mean. I have thought about the same things since I lost my Gonzo and Solly. The ifs, buts, maybes, and all the rest of it still sneak into my head and play games with me.

I sleep with my babies' pictures too. I talk to them, I sing to them, I ache for them, I cry for them. It is part of grief and I believe we never stop grieving. We simply learn to go on without them as best we can.

My thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.

Hugs and best wishes to you and Dali, such a gorgeous little girl.

Wendy



“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” – Jack Lemmon

Solly, Gonzo, Daisy-Mae, Ebony, Jerry, Tigger, Bonnie, Suzy, Cleo, Spike, Sooty, and Tibby – dazzling lights that will never fade. Adored, cherished, I was privileged to know you all. Until we meet again, my beautiful babies. Bowls of love and cuddles, your ever-loving, devoted Mummy xxxxxxxxxx


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Dalidog
Thank you for your comfort .  I know I am not alone in my grief and to hear that other people had such a connection to their animals is comforting.  The one thing I am happy about is that I refused to go on a two week vacation last summer because I didn't want to leave my Dali.  My husband was mad, but I didn't care.  I'm glad I had that extra 2 weeks not being gone from her. I used to call her when I was away and ask my daughter to put the phone to her ear so I could talk to her.  Everyone thought I was nuts, but I didn't care.  It is very hard to go on and I wouldn't wish this grief on anyone. I keep my Dali close to my heart (I have a necklace with a silver heart with her name engraved on it and a Lhasa with wings charm that I never take off).  She changed my life forever and I am forever grateful for the time I had with her.  I try so hard to be positive, but inside I am broken.  I appreciate everyone on this site and would not make it without them.  I smiled about other babies being sulky when you left them.  It was so cute when Dali did that.  I would put my hand to my face and pretend to cry and she would run over and start licking me, like "its okay, I'm not mad".  How I miss that, but wouldn't have missed it even for the pain now.   Hugs to you all

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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