Leahbeahis
Almost two months have gone by now and I still can't believe Lucy isn't here with me. Christmas was awful. I don't see what there is to celebrate when you have just lost a family member. I am grateful for those I still have but that doesn't take the grief away. I feel like there isn't much more life can offer me. After all, one is only as wealthy as the relationships formed with loved ones. A bond shared with a dog is different than bonds shared with humans. Dogs don't keep scores or grudges. They don't judge or loved under certain conditions. Their love is pure. I miss Lucy because I miss the bond we had. I loved to look at her at the end of the day and with just that look we both knew we were ready to jump into bed and cuddle. I miss the little things. She would try to claim a spot in my lap whenever she saw a chance. I miss coming home to someone so excited to see me, as if it had been years since we last saw each other. I miss watching her sprawl out in the sun or by the fire, whichever season it was. I miss hearing her little chihuahua growl when she was playing with her favorite toy. She liked to hump it too and would freeze in the act if you looked at her. I miss teaching her tricks, that girl would do anything for treats. Physical pieces of Lucy are disappearing little by little. I know how this goes, pretty soon all she'll be to some is just a memory. No dog bed, no dog toys, no dog food, no little Lucy hairs everywhere. Even though there will be pictures everywhere, she'll almost never get brought up in conversation. People and animals come in and out of my life, but a few leave their mark on me forever. Lucy took a big chunk of me with her. I wish I could be strong but right now I'm not happy without Lucy. I can't tell if I will be able to find happiness again. She isn't just a dog, she is someone who is so much a part of me that I cannot be defined without her. So, that's why it's so hard to live without her. Thank you for reading. I apologize for the negativity. Some days are really bad days.

~ Leah
~ Leah
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animal_qwackers
Hi, Leah,

Your post really touched my heart. There is no need to apologise, and negativity is part and parcel of the terrible grieving process we fragile humans experience when losing a beloved four-legged friend and soul mate. I know exactly the emotions you are experiencing.

Christmas has been a terrible time for me, too. I have lost two of my wonderful friends this year. It is over 5 months since I said farewell to my bundle of mischief and feline soul mate, my long-haired tabby, Gonzo, and over 3 months since my canine soul mate and light of my life, Solly, my beautiful German Shepherd left me. I have okay days, and days that are really bad. Losing my two precious fur babies has wracked me with so much pain and an emptiness and loneliness I have not bore since the death of my beloved mother over 14 years ago.

Gonzo and Solly also took a chunk out of me when they left; a chunk that seems as if it will never return. I have lots of precious memories of them both, I know they are with me every day, but they are not here in physical form and that is what I really want. How I ache for them with a searing torturous pain that refuses to budge.

I have two other cats whom I love dearly, but Gonzo and Solly were the ultimate cat and dog to me. Their passing has left its mark, feelings of total unhappiness, and tears that threaten then break free. 

Your post brought tears to my eyes as I realise only too well what you must be going through. Your post also made me smile as your Lucy sounds like such a character. She was a credit to you, and you were a credit to her. 

Hang on in there, as we all have to do. Everyone on here feels a great loss. It's not easy, it's torment at times, but try to be thankful for the unconditional love Lucy brought to you. I appreciate how difficult it is, Leah, and I feel for you. The cliché that time is a great healer is true, although we never stop grieving. We will grieve for our babies as long as we live and with the passage of time we come to accept what is, even though what is is not what we want.

My thoughts are with you, and Lucy too.

Wendy

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” – Jack Lemmon

Solly, Gonzo, Daisy-Mae, Ebony, Jerry, Tigger, Bonnie, Suzy, Cleo, Spike, Sooty, and Tibby – dazzling lights that will never fade. Adored, cherished, I was privileged to know you all. Until we meet again, my beautiful babies. Bowls of love and cuddles, your ever-loving, devoted Mummy xxxxxxxxxx


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Leahbeahis
Thank you for your support, Wendy. You have such an excellent use of words. I wouldn't be surprised if you were a writer. Yes, it's like living with a chronic health condition. Some days you have flare ups and some days the condition doesn't attack you as much. I know I can be repetitive with my stories about Lucy but it helps to get it off of my chest. I'm so grateful for the people here that understand how wonderful the bond can be between human and animal. I look forward to reading more about Solly and Gonzo if you ever feel up to it. Thank you for listening about Lucy. I appreciate you.
~ Leah
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animal_qwackers
Hi, Leah,

You're welcome for my support. I have received plenty on here and words of comfort always help.

Thank you for your comments about my writing. I am in the process of writing my first novel, hopefully to be published next year. I have had to put it on the backburner for a while, due to the loss of my Solly and Gonzo this year. I hope to pick up again in Jan or Feb of next year. I work with words every day in my job as an editor and proofreader and try to learn a new word every day. I read the dictionary and thesaurus like one would read a riveting novel!

I can be repetitive about stories of my Solly and Gonzo, too, hell who isn't, so I wouldn't let that concern you. You're going through enough as it is. Whatever we say – even if we do sound parrotlike – is important to us as grieving pet owners. If being a parrot helps to get things off our chest then so be it. I don't mind being a Captain Flint (he was the parrot in Treasure Island).

If you want to know more about Solly and Gonzo, take a look at the topics I have started and this should help you understand more about them. 

I agree that it is wonderful to have the support of so many who understand the bond between animals and humans. There is no greater in my opinion. It reaches far deeper than a totally human bond and boy, does it smart when it's time to say farewell.

I hope your day isn't too painful, although if it's anything like mine, it won't be too grand. I've shed buckets of tears today, probably something to do with the onset of a new year.

