I can really relate to what you are feeling, Romeos Daddy. Eight months after my sweet Misty passed over, I was still very deeply grieving. I was able to get on with life but had changed inside most profoundly.
Some of it was (and still is) beautiful, but the sadness would also get a hold of me, and keep me awake crying sometimes...
I was given a great gift by Misty. Her precious friendship and love, and coming here to share life with me, yes...but after her passing I sensed her many a time. This showed me they live on, and not only that but they cannot and don't wish to forget us! It showed me she is in a peace and happiness which is absolutely shining compared to many things of this world.
And I have been so fortunate to sense that when she's near. And realise there is no separation on a deep secret sacred heart-felt level.
That's what you feel worries you....that Romeo is a secret inside your Heart; that no-one else knows about and so it makes you feel isolated and lonely.
That very thing was the thing that freaked me out most during the first weeks; that she had become "my secret special Soul", But strangely it was that very thing that started to turn my life back to a little light.
It had always been just me and her. My husband passed, and so did many other friends and family, so it ended up with just the two of us. I loved it but knew it was fragile, as one day she would have to leave. So when she went, I can not even properly describe the emptiness, loss and isolation I felt.
But as I started to sense her "from the other side", and all that love and fine energy from her, that isolated space started to grow into something so beautiful and special and sacred. I love that quiet place now.
Now it's not just Misty who lives in that kind of condition now she has passed. They all do. If any kind of tiny conduit can gently be opened up between them and us in heart-felt love....they can "travel" down it to touch our Souls. Even if only for a few seconds at a time. But love and especially the shared love and moments of quietness in our lives, can help us feel a touch of healing, because we actually reach them and touch their Souls with our love.
But like I said, oh yes there are times when I feel utter loss. I still do, even now. She's not around. She's not communicating (what is she doing up there? lol) But it's okay. Even though I miss her every hour of every day, I know she's okay and loves me very much and seems to be waiting for me. I let her go, and know she never goes far....but how can I keep her on a short leash in the fields of Heaven? I trust our love.
There is no way I would deliberately end my life because that state of my being would be too diametrically-opposed to the loving peace and happiness I sense from her.
So I have learned to live my own new way of life which is sadder than before in some ways, but is lovely too. My life has changed that's for sure.
Misty passed five and a half years ago. Yes I still miss her and it hurts sometimes even now. But there are more "okay" days than there were at eight months into this. And there are some really lovely days.