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carmens_mom
Dear Candace, I am so sorry about Cooper.  I like the description of what you have called the " lingering melancholy" and I surely understand   I am a "functioning" individual again, but the hole that was left in my heart the day my Carmen went to Rainbow Bridge remains.  I know I'm not the same person I was when Carmen was here with me, but not necessarily in the deep, dark, scary ways from the beginning.  Now, after time has passed, I recognize the change that was forced on me is not all negative.  After the active grieving, which lasted a long time,  it was as if I transitioned into something different.  Sometimes I call it my new normal and although it does entail the constant lingering melancholy, it also has allowed me to reflect back on what a loving little angel she was and all the fun adventures, love shared and remarkable times we had together.  I view her as a blessing as she taught me so much about myself and how I can be a better person.  And I take her legacy seriously.

I feel you are a remarkable person.  Cooper and you shared a special bond that is unique - But not only did you love Cooper so deeply but you also adopted from your local shelter and most impressively, you adopted a geriatric dog!  So many people prefer puppies and don't recognize the love that the older ones bring into our homes.  They have lived through a myriad of life situations and someone adopting them to help them be comfortable, safe and loved means the world to them.  What a treasure Spike is - He looks like such a gentle spirit and those eyes... Oh my goodness, those loving eyes!

I wish you peace as you continue your journey Candice.
My warmest regards,  Carmen's and Gigi's mom - alicia
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Romeos_Daddy
Candace81 wrote:
I am at 6 months from losing my 10 yr old Boston terrier Cooper. I have dealt with a lot of death, but the loss of my dog has broken me more than anything. About a month out I couldn’t stand having a silent home so I went to the shelter and adopted an elderly (11 yr old) chihuahua named Spike. I figure we had both been abandoned so why not give a loving home to this little guy. He is totally sweet and having him around gives me some sense of purpose & responsibility. Picking the routine back up of owning a dog helps me feel some sort of normalcy again. It feels good to give love again. Of course nothing can replace the love I have for Cooper, I still break down and cry every so often. I think I was still in shock the first few months, the sadness definitely got worse a couple months in. There is a melancholy in me from his death that I do not think will ever completely go away. I think I will always be sad thinking of his loss because he was that important to me.


Great pictures Candace81. I can relate to both your loss of Cooper and the shock of how much the loss affected me.  Did or do you experience any conflict with still grieving at the loss of Cooper and trying to love and accept your new dog Spike?
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Mistysmama
I can really relate to what you are feeling, Romeos Daddy. Eight months after my sweet Misty passed over, I was still very deeply grieving. I was able to get on with life but had changed inside most profoundly.
Some of it was (and still is) beautiful, but the sadness would also get a hold of me, and keep me awake crying sometimes...
I was given a great gift by Misty. Her precious friendship and love, and coming here to share life with me, yes...but after her passing I sensed her many a time. This showed me they live on, and not only that but they cannot and don't wish to forget us! It showed me she is in a peace and happiness which is absolutely shining compared to many things of this world.
And I have been so fortunate to sense that when she's near. And realise there is no separation on a deep secret sacred heart-felt level.

That's what you feel worries you....that Romeo is a secret inside your Heart; that no-one else knows about and so it makes you feel isolated and lonely.

That very thing was the thing that freaked me out most during the first weeks; that she had become "my secret special Soul", But strangely it was that very thing that started to turn my life back to a little light.
It had always been just me and her. My husband passed, and so did many other friends and family, so it ended up with just the two of us. I loved it but knew it was fragile, as one day she would have to leave. So when she went, I can not even properly describe the emptiness, loss and isolation I felt.

But as I started to sense her "from the other side", and all that love and fine energy from her, that isolated space started to grow into something so beautiful and special and sacred. I love that quiet place now.

Now it's not just Misty who lives in that kind of condition now she has passed. They all do. If any kind of tiny conduit can gently be opened up between them and us in heart-felt love....they can "travel" down it to touch our Souls. Even if only for a few seconds at a time. But love and especially the shared love and moments of quietness in our lives, can help us feel a touch of healing, because we actually reach them and touch their Souls with our love.

But like I said, oh yes there are times when I feel utter loss. I still do, even now. She's not around. She's not communicating (what is she doing up there? lol) But it's okay. Even though I miss her every hour of every day, I know she's okay and loves me very much and seems to be waiting for me. I let her go, and know she never goes far....but how can I keep her on a short leash in the fields of Heaven? I trust our love.

