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treecee53

Stacie, I'm so sorry for your pain but I do know what you are feeling.  I have been a mess for the last 3 1/2 weeks.  I feel like there is no end to the pain.  I'm reading as much literature as I can find hoping somehow it will bring me comfort.  I found the poem below and it really resonated with me.  I have read it before I lost my little girl but it has a whole new meaning now. 

Grieve not,
Nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you...
I loved you so...
'twas Heaven here with you.

I only wish I could I could speak of my baby Rita without tears...

 

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Wileykitten
(((hugs))) treec xo thank u this is a beautiful poem I tear up reading it. I can't speak of wiley without tears either unless im at work and the mask is on. I cry on lunch thinking about him.
Id give anything to come home and have him here, waiting to give me my kitten-hug. Im so exhausted from the facade all day.
Im so grateful for all the prayers and loving thoughts... It is comforting to know people are there for me who understand. Ik u are struggling too... I look at the picture of rita so sweet xoxo im so sorry u are hurting so much.
The whole dynamic of life is off, isnt it? The house feels different, sounds and smells different... the feeling walking in is different... the way we look at the world is so different. Sometimes I want to scream doesnt anyone know what a huge loss has happened????? But they wouldnt... people go about ther days as we struggle thru ours... all of us on this journey of the Rainbow Bridge. Praise God we all have each other (((HUGS)))

In Him,
Stacie
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treecee53
yes, the dynamic is off and my joy is gone. I've gotten to the point that I'm starting to hate my house. It no longer feels like home without Rita. I always loved autumn but this year I find no joy in it. The beautiful foliage and bright fall sky is so much duller this year. I feel as though life will never be the same and I will never be the same. I know about the exhaustion part. It is so hard to make it through every day and it seems like the days are getting longer and longer. I can't wait until night comes and I can go to bed and cry.
And then I can't wait until I can get to sleep so I can hopefully dream about my Rita. I ask her every night to come to me in a dream.
I'm so grateful for this site and the wonderful people on it.
HUGS TO YOU TOO
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ahartofilis
Hello Stacie,
       I have just been catching up with some posts and your 9 week post for your dear boy Wiley really struck a chord in my heart. I am so sorry for the loss of a much loved companion. I also went back in your topics to find a picture of Wiley and he is so unique and beautiful Stacie.
     I just want you to know that I resonate with all of your feelings. I lost my canine companion of 10 years to bone cancer almost a year ago. It has been a long grievous year for me. When you say that you don't know who you are anymore it brings back those early days of grief in a clear vivid way.  You are a lovely person who is grieving deeply for a very special fur baby. You don't have to define yourself by any worldly standards. True grief is very lonely indeed. I am glad that you have found this forum and others that can relate to your experience. You speak from the heart and I feel how your heart is broken.
      You may just be going through the motions of day to day living for a while. I want to give you the hope that things will get easier with time. The world can wait for you to rejoin it. And when you do, you will do so in a different way having learned so much from the life, love, and loss of your beloved Wiley. I hope that you find comfort, peace, and healing in the days ahead............Please take care.........my thoughts are with you.....................Sincerely, Andrea, Coco, Rudy.
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Wileykitten
thank u andrea and treec xo I am crying as u write this... im so lost I wish I could actually be the person all our patients think I am... all the customers at my part time job would never imagine im just this empty shell. I don't think I could ever find the words to truly describe the desperation within me to have my keeten back. Ik u both and everyone here know but somehow I feel if people who don't understand like we do... if I could find the perfect words... they just might and we wouldn't have to pretend everyday. Yes treec ik exactly what u are saying.. very few things outside of my other cats make me smile and andrea I empathize with u im so sorry about ur beloved dog. Cancer sucks its evil. I work around it all day but it came into my house and took my best friend and the day he died, I died too. I can't accept hes gone. My head does but my heart feels like its just one of my vivid nightmares and im going to wake up and he'll be here... I was just looking at his picture crying hysterically telling him I don't know how to go on I don't know what to do without him... im scared I just want him back.
I feel contractions in my soul and I burst into tears I can't take it... and yes I cant wait to get home everyday and go to bed so I sleep and stop thinking for awhile...
15 years... 15 freaking amazing years... there wont be 16 or 17... I joked w wiley on his birthday that next year hed be driving and hed snuggle deeper into my neck and purr.
God I miss those kitten hugs.
I miss my best friend... My Wiley :_(

(((hugs)))
Stacie
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fernwitch
*HUGS*

I'm so sorry for your loss... I hope you can find some peace in your heart...
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Wileykitten
thank u, fernwitch xoxo... im so lost :(
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Trudijane
WileyKitten,

What I notice from reading all these losses is that we all feel the same - in our own way.  Please pick up a copy of a book called 'Grieving the Death of a Pet" by Betty Carmack.  She has been heading SF/SPCA support groups for 30+ years; which I started going to in 1992 and returned there again 8 weeks ago when I lost my Coony, my love.  You will see a lot of the things you are feeling through other people just so you know you're not alone.  Unfortunately, it helps to know that but we have to to through the painful grief process alone and need lots of time to heal - not forget but get to the point where you don't feel so broken.

I still feel heart-broken and miss my best friend too.  I think like you do except I probably have less years to live and lately that doesn't bother me because I sometimes I want to die just to see if I could be with him or closer.  I wanted to go with him the day he died.  He was going to be my last cat and my soul-cat except an unexpected illness took him too early.  Quite a shock.  I've been going through post-traumatic stress ever since.  I too hug Coony's picture every night and touch the glass only I year to hold him SO much.

I know what you are going through.

Give it time and let yourself cry & cry.  I hope all these angels are in a better place than we are.

Hugs,
Trudi
TrudiJaneNeiverth
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Wileykitten
thank u trudi... yes Cooney I have read ur posts im so sorry hes gone xoxo I will look for the book thank u. I have been reading Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates.. its still just so
hard. Monday was 10 weeks and I just can't handle it.
Thank u for responding... it means so much xoxo

Praying for peace in ur heart,
Love, Stacie
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