Wendy

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” – Jack Lemmon

Solly, Gonzo, Daisy-Mae, Ebony, Jerry, Tigger, Bonnie, Suzy, Cleo, Spike, Sooty, and Tibby – dazzling lights that will never fade. Adored, cherished, I was privileged to know you all. Until we meet again, my beautiful babies. Bowls of love and cuddles, your ever-loving, devoted Mummy xxxxxxxxxx


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Dalidog
 Leah...  your words about your Lucy are very touching. Don't let the "signs" of her ever disappear.  Has been 3 months since my Dals left me, but I will keep her close and around me forever.  I know I lost a big piece of my heart and life when she left me suddenly.  I have her pictures everywhere and I thank her and speak her name every day and will for the rest of my life.  I have a book for her that I can't bring myself to complete yet.  I picked a flower for her on Christmas and put on her shelf, will put it in her book too.  Her Christmas "treat" is there under her picture, but she won't come eat it.  It will be sealed and put in her book, as will one every Christmas for the rest of my life.  I can't bear the thought of such an important part of my life being delegated to being just a "memory".  She is far more than that.   I have good days and bad days, and some days the panic of her not being here overcomes me and I break down.  I sing to her every day and hold her picture close on my nightstand and sleep with it under my pillow each night.  Her meds are in the cabinet waiting for her to finish them and her brush is still in her grooming bag with the rest of her things.  Her winter sweaters are in the mud room and will always be there.  How do I ever let these things go?????  I can't.  I understand your pain, we all feel it when we lose that forever pet.  I have lost pets before, and people, but none has hit me like the loss of my Dali.  Hugs to you and take care...  Dali's mom forever 

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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loft2111
Hi Leah,
Don't apologize, we have all been there and written the same feelings.  I know the feeling of things slowly disappearing, I felt as though I lost LM all over again when I could no longer smell him on his bed, on his collar and could no longer find his hairs.  I saved his favorite treat in his dog bowl and that's starting to rot and dwindle away, everthing since 10/1 is slowly fading.....You will never forget your Lucy, keep her memory alive by always talking to her and about her.  This loss is very difficult, a piece of us died with our babies, we all know how you are feeling and time may ease the intensity of the pain but it will never go away.  Take care of yourself and know that your Lucy is happy and has made a ton of friends at the bridge.
Hugs to you and Lucy
Little Man's mom
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Leahbeahis
Wendy - You must be very good at your job. I am drawn to those who can think deeply and creatively as you can. You are very good at expressing yourself, especially when it comes to Solly and Gonzo. I understand about putting things on the back burner. Whenever I go through a loss I seem to care less about the things I used to enjoy.

Dali's mom - Lucy's medications, winter jackets, and harnesses are all still with me as well. I gave her grooming supplies to my dog niece and nephew. I used to get Lucy a Christmas present every year but this year, after the last time I went down the isles at the pet store, I couldn't stand to go there anymore. It seems to be a trigger for me. For me it was like taking your child to the toy store. I don't know if I'll ever feel ready to put away the last bit of her things and completely "let go".

Little Man's mom - Thank you for understanding. I never get sick of hearing about everyone's babies on this forum. I know it's silly to place so much importance on physical things when what we really care about isn't physically here, but I can't help it. It's psychologically difficult to remove yourself from the daily routine you've been doing for years. I feel weird not putting dog food in the bowl, or grabbing a leash and harness, or getting Lucy's medication ready to administer. It's all part of the grieving process I guess.

I hope you all are making it through today and are holding your beautiful loves close to your heart as always. Thank you for being there.
~ Leah
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Gertie
I was just reading about your journey with Lucy & your horrible grief without her. It has been a year and a half since I lost my little Duncan. He was a 9 year old Lhasa and love of my life. I do understand how you are feeling. Your love for Lucy lives on, she is near and will love you forever. Remember she is  watching over you. I know it is New Years Eve & a lonely time. I found taking some of Duncan's toys to bed with me helped. I also light a candle by his picture and that of my kitty Myles each night. Myles was 11, he passed 6 months before Duncan. You are not alone. Write here about Lucy. I also volunteer at a shelter, it helps. When you are ready, do something special in Lucy's memory. If you can plant some flowers in a place that was significant to her. maybe in the spring.

I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. Sending hug's your way. I hope you find peace in 2015. Peace and healing to those of you grieving.


Duncan & Myles Mom xx
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Dalidog
The love everyone has for their forever pets is so wonderful.  Those of us who have known that love truly are blessed, even though we grieve and the pain is so hard.  I too have taken to lighting candles nightly, Duncan's mom.  I find it comforting.  I have not turned off my gas light on the front porch since my Dali left.  She is truly the "light" of my life and I love that flame burning.  I bought "flameless" candles, but the batteries don't last because I won't turn them off!  So I am back to real candles.  I love reading all the posts about our forever pets and to know I am not alone in my grief.  It is comforting to hear stories of the other animals, their lives, and what they mean to each and every one of us.  They are truly angels from above.  New years eve is so lonely and I am having a hard time with the fireworks I hear, as my Dali HATED fireworks and would hide and shiver from being scared of them.  I always held her and talked to her and made sure the TV was up loud to drown them out..  Now the fireworks are making me cry, please don't be afraid Dali.  The new year brings uncertainty and hopefully some peace and acceptance, for I haven't gotten there yet.  Hugs to all of you. 
Dali's mom

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Leahbeahis
Thank you Duncan and Myles' mom. That's a great idea. I do sleep with one of her favorite toys. The other toy I plan to put into a display box along with her collar and picture. The only thing that keeps me going is hope and my faith that I will reunite with her again. I'm so sorry for your losses. It must've been so difficult to lose two babies so close together. I hope as time goes on that I am able to think of the good memories I have of Lucy, instead of her death, which is just a small moment in time. Peace and hugs to you.
~ Leah
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