There is no way I would deliberately end my life because that state of my being would be too diametrically-opposed to the loving peace and happiness I sense from her.
So I have learned to live my own new way of life which is sadder than before in some ways, but is lovely too. My life has changed that's for sure.

Misty passed five and a half years ago. Yes I still miss her and it hurts sometimes even now. But there are more "okay" days than there were at eight months into this. And there are some really lovely days.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Romeos_Daddy
Mistysmama wrote:
I can really relate to what you are feeling, Romeos Daddy. Eight months after my sweet Misty passed over, I was still very deeply grieving. I was able to get on with life but had changed inside most profoundly.
Some of it was (and still is) beautiful, but the sadness would also get a hold of me, and keep me awake crying sometimes...
I was given a great gift by Misty. Her precious friendship and love, and coming here to share life with me, yes...but after her passing I sensed her many a time. This showed me they live on, and not only that but they cannot and don't wish to forget us! It showed me she is in a peace and happiness which is absolutely shining compared to many things of this world.
And I have been so fortunate to sense that when she's near. And realise there is no separation on a deep secret sacred heart-felt level.

That's what you feel worries you....that Romeo is a secret inside your Heart; that no-one else knows about and so it makes you feel isolated and lonely.

That very thing was the thing that freaked me out most during the first weeks; that she had become "my secret special Soul", But strangely it was that very thing that started to turn my life back to a little light.
It had always been just me and her. My husband passed, and so did many other friends and family, so it ended up with just the two of us. I loved it but knew it was fragile, as one day she would have to leave. So when she went, I can not even properly describe the emptiness, loss and isolation I felt.

But as I started to sense her "from the other side", and all that love and fine energy from her, that isolated space started to grow into something so beautiful and special and sacred. I love that quiet place now.

Now it's not just Misty who lives in that kind of condition now she has passed. They all do. If any kind of tiny conduit can gently be opened up between them and us in heart-felt love....they can "travel" down it to touch our Souls. Even if only for a few seconds at a time. But love and especially the shared love and moments of quietness in our lives, can help us feel a touch of healing, because we actually reach them and touch their Souls with our love.

But like I said, oh yes there are times when I feel utter loss. I still do, even now. She's not around. She's not communicating (what is she doing up there? lol) But it's okay. Even though I miss her every hour of every day, I know she's okay and loves me very much and seems to be waiting for me. I let her go, and know she never goes far....but how can I keep her on a short leash in the fields of Heaven? I trust our love.

There is no way I would deliberately end my life because that state of my being would be too diametrically-opposed to the loving peace and happiness I sense from her.
So I have learned to live my own new way of life which is sadder than before in some ways, but is lovely too. My life has changed that's for sure.

Misty passed five and a half years ago. Yes I still miss her and it hurts sometimes even now. But there are more "okay" days than there were at eight months into this. And there are some really lovely days.


Thank you so much Mistysmama for your thoughtful reply.  Your perspective is very valuable to me as I work through this and slowly experience while still wonder at what life will be like without the most important being in my life no longer there by my side.

Romeo being my secret in my heart is among other things what worries me.  I worry sometimes that it was just a dream and that in time I won't recall as vividly how and why he was so special to me.  Knowing all I have no are memories, hanging on to those memories is a precious battle with time.  It is further complicated for me because I have trouble feeling him still.  I am not sure how to go about this honestly but I wish and long for this feeling more than anything. Just to know he is still there and that he is ok and our love endures.  It's hard to be silent in our world and just listen. Listen for them, feel them.  I wish I knew how to do this.  Sometimes I think the grief gets in the way, disrupting the silence and turning my warm thoughts into fear and sadness, if that makes any sense to you at all.

Like you, I believe he is still with me and I do trust our love but right now for me it is has been more of a thought or a wish and less (unfortunately) of a feeling or a sensation.

Thank you again for your heartfelt reply.  Time is a funny and relative thing.  Taking too long when we want nothing more than to see the future and going too fast when we wish we could just pause.  With my grief time has felt even stranger and it feels weird looking back at almost 9 months to the day and feeling strange that I still grieve so heavily while at the same time realizing somehow I made it almost a year.  For you, at over 5 years, this must be a surreal sensation as well as so much has gone on in the world and Misty no doubt still lives in you as if she was still right here the whole time.  I am sorry for your loss as well and I thank you again for sharing with me more about it. 

Aaron  
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